V a l e n t i n e | G a u c h o
- - - - -
By my verdict GAUCHO is the winner.
Gaucho has been awarded one VP.

VALENTINE -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Trying to swipe Gaucho's side with Valentine's horn.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion

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GAUCHO -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Tucking Gaucho's head to try and catch Valentine's with his antlers. This defense was a bit confusing at first, but after I read it from start to finish I saw where you were going with it, and I actually think it was very clever.
0 | Almost powerplay: "..making it such that Gaucho’s forehead would hit squarely on Val’s right cheek.." Because of the careful wording about aiming and hoping before this sentence, I decided that you weren't trying to force this on Valentine, but just reading this but itself, can you see how it seems directive? Instead of "would hit" you should use "would likely hit" or "might hit". Even throwing an if statement at the end would have helped tremendously. "Would hit squarely IF his aim was true", blah blah blah.
+ 1| Attack: Trying to strike at Valentine's right shoulder.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Valentine's neck. Since you are attacking his right side just a moment ago, I filled in the blank, but make sure to specify next time.
+ 1| Attack: Bucking at Valentine's right hip.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy Read: the first defense was a little sketchy, but overall this was a breeze to read.
+ 1| Flow

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VALENTINE -- post 2

[Realism]
0 | Injury: Taking the antlers realistically with scratches. No mention of pain. You have a good simile at the top, but that still doesn't tell me how Valentine feels.
- 1| Defense: Gaucho's antlers are attached to Valentine's face, but somehow his legs can't reach his shoulder? You do not mention swerving out of the way here or any explanation for why Valentine is out of range.
+ 1| Defense: redirecting the bite toward the topline of his mane.
0| Injury: Ripping out of hair follicles. No mention of stinging or pain, but even if it was painless you need to mention it.
0 | Defense: It is unwise to not have redirected this to a hip, which is more sturdy in comparison to the thigh. Of all of the attacks to take during this round, the kick was the most severe. You did describe the wound and pain, but in the future, try to avoid injuries to the legs!
- 2| Powerplay: Gaucho is not running away, so there is no need for Valentine to "run after" him. Secondly, here: "He was moving with Gaucho just like he had moved with him, and his horn would have made a diagonal slash if his aim was true like Gaucho’s had been. He kept moving with him, and then getting to the front of his running body, barred his teeth at the stallion and aimed a bite at his lower shoulder and neck." Gaucho was slowing toward the end of his last post right before his kick, which makes me believe that he was coming to a stop after his buck. In order to move with Gaucho, Valentine would have to be stopping, but you keep mentioning him going forward, which means you are assuming that Gaucho is moving. Unlike in your post, where you dictated that Valentine would continue moving passed Gaucho, Aud did not do this here.
+ 1| Attack: Trying to slash Gaucho's right hip with his horn.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "...then getting to the front of his running body, barred his teeth at the stallion and aimed a bite at his lower shoulder and neck." Only Gaucho can decide if Valentine makes it to his front end. You can write Valentine as "trying to reach the front of his running body", but you cannot say that he did. Gaucho can choose to turn or speed up or stop or anything here.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's shoulder/neck. You do not mention side, but it's inferred from the previous attack.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: Better than the last post. Still, your post reads a little dry.
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Flow

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GAUCHO -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Redirecting the jab to his wing. While I normally do not recommend pegasus injuring their wings (they are very delicate and sensitive in comparison to the rest of their bodies), since this is a ground fight it did not matter so much.
- 1| Dropped attack: You mention the snapping of Valentine's bite, but you do not specify whether it lands or not.
+ 1| Attack: Charging at Valentine.
0| Attack: Kicking at Valentine's left side. This kind of assumes that Valentine has not just run foward and toward the right, because you do not have him boxed in by anything on his sides, and I find it highly unlikely he won't have moved.
- 1| Borderline powerplay: "... as Gaucho passed Valentine..." Here you are making the same mistake as teeroo, where you are basically defining Valentine's movements by describing Gaucho's. You have to word this better: "as Gaucho passed where he believed Valentine to be" or something.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

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VALENTINE -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
0| Side Note: the bear was intended to land behind Valentine, which is clearly stated. You did not mention moving from your original position, so Gaucho's aim should be accurate.
+ 1| Defense: running to the opposite side to avoid the charge.
- 1| Dropped Attack: failure to mention Gaucho's kick. I'm assuming this was defended with the running away, but you still need to mention it.

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VALENTINE

[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings: Having the heat affect Valentine at the end and the arid desert dry his blood quickly.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
Nothing of note.

Comments: You did well against an experienced fighter. You had typical rookie mistakes, but one thing I did notice was that you had a good grasp on time frames throughout the fight. I think you need to consider the severity of attacks and which ones you should dodge and which ones you should take. Also, do not forget details, details, details! Tell me which side your injury is on, how severe it is, and whether or not it hurts. Avoid directive language in the future, and you should be well on your way to becoming an excellent fighter. Good job!

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GAUCHO

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed comparison: You are mindful as ever about Gaucho's size, but it is not necessarily much different than Valentine's, so your usual tactics weren't used here.
+ 1| Surroundings: Mentioning the heat and how it affects Gaucho throughout the battle. You did not really use your surroundings to your advantage in battle.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Attack: I thought it was extremely creative that you tried to catch Valentine in Gaucho's antlers.

Comments: You are still struggling with powerplay! This time it was less severe, so you are improving, but make it as non-directive as possible when you are describing the position of your opponent. Do not assume anything about them, and try to reread anything that involves them. If it sounds like you are determining anything about their position that you cannot infer directly from their previous post, change it. Make it less powerful by adding "might be"s or something. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your posts as always. You have a good grasp on Gaucho in general, and I await your further improvement!

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TOTAL
Valentine - 57
Gaucho - 64