the Rift


A new beginning [OPEN]
Ascended Helovian

Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize & Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage Neo
#4
Vivid, it's a bit confusing with the way you write, when you speak/think etc, it's hard to know what she says out loud or not. Do you think you could use a uniform "system"? For example, it's very common with italic for what I think and "Bold with quotations for what I speak". It'd make it easier for me, thank you! <3 :)

At least she had reactions still. His expression did not change much when she started — perhaps his smile lost a little of its warmth, and the curiosity in his blue gaze hardened to something colder. Protective, stupid, ignorant. The muscles of his jaws hardened as he clenched them shut, biting back the angry retorts and harsh words he wished to spill on her ears. She said that her name was Divinity, suddenly smiling like the sun as if nothing at all had happened, even asked for his — again, he bridled his tongue, curled it back in his mouth and kept his voice within. Shallow and stupid she went on, rambling about the day and getting up. As the twig broke one of his ears twitched, otherwise he did not look away from her. Moment by moment his mood sank and his eyes grew darker, and in silence he stood as she inspected every inch of him. Leyra's revelation about her emotions had made him wary of praise, so when her mindless tongue started spouting things about his eyes and horn the last of the warmth faded. Darkness edged his cold eyes and his smile had nothing but frost around the edges.

"I am Mauja," he responded coolly to her earlier inquiry. Was she stupid? Her mouth kept going too fast, first with a bitchy comeback to his advice, and then suddenly happy, and, what, flirtatious? Slowly his ears fell back against his neck. "And you, Divinity, should not so easily brush off the advice of a native. I know this forest better than you do," and he felt the cold creep in his veins, slowly leeching it into her blood, aiming to drop the temperature in her chest a degree or so. "- and it is not the forest which chills your blood, is it?" He snorted and whipped his tail against his hocks, before releasing the magic, thawing the crystals of ice he'd planted in her veins. He allowed his gaze to trail away, out across the forest, one ear rotating in her direction to keep alert — he wouldn't be surprised if she burst into flame and turned out to be the Demon Mare from Hell or something. Sometimes deities cloaked themselves as idiots to see how they were treated, and if he'd pissed off something powerful it wouldn't surprise him.

"This is a dangerous place," he said quietly, trying to forget about the whole episode, of her words about his eyes and horn.
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here


Messages In This Thread
A new beginning [OPEN] - by Divinity - 02-01-2013, 11:52 PM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Mauja - 02-02-2013, 01:46 PM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Divinity - 02-02-2013, 11:40 PM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Mauja - 02-04-2013, 06:13 AM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Divinity - 02-05-2013, 05:23 PM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Mauja - 02-06-2013, 08:58 AM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Divinity - 02-08-2013, 06:26 PM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Mauja - 02-09-2013, 06:13 AM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Divinity - 02-11-2013, 07:56 PM
RE: A new beginning [OPEN] - by Mauja - 02-12-2013, 12:10 PM

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