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02-06-2013, 08:46 PM
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He always manages to find me. I hear the whoosh of wings above me, and for a moment I am afraid. Before I can glance around, he is there before me, trotting forward. I smile at both his sudden arrival and his rather tousled (but no less adorable) appearance. But then he speaks, and I feel a rush of confusion. "I saw you from above, and I thought it'd be nice to say hi," he says. Well, what am I to make of that? What ever happened to our affectionate greetings? Did I do something, or not do something? Perhaps he does not find me appealing now that I am ripe with foal? Perhaps I am too fat and ungainly for him to see the appeal in me? No. Stop it. "Note," I say aloud, masking my tumultuous thoughts by reaching to touch his maw with my own. "I'm glad that you decided to say hello," I offer, and for a moment, I am again in our first meeting, too shy to meet his gaze, afraid that if I held on to hope that I would only be let down. He has not let me down yet. So why am I so nervous? "I missed you," I blurt suddenly, sky blue orbs darting up to his, searching. What I am looking for, I cannot say; acceptance? Love? Simple affection? Or am I just looking for anything to chase away my fears? I am being silly. Pregnancy hormones are driving me crazy. First, I'm talking to my stomach, and now I'm questioning Note's feelings for me. That is stupid - right? I long to say more, to invite him to feel the touch of his child straining against my side, to tell him her name, or to even tell him the admittedly ridiculous notion that I have about it being a girl. I long to share my stories with him. I do not see him enough, I know, and I am sad for that - but has it come between us? I am afraid, afraid to be alone again. Not alone, I remind myself. I have Rowan, and Phae, and Levi... But do I really? They all have their own things to do - is it possible that all I truly have is myself? So many doubts. So many questions. Note holds the key to my consolation, and I can only hope now that he will use it. |
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"Talk talk talk." |
| Sohalia Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried... |
