It was hard. So hard, even to his best friend, to put the torment of his emotions into words. Wasn't he supposed to be the mad man with no feelings? The heartless bastard that everybody hated or feared. Yes, he was still that and where he found weakness he also found strength. Where he found pain and betrayal he also found anger and revenge. d'Artagnan was the type of horse who would be the villain of fairy tales with the wrong ideals and a deserving death, but those were just fairy tales. Reality was cruel and warped with incredible highs and almost inconceivable lows. He was old enough and experienced enough now to take this feelings, acknowledge them and place them aside. Still, the pain they gave him never lessened and sometimes it was better to say what he truly felt out loud instead of hiding it behind the iron gates of his blood filled heart. Maybe, right now, he looked like the hollow shell of what used to be a formidable stallion, but he trusted Mauja with his feelings and was thankful that he had gained such companionship and shoulders to lean upon. Every sinner needed a saviour after all.

To others, monster maybe, but he was still flesh and blood with a beating heart and a tortured mind. It was a rare day, but d'Artagnan knew it was profoundly important to come to terms with these feelings in order to grip his strength more firmly.

The corners of his mouth twitched as finally he heard the lifeless chuckle of his friend and turned to catch each word, bellowing out a humorous laugh that he couldn't quite keep in when his spotted companion compared himself to a puddle. Well, that was certainly one way of looking at it. He looked at him with eyes full of mirth, hoping he hasn't offended his friend with his sudden outburst. Silently, he listened to the rest of what Mauja had to say, he snorted at his many questions about the Moon Goddess. All he knew right now was that she was a conniving bitch that he'd mistakenly tied his life to, he even carried her damned amulet around his neck that was brought to his attention when Mauja mentioned it rather metaphorically. Though it was not something he could simply cast aside in the snow, it held too much power for that, but d'Artagnan already knew where it belonged in the back of his mind. Mesec. He wondered if his son hated him now? Was that why he never saw him?

He sighed a long arduous sigh. One more time he would go look for his son and offer him the trinket that was a symbol for his mother. Tie an end that so needed to be tied. Then walk away and let the child follow his own path. d'Artagnan loved and hated him, he would not love him like a father should, but he would not pursue him and he would not harm him. A silent promise that made him feel slightly better. He had already failed as a father anyway. Taking a few minutes to turn the many questions Mauja had posed to him through his mind and consider his next words, he too then turned to watch Aramis until finally he spoke.

"It is clear to me that the Moon only seeks pleasure for her own twisted desires. I do not think we could ever comprehend the ways of her mind. Maybe one day, she will become bored of this Mirage and play a little more. I wouldn't be surprised. This Time God, I am grateful for the land he has given us, but I still do not trust him and it puts me at odds with many of our herd mates. Yet, I cannot hide the hostility I have towards the masters of this land."

He smiled then, turning his head to one side in amusement. "They are simpletons Mauja, you expect too much of Mirage's horde of no hopers. They invaded out of selfish need and so continue that same selfish ethic into their herd life." He chuckled darkly through his words, he never tried to hide his hatred of the Dragon Heart.

"You are right there are things I must do to rid myself of these tormenting thoughts, but remember brother. Our weaknesses shape what we become, rise and become stronger than you have ever been. Defeat the uncertainty that plagues your heart then maybe we will find solace and peace within ourselves. It will not be easy for both of us, it may even take quite some time, but we mustn't forget our goals and those who depend on us. Show the Gods that we can play the game just as well as they can." He smiled at the last sentence, maybe they couldn't do the extraordinary things they could do, but they most certainly could get in the way and stir up a few problems.

Suddenly he became aware of his surroundings and the close proximity they were to his cave. Smiling genuinely, d'Artagnan nodded his head in the direction of his homely hole in the wall. "I have a cave not too far from here, if you wish to join me, we can try lighten the mood a little with some of my experiments. Don't worry, only the ones I've tested, I wouldn't want to kill you by accident after all." He laughed through the latter part and awaited his spotted friend's answer to his jovial offer of gentle companionship with a few drugs.