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09-06-2013, 11:21 AM
- - - - - By my verdict KRI is the winner. Kri is awarded 2 VP, and unlocks the Battle Buff MAGE KRI -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Attack to Note's right shoulder. + 1| Attack: Bite to ear/face [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Easy read. + 1| Flow. NOTE -- post 1 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Blow to the shoulder + 1| Defense: Tossing his head to less Kri's bite to the ear. - 2| Power Play: then back up again so that his muzzle was at the top Kri's back. - You cannot dictate where your opponent is. Only where you believe them to be, or where you would like to end up in relation to them. + 1| Attack: Bite - 1| Attack: "Cut on Kri's flank" - There's no mention of direction, nor with what Note is planning on injuring Kri with. Another bite? His hooves? [Prose] - 1| Emotion: I know Note is described as being cold and distant, but that doesn't mean your posts can't have emotion to them! 0 | Flow. - 1| Easy Read: This one was disjointed to read. It was a significant revision from the previous post, but your attacks need to be fleshed out more, in order to read clearer. KRI -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Rearing into Note's bite + 1| Attack: Shoulder to belly + 1| Injury: Hooves to her barrel. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: oh, and spit. Lots of spit. I wonder absently in Note has a drooling problem, but it is little more than an after thought. lmao + 1| Easy Read. + 1| Flow NOTE -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Having Kri rear into Note's bite - 1| Defense: Flying into the air - Kri's attack to Note's stomach, which you took, was meant to be simultaneous with his hooves hitting her back. In order for him to lift off when you said he did, would require the previous attack to have not happened. - 2| Power Play: The bay's sliver hooves, glowing white in the moonlight, moved up to meet the center of Kri's dark chest, pushing against the mare's thick body.. - 1| Attack: Using Kri to push off of, was mentioned as PP just above. But also, I can't imagine how this would be possible at all. Given the weight distribution, and the fact that a pegasus could not reasonably fly upside down (maybe glide for a few moments, during a loop or something), I don't see this being possible at all. I think Note would have fallen flat on his back the instant he tried to lift directly off from a standstill rear. 0| Attack: Bucking in the air - no point deduction as points have already been removed above. But this attack isn't possible. Kri is only 14~ hh off of the ground. I can't even see Note being able to hover upside at that height (even if it was possible) without injuring his wings on the ground, or falling. Also, there is no real mention of direction here. [Prose] 0| Emotion: -1 | Flow: This flow of this post was really thrown off by the unrealistic attack. - 1| Easy Read: I had to stop a number of times to try and visualize what was going on. KRI [Bonus] + 1| Breed Comparison. [Injuries] None [Creativity] Nothing of note. Comments: I love how Kri's military maternal side comes out in her spars with other members of the Throat :3 Note [Bonus] + 1| Breed Comparison. [Injuries] None. [Creativity] + 1| Awkward flying defense - Even though this one came across as unrealistic, I really liked the direction you were going with, to try and incorporate Note's being a pegasus, into the spar. Comments: Next time, I would try to envision what's going on, and definitely make use of all of the word count! TOTAL Note- 45 Kri - 63 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
