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One by one, my steps sink into soft sand; they reluctantly lead me to where my Sultana waits and unsurprisingly I feel no relief in seeing her today. In fact, I undergo a sense of uneasiness, mixed with dread at having to mingle and put on a phony exterior. Lying felt wrong on so many levels; it caused brash amounts of guilt.
Distraction or no, sometimes you just wanted to wallow in self-pity for a little while and avoid others. I was hopeful that this testing spar would quick, so I could return to my reproachful memory without judging eyes being ever watchful for my failure. I was especially wary around those that required me to be my best from sunrise though sunset, every day of every season. Kri among the highest in regard, I couldn’t have known that she might have sympathy for my plight. I knew very little about this woman, but I knew enough to understand that loyalty and honor were two big things on her list.
Surely distaste for weakness was there as well?
Today I didn’t feel like the son of sand, and Throats promising General. Today I felt as close to shit as one could get. My face was usually lite up with a respectful beam, showing my worth and strength through outward and inward appearance. I also usually held my carcass with finer grandeur, neck twisted high and shoulders held aloof; each motion an example of my skill and tribute to physical health. But not today, face showed shadows and darkness, obviously troubled despite an attempt at hiding it.
I felt ashamed for darkening what should be a pleasant rally; my palate has never been easily hidden when troubles boiled close to the surface. Eyes rise, depths meeting the deep azure that led into the very soul of a creature; those eyes reminded me of a similar set. Fina, she also bore such a gaze; a mixture of fire and ice. I sigh, heart singing sorrow before a natural curve lifts my features and tilts ears a little forward.
For the next few moments, this body would play the part of her attentive General.
She greets me with a smile, though I can sense a mirrored restlessness lingering. My own dampened spirits dare not remark on her troubles, I was in no position to fix everyone else’s problems; which were likely born from the coming battle anyway. “Well met, Kri.” Tongue felt dry and her name slides free a little awkwardly, I wasn’t used to calling a leader by actual name. Mother had always clearly instructed what to call my betters, but I also knew that Kri simply despised being called Sultana—and I didn’t want to get scowled at again because of it.
She comments on the beauty of this day and I stare straight ahead, sullenly thinking, “Just another morning in paradise,” causally my head bobs once as a silent answer—no words needed for sullying up the air between us. Kri reaches for me; I hold fast and feel her hot breath along my collar neck. Just above the steel that is lashed upon me like a second skin, bare flesh twitches when she touches soft nose to it, “Are you alright, brother?” My leader titles a lesser, ‘brother,’ and surprise blooms at how genuine her concern sounds. Head tilts toward the chocolate girl while muzzle lowers to bump against hers with fake assurance, “I'm fine….the coming war is just weighing heavy on my mind.”
A half smile and a half truth.
Let’s just get this next part over with.
I straighten and with the motion try to push away ill omens, “Shall we chase away worries with a little sky play?” The sun is at my back, and face toward the northwestern sky. I pull away from her, retracting my steps until the distance between us is comfortable enough for both to easily take off. Muscular wings unfurl. The ivory feathers catch morning light, scattering my sharp silhouette across the ground. I had heard that our leader often favored taking her spars to heaven. My mind slips into a state of null, it seems to do that whenever it is pressed toward sharper focus. Fighting often gave a strange sense of calm, but this time I just felt numb, and wanted it to be over already. Quickly, and simply. Perhaps she could make me feel differently once we got started?
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[JUDGED] See it rise [Training spar, Boom]
