| Hidden Account |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16hh :: 8 |
| M.E. |
02-07-2013, 08:27 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-07-2013, 08:32 PM by Zikar-Sin.)
....Did that hurt you...?
The rumbling unease was subdued as Sin finally laid eyes upon his master; the Old One gazed up into the sky with unseeing eyes, his expression so peaceful and pensive that the inner turmoil in Sin’s breast ceased its relentless thrashing somewhat, comforted as he was by that familiar expression. In an unconscious motion to match Myrddin’s seemingly harmonious state, Sin followed his gaze to the heavens, allowing the glow of a million billion stars to flood his vision. The first thoughts that entered his mind were those associated with the frantic fear that was clawing away inside of him; mayhaps the stars themselves could relieve this pressure, could take the weight off of his shoulders, and could force the world make sense again. As he pondered the heavenly bodies, however, Sin knew deep down that it was a selfish, cowardly thought for one to place their troubles at the feet of divine entities, conscious or not. Yet the very act of contemplation began to unwind Sin, the tension unraveling somewhat in his limbs and allowing the dappled boy to take a breath, as though he had been running for miles without the slightest inclination of a break. He was catching up with his own emotions.
*”Do you think the stars wish for anything?”*
Sin closed his eyes, barring his sight from the creeping velvet night and the silvery glow of the stars. He thought about Myrddin’s question deeply, aware that they were talking about potentially lifeless things that had no thought or opinion about their own demise. It was easy to think about, however, because these thoughts, these musings didn’t affect him, didn’t have the power to destroy everything he cared about. Or thought he cared about. “If they did, sir,” Sin said carefully, his eyes still closed to the sky and his master’s pale face, “I would imagine they would desire to shine as brilliantly in life as they do in death.” Sin imagined what it would be like to have the same fate; to only be illustrious on your dying breath than you ever were in your youthful questing days, trying to make a name for yourself. To some, it would be a horrible fate, only becoming beautiful and successful as you passed on; knowing that the entirety of your life is worthless until you finally passed into the void. A counter-thought, however, sprang up almost immediately; did it have to be tragic? Knowing that, as you died, someone somewhere looked onto your stardust and placed all of their hopes dreams upon you, trusting you with the prospect of their happiness, placing their entire world into your hands? Sin sighed deeply, these and other thoughts roaring in his mind as his Haruspex spoke again.
*"What is it, m'boy?"*
Sin swallowed, suddenly embarrassed and dreading his confession. It was rare that the stud ever felt shame for anything, but the prospect of telling Myrddin all of his insecurities was distressing; would the Old One pass judgment on the dappled stallion, disappointed in Sin’s inability to surpass this hurdle? He didn’t allow his inhibitions stall him, however; Sin supposed that staying mute, ignorant, and confused was a worse fate than being verbose, humiliated, and enlightened. “Sir, I’m lost,” he said to the white one; Sin never masked the emotion he felt, not even in his voice, and now the shaky anxiety was evident on his trembling tones, “I’ve found myself in a place I’ve not been before, and I’m not sure how to handle myself.”
Sin paused, opening his icy eyes wide, his expression pleading to the Haruspex. “I—There’s another stallion of the Basin, a boy whose presence I’ve come to like,” Sin explained, trying to be as clear as possible, “yet he’s said awful things to me, blasphemous things about the Dark Empress. He is loyal to the Frost King, he told me. I’m not sure how I should feel about his loyalties—is he a traitor? Do I report him?” Sin was slightly breathless, but he forced himself to trudge on with his explanation. “Then…there’s the matter of the Frost King himself. He sounds like a grand stallion and I see many who are loyal to his majesty, but he was never my King. Am I to accept him? Would I be a traitor to my Dark Empress?” His voice threatened to crack. “Is she even worthy for me to serve? I’ve laid eyes upon her once in my lifetime, but I serve her willingly, almost blindly, when I know none of her and her identity. This is the only place I’ve come to call—and been allowed to call—my home. Is that enough for me to be a good servant? Is it even possible for me to be a good servant with such qualifications?”
He didn’t mean to ask these questions to the Haruspex, but they gushed out of him, everything threatening to burst inside of him finally falling from his lips. These were the things that bothered him, the events in his life that threatened to unravel all the good things that had become tied to him…but it didn’t feel like enough. Sin took a breath and opened his mouth to continue—but he didn’t know how or what else to say. There was still something warped in the world that set everything off-kilter, but now that he had emptied his mind and heart of those clattering things, the upset didn’t feel as obvious. “I….sir,” he finished, dipping his head with the indication that it was all he had to say.
...Forgive Me...
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