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02-11-2013, 01:05 AM
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His scent comes before his voice, though only just. "Soh..." he says, and in that one syllable I can hear ever bit of anguish that I am feeling. And perhaps more, for I can sense that he is worried. I am distraught. I cannot think, cannot breathe, cannot feel anything but the devastating loss of my firstborn, and the overwhelming joy of my second. It is the oddest mixture of emotions that I have ever felt, and yet it would seem that the pain is winning above all else. I raise my head from its place beside Skysong, but I cannot meet his eyes. My fault, my fault, my fault, my fault... I am dimly aware of the filly rising, falling - my breath catches in my throat, my orbs snapping to her again, be she is already up again, toddling over to nurse for the first time, blissfully unaware of the meaning of that which is going on around her. And for a moment, I do not have to worry about distressing her. I finally manage to look Note in the eyes, but my gaze is tortured, haunted, for I have seen that which I had never wanted to see. I can't... I can't what? Live? Die? Breathe? Move? Part of me hates myself for my immobility, my incomprehension, the dizzying pressure of my heartache. I should be stronger, I should be better, I must... but then I remember my child lying motionless on the ground, and I can't... Skysong, done with her meal, gives Note and I a dazzling, sleepy smile and settles into the sand in the shadow of the rock. Within moments, she is napping, and I allow myself the few small steps I need to reach my lover's side. I cannot speak, cannot explain, cannot function; I simply bury my face into his mane, unless he chooses to move away from me - and I would not blame him for doing so... my fault, my fault, my fault... I cannot stop the tears then, and a soft sob wracks my body. I try to hold it back, to hold it in, but I am silently shaking with grief. "I am so sorry," I whisper, and I do not realize when it becomes my quiet mantra. "I am so sorry... so... sorry... I... sorry..." |
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"Talk talk talk." |
| Sohalia Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried... |
