The herd meeting continued a little longer and d'Artagnan began to doze, wedged between friends and family. Muttering something about being to warm whilst swatting the flies away with his dark tail. Drifting thoughts soon formed the image of Kou, who had been absent during the meeting and made the shade wonder where she had wandered off to again. His Nurse who either never turned up or was always late. Of course, she would say that he was just as bad if not worse than her to which d'Artagnan would protest whilst she neatly wrapped him around her finger. Romance didn't come easy to the rigid Doctor of the Plague, yet Kou seemed to get what she wanted out of him every time. The Nightshade was truly confounded.

Attention slowly turned back to the meeting. It lasted not much longer and soon the gathering was adjured with the masses flittering away to whatever holes they all lived in. Or so d'Artagnan idly presumed. Ears twitched to the Frostheart's sigh and the shade gave him a curious look as the white giant leaned closer, touching his shoulder whilst beckoning him. The Mender reached to nudge his children in farewell before following Mauja in a gentle stride, gaze speaking volumes of his interest in his friends travels, but there was a darker grin behind that curious facade. "I hope it's an interesting one, I have better things to do than hear about some bewitching mare who played you into a frolicsome night."

An amused smile spread entirely across his face now as he remembered that evening when Lotus had quite easily tamed the King of the Edge.

The morning drew on and d'Artagnan fell silent, breathlessly awaiting the tale to be told about the mysterious disappearance of Mauja the Frostheart. Surely it had to be better than the bland meeting they had just had and the shade did truly want to know what happened to his long time friend, what had drawn him away from his herd that had so adored him. Even in defeat.

d'Artagnan chuckled at his friend's observation of Lotus and proffered his head in amused agreement. Not that he knew how well she 'played' the shade hadn't stuck around long enough, he remembered her intoxicating flowers like it was yesterday. Even the memory made him nauseous to the point of shivering, it was best he left than feeling the wrath of Kou later. He walked in step to the Frostheart, enjoying the companionship after a long time of not seeing him and the freedom to talk with a friend he trusted. There was a pause between words, like the snowy stud was trying to gather in his thoughts and think of the best way to deliver his story. The Nightshade was patient for the most part, though a part of him silently wanted to shake the story out of him as his curiosity deepened. Aramis bounded on ahead, nose going to floor and tail straight as he scented out his next lunch. Drool beginning to form around blackened chops that he left in pools behind him.

He listened without interrupting the story, part of him wanting to laugh out loud at the absurdity of it and rather blandly point out that it was entirely possible Mauja had been drunk. Half worried the Frostheart might have eaten one of his delusional poisons and it was all his fault. Another part of him argued that it was so obscure and fantastical that it was in fact true, and Mauja had been caught in another dimension. The Time God who created their land sprung to mind at the thought of a different world, maybe Mauja had become a God's favourite toy for a while until they grew bored a tossed him aside. d'Artagnan had not seen a Vy in the Basin, but that was hardly anything of note, since he tended to wander around their herd lands at night when everyone was asleep. When his friend stopped speaking d'Artagnan was silent for a moment, sorting out the jumbled thoughts that danced around his convoluted mind.

"And I thought I was the insane one, are you sure Psyche didn't knock you a few times on your head? I wouldn't be surprised with your track record with mares." His voice was full of jest but his eyes watched his old friend with a slight concern, wondering why the brute seemed to be so down about it but the shade said nothing. He didn't know how such a strange experience effected one's mind and he hoped if anything was alarmingly wrong, that Mauja would've confided in him. Instead he smiled and bumped the Frostheart's alabaster shoulder. "I'm not entirely sure where you went or why you were sent there. Maybe there was a purpose to it, or maybe the Gods were playing tricks on you, but I'm glad you're back. This herd needs you, whether you see it or not."

The shade was never really good at comforting words, they were rather foreign on his tongue and often it showed. d'Artagnan had been with the herd of unicorns since the beginning, watching them fall and grow again. It was also a given fact, he felt stronger by the side of his spotted friend, watching their little family climb up into something greater, hopefully giving them goals to aspire to before passing on to the next life.

The more d'Artagnan watched his old friend the more he began to see the internal conflict and he smiled faintly when his jesting comment seemed to take him by surprise. It seemed that wherever the Frostheart had gone in space and time that it had effected him in a way that troubled him, though d'Artagnan wasn't renowned for his sharp insight, he did know his friend, and something deep inside wasn't quite right. It was hard for him, the infamous Doctor, to try and reach that place within Mauja that troubled him. It wasn't something he could simply heal, a wound of a metaphorical case was beyond him though he could try words of encouragement. Even if it wasn't his strong suit and rather ruined the image he had created for himself. For a few moments he rather wished Kou was with him, she would know what to say and it would come out much kinder. Rather than his gruff tones. "My friend I lost my head a long time ago" he said with humour to Mauja's jesting question.

Heads. Who needed them.

He watched the bane as he drew back within himself again and spoke in compliments of Psyche before going to express his relief at his reception. d'Artagnan stared at him, his eyes boring into the iced blue of Mauja's as the snowy stud's muzzle touched his horn. The Nighshade had a sudden urge to hit his former King, if they were back at the cliffs of the Edge he might've even pushed him off, though he kept his violent thoughts behind the bars of his mind. Who knows what other drabble the Frostheart would come out with if he was knocked senseless. Instead lids narrowed as if he was trying to look inside his friend, find the old King who spoke words of fire and rallied the unicorns like he was some saint. The Mauja the Frostheart that he knew when he first came to Helovia, the Mauja who had followed him to the Earth God and the Mauja who installed passion into the Plague. As the red's thoughts churned his gaze turned sad for a moment before changing into exasperation followed by a sigh.

"You're different now then you were back in the first days, when our little family was first formed." He smiled at the pet name he gave the herd, the family that constantly changed but always remained strong. "Are you really that weak? Or are you running away from the uncertainty inside you? Maybe a sense of guilt for being gone from the herd for so long?" Though d'Artagnan was angered inside he managed to keep his voice at a kind level, his questions were more like probes. Trying to find what exactly it was that bothered Mauja so much. "Is it really enough... Don't you feel like you owe them more than that, you battled shoulder to shoulder with them and shed blood with them when the Edge was lost, surely you want more than their simple approval."

d'Artagnan wasn't sure if he'd got across what all that he thought in his mind. He wanted Mauja to see that this wallowing in self pity wasn't helping himself or the herd. Maybe he was wrong, the shade had a rather harsh upbringing and was always taught to ignore the hurts that plagued himself and concentrate on the important. Maybe that was why most who met him described him as being so cold. Though d'Artagnan wasn't entirely free of self pity, his depressed thoughts of the Moon Goddess still sat like a dark shadow upon his soul. His voice grew quieter and softer as he turned to watch Aramis bounding around "I don't like to see you like this, broken as you are, but I must also say I know the feeling..."

His voice trailed off towards the end and he wondered if Mauja had thought of the Moon Goddess. Her patron land she had so happily given to Mirage and her hoard of heathens. Though each time d'Artagnan had been to visit her, she'd never given away anything that would suggest a reason why she had let such an atrocity happen. It struck him the most because he was burdened with constant reminders of her, not least of all his first born son. Mesec. Who had disappeared again. The Nightshade wanted to hate her, hate her for abandoning them, but apart of him still betrayed his resolve. His own flesh and blood, his son, had her blood too. He was their son. Maybe that was why he couldn't let go.

Brotherhood. He could feel the bonds that tied him and Mauja together tug at his heart. Could he be this openly honest with anyone else? Kou was the only other that sprang to mind. Not even with his children could he bare himself to nakedly, they needed to know he was strong and that these stupid emotions didn't effect him. He couldn't deal with these feelings, he didn't know how to respond to them or what was the right thing to do. So much of him rejected them, rejected the hurt he felt towards the moon and the indecision he had towards Mesec. How could one both love and hate their own son? Why had the Moon abandoned the Edge, her own sons home, and why did he feel guilty about it? It was true that it still plagued him that he wasn't there when their old home fell, that he was too weak to even make it to the battlefield and was instead caught so easily by the enemy. It was so long ago, the seasons had been and gone. Yet, these problems still played on his mind. Weakness. d'Artagnan the Nightshade didn't like to feel weak.

He looked at Mauja when he spoke and grimaced. These words were not going to be easy, but maybe if he said them out loud he would feel better for it. The icy lord turned his head and he spoke a probing question again, there was no turning away now. He had to lay out his heart before the white stallion he had come to call best friend. However, a shaky laugh left his lips first and he too tilted his head to the Frostheart. "Don't worry I'm not dying so you can wipe that look off your face." He smiled briefly then turned to the matter at hand, turning thoughts around in his mind until finally he put them into spoken words. "It's a long story and one you already know most of. I've been berating you for being weak when really I am no better. I could not even help you in the battle for the Edge, I was held captive instead and I wasn't even strong enough to free myself. I thought, maybe, in my time as a prisoner that she might have come in aid. It was her land after all, the Moon, it was the home of her son. Yet..." He sighed rather loudly and controlled his plummeting voice before continuing.

"I hate her, but there is also apart of me that still loves her, still wants her to be the Goddess I once thought she was. I feel guilty because I shouldn't feel this way... Kou deserves better than this. Than me. I hate my son and I love him. I despise what he is and fear what he may become. When I travelled to the beloved Moon's shrine she said little to me and nothing about her betrayal or why she did it. I even did her damned quest and was blessed with her damned magic."

The Doctor looked away from his friend then and sorrowfully gazed out towards the mountains that guarded them day and night before he looked down to his hooves, eyes hardening in anger before a short ironic laugh began to tremble through his blood coloured body. "I am d'Artagnan the Nightshade. Even my name sounds like hers. I'm supposed to be fearless and not troubled by petty things such as emotions. I am the weakest of all who live here." He wallowed through the last part before lifting his head to watch the road ahead. Feeling the concern that was projected towards him from Aramis. Even though the pup was out ahead of them, he could still feel his bonded's discontent and it worried him.

d'Artagnan tried to find the pride he always carried as both Time Mender and Plague Doctor. The pride that had driven him to defeat Aaron and to remain with the herd as their healer. The love he felt for Kou and his daughters. The thought of Mesec now would be too much and so he pushed the child's image to the back of his mind, he had already failed his first born son.

It was hard. So hard, even to his best friend, to put the torment of his emotions into words. Wasn't he supposed to be the mad man with no feelings? The heartless bastard that everybody hated or feared. Yes, he was still that and where he found weakness he also found strength. Where he found pain and betrayal he also found anger and revenge. d'Artagnan was the type of horse who would be the villain of fairy tales with the wrong ideals and a deserving death, but those were just fairy tales. Reality was cruel and warped with incredible highs and almost inconceivable lows. He was old enough and experienced enough now to take this feelings, acknowledge them and place them aside. Still, the pain they gave him never lessened and sometimes it was better to say what he truly felt out loud instead of hiding it behind the iron gates of his blood filled heart. Maybe, right now, he looked like the hollow shell of what used to be a formidable stallion, but he trusted Mauja with his feelings and was thankful that he had gained such companionship and shoulders to lean upon. Every sinner needed a saviour after all.

To others, monster maybe, but he was still flesh and blood with a beating heart and a tortured mind. It was a rare day, but d'Artagnan knew it was profoundly important to come to terms with these feelings in order to grip his strength more firmly.

The corners of his mouth twitched as finally he heard the lifeless chuckle of his friend and turned to catch each word, bellowing out a humorous laugh that he couldn't quite keep in when his spotted companion compared himself to a puddle. Well, that was certainly one way of looking at it. He looked at him with eyes full of mirth, hoping he hasn't offended his friend with his sudden outburst. Silently, he listened to the rest of what Mauja had to say, he snorted at his many questions about the Moon Goddess. All he knew right now was that she was a conniving bitch that he'd mistakenly tied his life to, he even carried her damned amulet around his neck that was brought to his attention when Mauja mentioned it rather metaphorically. Though it was not something he could simply cast aside in the snow, it held too much power for that, but d'Artagnan already knew where it belonged in the back of his mind. Mesec. He wondered if his son hated him now? Was that why he never saw him?

He sighed a long arduous sigh. One more time he would go look for his son and offer him the trinket that was a symbol for his mother. Tie an end that so needed to be tied. Then walk away and let the child follow his own path. d'Artagnan loved and hated him, he would not love him like a father should, but he would not pursue him and he would not harm him. A silent promise that made him feel slightly better. He had already failed as a father anyway. Taking a few minutes to turn the many questions Mauja had posed to him through his mind and consider his next words, he too then turned to watch Aramis until finally he spoke.

"It is clear to me that the Moon only seeks pleasure for her own twisted desires. I do not think we could ever comprehend the ways of her mind. Maybe one day, she will become bored of this Mirage and play a little more. I wouldn't be surprised. This Time God, I am grateful for the land he has given us, but I still do not trust him and it puts me at odds with many of our herd mates. Yet, I cannot hide the hostility I have towards the masters of this land."

He smiled then, turning his head to one side in amusement. "They are simpletons Mauja, you expect too much of Mirage's horde of no hopers. They invaded out of selfish need and so continue that same selfish ethic into their herd life." He chuckled darkly through his words, he never tried to hide his hatred of the Dragon Heart.

"You are right there are things I must do to rid myself of these tormenting thoughts, but remember brother. Our weaknesses shape what we become, rise and become stronger than you have ever been. Defeat the uncertainty that plagues your heart then maybe we will find solace and peace within ourselves. It will not be easy for both of us, it may even take quite some time, but we mustn't forget our goals and those who depend on us. Show the Gods that we can play the game just as well as they can." He smiled at the last sentence, maybe they couldn't do the extraordinary things they could do, but they most certainly could get in the way and stir up a few problems.

Suddenly he became aware of his surroundings and the close proximity they were to his cave. Smiling genuinely, d'Artagnan nodded his head in the direction of his homely hole in the wall. "I have a cave not too far from here, if you wish to join me, we can try lighten the mood a little with some of my experiments. Don't worry, only the ones I've tested, I wouldn't want to kill you by accident after all." He laughed through the latter part and awaited his spotted friend's answer to his jovial offer of gentle companionship with a few drugs.