| Hidden Account |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 hands :: 8 years old |
| Phantom |
cassiopeia
Azzuen,I miss you. I don't think words could ever accurately express just how much I yearn for your presence. It's hard to believe you haven't been with me for almost a month now. I can still feel your touch, the warmth of your skin, the deep baritone of your voice softly tickling my ears. It's as if you've never left and at the same time these past few weeks have been some of the longest of my life. The Desert is beautiful this time of year, as I'm sure you know far better than I. You know these sands like the bridge of your nose. You flew the skies above my head day after day, familiarizing yourself with every dune of sand.
I knew you'd never leave this place. This is your home, and always will be. You are as much a part of it now as the wind and the sand. They dance and sing a mournful tune with one another, persuading the palm trees which tower above me to join in their dalliance. The overgrown fronds rustle and sway like the windswept tendrils of my mane. Cirrus looks peaceful. She must feel your presence as well, for I haven't seen her sleep this easy since...
I'm sorry. It still hurts to talk about, love. Sadness is a strange thing. I do not mourn for you, my love, for I know you do not wish for it. You are free of pain and sorrow and your peace was well-earned. I weep for our loss. Our eldest daughter misses you dearly, bless her heart.
Azulee continues to grow. She misses you as well, but I'm not sure she completely understands the concept of death... Do any of us really? The word stones my heart, but there is no sense in hiding from it any longer.
Thing is, I fail to believe you are dead. Your body may no longer be here with us, laid to rest, but your soul is always here, for it dwells within all of us. Your memory is what keeps us going. I wonder if you realize just how many people you've impacted. The herd is mourning their loss, for you are truly a loss to not only the Tuuli, but the world. It has lost a truly extra-ordinary man. I'm getting better, but I'm not sure that I'll ever fully recover. You gave me something that few people will ever be so lucky to possess. You made my life, Azzuen. You taught me to love in ways I never knew to be possible and for that I am truly grateful. I have no regrets. Do you?
For days I found it hard to even talk, for every time I parted my lips to speak I thought of you. Sometimes I wish you could speak back to me, but I'm content in knowing you are listening, even if I cannot see you. Wherever you may be, I know you are always listening, always near.
When the sun shines, I think of your passion, the ferocity in which you lived your life. Being around you was like basking in the sun's radiant warmth. When I gaze upon the clouds, I think of you. I am reminded of your patience and ingenuity. When rain pours down from the heavens, cooling the sun-bleached sands, I think of how you mourned your brother and your deep rumination. Especially when the day is cool and temperate, the sun bright and inviting, I am reminded of you.
Now the sky is dark. The stars sparkle brilliantly like small tatters in the dark vault of the sky. The wind is cool and invigorating as is sweeps across my dark body and I imagine it is you who calls it forth to comfort me as you soar amongst the stars. Is your mother there? Your father? Voltaic? Have you found them? Perhaps my father is there as well. Be sure to tell him his little girl is doing just fine, that you have made a difference in my life, that you blessed me with two of the most beautiful daughters any mother could ever ask for - his grandchildren.
I grow restless just thinking of you. Quietly I slip away, searching for a place I may find you. You are always somewhere just waiting to be found.
You know how they saw 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder?' Certainly you must know how true that is. You have lost so many wonderful people throughout your life. In a way, I am thankful you have found peace. I am thankful you can finally be with your brother after so many years of separation. I wish I could have met him. You have inspired me to find my sister. I plan to do so soon. I always imagined you'd be with me when I did, but time has a way of changing things and now I know that I must do so alone.
I have faith I'll see you again eventually. But not yet. There is something I have yet to fulfill. What that something is, I am uncertain. But I am sure I will understand eventually.
The sand squelches beneath my hooves and in the distance I can hear the far-off panting of the sea as salty waters heave themselves onto the shore. I am reminded of our time alone in the sweet embrace of those very waters, the gentle lapping of waves causing our dark bodies to sway in unison. I might make my way to them but it wouldn't feel the same without you there beside me.
I love you. That is something time will never change.Sincerely your's,
Cassiopeia
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XYLIA
I have lost a loved one before.ng as I was reincarnated into the stallion's daughter body.
Except I think I perhaps got off worse. Small, pretty, wide-eyed, long-lashed, to grow into a lush figure; and yet I was constantly ill, sick at heart, pining over my own father. Easily it had been one of the most difficult "bodily renovations", as my oracle had once said. In the land, the String of Islands, things were different from here. Gods were everyday animals, in everything; courtesy was of highest importance, since you never knew who was truly mortal and who was divine. There were so many stories, and realities, of horses trapped inside boxes, could not eat or drink yet never starve or become dehydrated, spitting bugs and insects from their mouths, unable to eat anything but sand, for one reason; the gods. Offending them, disrupting them, hurting them- and they were cursed for infinity, or as long as their short lives.
The gods had left me alone during that life, no stories, no whispers, no lies. They had not comforted me when I had been overcome by nightmares of leo-rins chasing me, hot breath on my heels, the incredible, furious, never-ceasing pain as they hamstringed me, tore me down and ripped me apart, alive, until I died. Ktesippe had lain beside me, her pale green eyes gentle, flank warm, and I forgave her for stealing Saph from me. Until the morning came again.
I do not sleep frequently, for I rest so often, and so the fresh scent of pegasus, however saddened, beckoned to me. Wearily I came, drawn to it, mildly curious as to see where this line of fire-star scent went to. Yes, it smelled of Throat, but there was the subtle odor of mare underneath it, and the carefully draped overlays of personal smells. I smelled of cobwebs, under the hot-red-sand. Instead of avoiding the mare, I let my wings brush her flanks, the sound of the ocean near me, and half-close my clouded eyes, sighing slightly under my breath. "I'm sorry." I say simply, tasting sadness in the salty air.
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| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6 |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.1 :: 8 HP: 69 | Buff: SWIFT |
| Whit |
My dearest little cloud still rarely finds a moment that is not marked by melancholy. Though many seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks have passed since that fateful moment when we stumbled upon the fallen bodice of the dark stallion who was our father. Her cheery visage is so often diminished in brightness, so often does dreary weather plague us, though I am unsure as to whether she realises that the winds and rains are feeding off her emotions, her whims, her fancies. She needs only think a sad thought and the clouds above churn, darkness swallowing them, her pelt a constant sea of stormy skies that will sometimes rain down icy water even as the rest of the desert land suffers through drought.
We keep to ourselves, a patch of land that had turned into something of a mud pile, thanks to the rain. It is on the southern rim of the land, far to the west, near the ocean that stretches to the horizon and beyond. Sometimes, when the sun sets, and the stars glitter, her mood softens, as fatigue calms her down, and I am able to catch a glimpse of the starry sky sparking upon her very pelt. Other times, she becomes lost in her sorrows, and almost drowns in her tears, as the heavens cry with her. Her wings, at least, provide a good shelter for my lithe bodice, so that I do not spend the entire time damp and cold. The fire that I am slowly learning to control along my spine keeps me dry and warm, and sometimes I ignite it to intentionally shock my little cloud from her misery.
There is only so much I can do, however. Our bond is such that I feel everything she feels, sometimes her emotions swallow me whole, sometimes I forget that I am able to direct her thoughts and feelings to my whim, though her depression is such that it is nigh impenetrable. Sometimes, I sing to her, a sad and lonely song, a long and low howling, an outlet for the emotions that build up between both of us. Though none of my songs compare to the one I sang on that day.
The stars are shining, and for once, no rain is falling from above. Clouds threaten, but they do not weep tonight, instead they only blot out sections of sparkling pelt upon my beloved's hide, the deep midnight hue of her magical coat mottled with the dark patches of suspended water. Stars do shine there tonight, but perhaps they shine for a different reason, perhaps they shine because the Starbreather walks tonight, and they glow brighter in excitement. Perhaps they shine because Azzuen is up there, ordering them to do so, telling them that they must keep his family safe, even though I am already making sure that is so. Perhaps Azzuen is the brightest star in the sky, and we simply cannot glimpse him with our mortal eyes.
Our matching cerulean eyes look up in unison, watching the blue tinged pelt of her mother wander across the sands. Cirrus had been neglectful of her lately, wanting to sulk away from the eyes of onlookers - aside from myself - and so she had not slept in the Oasis since the passing of her father, and only seen her mother infrequently since then. It was a cruel game, one she knew she must resolve, and swiftly too. My little cloud has realised now, just as I did, just how much she missed her mother. She realised, that without even meaning to, she had cut herself away from two parents when only one of them had died. And her little sister, she had spent more time with her, but always that sadness had prevented her from forming a conversation she could remember. She was ashamed of herself, but her eyes held a determination in them to set things right now.
An elder mare, smaller even than what Azulee stood, waved a wing near her mother. We walked towards them with lengthy strides covering the ground. Cirrus' gaze sought out her mother's, the azure pools filled to the brim with heavy emotions waiting to be let out. She blinked, and a tear darkened her cheekbone, but it was not only sorrow that made her cry. It was as if she was shedding the weight of the world in that single tear, trying to release all that turmoil that she had been holding onto within. Her muzzle reached to her mother, and she prayed she would not be turned down for her inactivity, her neglect, her sour temperament and unnecessary solitude. I give my own greeting to the only maternal figure, besides my beloved Cirrus, that I have ever known, offering a gentle kiss of my wet tongue to slide along the velvet lips of Cassiopeia.
"Mother," the angelic voice almost breaks my heart with the weight of emotion it carries. "I love you." The words tumbled out in a rushed whisper, her maw held close to her mother's, her eyes blinking rapidly to fight back the torrent that may still come. The clouds stirred ominously above, but nothing falls from them, nothing but the hint of a breeze tickles the long hairs of my nape and chest. It is only too late that we realise we have forgotten about the extra soul standing by, too absorbed, too caught up in the rush of emotions roiling through us, we can only look to the Oracle of the Throat.
larfsalot.deviantart.com
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as changing as unforgiving as the wind, as bitter and chilling as the cold, as warm and deadly as the heat
I enjoy being tagged.
please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts
I write what I feel at the time
and hope everyone else does the same c:
| Hidden Account |
| Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 hands :: 8 years old |
| Phantom |
03-01-2013, 10:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-01-2013, 10:10 PM by Cassiopeia.)
cassiopeia
Azzuen,One moment I am alone with my thoughts, the next there is another beside me, the downy spines of her feathers brushing lightly against my flanks. I regard her curiously with tired, though inquisitive eyes. She is small, substantially so. I nearly tower over her petite stature. There is something intriguing about her, though what for certain I cannot say. Silence envelopes us, the only noise to be heard the soft whistle of the breeze and the distant gasping of the sea. It remains this way until an apology creeps its way onto the mare's lips.
I cannot help but wonder how she knows. Is my sadness so potent it has wafted off me to permeate the stale, desert air? Perhaps she has caught wind of your departure, the bereavements whispered between herd members. I have not seen her before. She must be new, for she smells of other lands, though still I can tell she is one of us, however novel. "You have nothing to be sorry for..." My voice is soft and melancholy, like a hidden bird that sings despite the rain in my heart.
Our daughter approaches.
There is something different about her coat. Small flecks of light roam across it - they are stars, I soon realize and for a moment I simply admire the way they sparkle against the deep, roan hue of her pelt.
My muzzle extends, pressing into the dark velvet of our daughter's. I will not reject her despite her absence - I find am incapable of such a thing. To do so would be perhaps the cruelest gesture of all. I sigh - a long and nasal breath - feeling a great weight purging with that single touch. Mother. She whispers. Her voice is like mirrored wind chimes, gentle yet laden in a thick syrup of emotions, so much I can almost taste it. "Cirrus." For the briefest of moments those two words hang quietly in the air above us, and they mean more, express more emotion, than any other probably could. I lower my face to greet Sitka who offers me a friendly lick. I know that in his protection our little cloud is safe, and silently I thank him for that.
I love you. Water collects along the margins of my eyes. I blink and the salty fluid reaches for my lashes, tumbling down the thin hairs to then streak down the dark satin of my cheek. She has been absent as of late, brooding the loss of the most prominent figure in her life. How could I ever blame the filly for something like that? I myself have suffered the loss of a father at about the same age, as you know. To see our daughter also have to bare such misfortune breaks my heart. "And I love you, my daughter." I return, my voice firm yet earnest. I crane my head around her neck.
She is getting to be near the same height as me. This realization causes a bitter-sweet expression to seize my features. "I love you more than you will ever know." There are no questions, no "Where have you been," or "Why so distant?" There is no need for such. Quietly, I relish in this moment of intimacy with our daughter. I feel a wave of comfort swell over me.Sincerely your's,
Cassiopeia
P.S. - I love you. That is something time will never change.
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