N o t e | A r y e l
- - - - -
By my verdict NOTE is the winner.
Note has been awarded 1 VP.

Note -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
0| Attack: He moved to the left of the roan, but he left no space between their bodies. The stallion hoped to knock into the fem with his right shoulder hard enough to give her a good jolt. I understand what you meant by this, that Note was moving to the left of Aryel(which would be her right side), but the way you wrote it as '... left of the roan', it seems that you're actually running to her right side since they started off facing each other. It was a little confusing at first.
0| Attack: Bite to Aryel's throat latch. I would have given the point, but you wrote it after the shoulder knock, which doesn't make sense, as you would have passed her by then.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "He moved to the left of the roan, but left no space between them." Although I'm sure you didn't mean it as powerplay, I have to count you off, as you are assuming that Aryel is not moving away.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

---

Aryel -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Swinging body to the left to avoid the charge. Technically you would have needed to go to the right, but I think you might have gotten confused with the previous wording as I did.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking up sand at Note.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "When she reached the stallion..." While I'm sure you didn't mean it, just be careful in the wording of some things. You are assuming that Note hasn't moved, and at this point we do not know what he has done yet, so you cannot say that she even did reach him.
+ 1| Injury: Realistically took Note's bite with a bruised throat.
+ 1| Attack: Rearing and striking for Note's head/neck.
- 1| Editting: You editted this post after Note made his reply. As such, I cannot tell what was or wasn't editted, and as this is not a teaching spar where your opponent allowed changes to be made(or at least, it wasn't stated previously), I have to count off for it.

[Prose]
0| Emotion - This post was a little dry, and I wasn't fully pulled into Aryel's head while reading through it.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

---

Note -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: "The bay dodged to the left of the mare..." There is no description of how Note dodged Aryel's attack, which is vital to me giving you this point. I am left to assume what he did, which isn't what you want in a spar.
+ 1| Attack: Striking for Aryel's shoulder.
+ 1| Attack: Striking for Aryel's chest.
+ 1| Attack: Biting for Aryel's neck.
0| Injury: Getting sand in his eyes. Realistic, but I don't think he would have had time to blink it away.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

---

Aryel -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Getting 'under' Note and biting for his neck.
+ 1| Attack: Trying to unbalance Note by colliding into him while rearing.
+ 1| Attack: Biting for Note's elbow.
- 1| Dropped Attack: No mention of Note's attempt to strike Aryel's chest.
0| Defense: "... broke away, backing up a couple steps before charging down his left side..." The way this is worded is somewhat difficult for me to imagine as plausible, especially if Note is rearing.
0| Injury: Hoof to shoulder. You mention it, but do not describe the extent of the injury.

[Prose]
0| Emotion - This post was still pretty dry to read.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

---

Note -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Taking to the sky to avoid Aryel's attempt at knocking Note over.
0 Attack: "Dropping from the sky and aiming for Aryel's right wing, hoping to give her a good rest from flying for a while." What is he aiming with? His teeth, hooves, what?
+ 1| Attack: Trying to run around Aryel and ram into her hindquarters. I gave you this point because it is still a plausible attack, however, I just wanted to point out that the possibilities of running completely
around a horse and trying to get to the other side before the kick is finished, is highly unlikely, as her hooves were described as already striking out at him while he was standing still. On top of that, a horse's kick is extremely fast.
+ 1| Injury: Bitten neck.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

---

Aryel -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Causing a cloud of dust.
+ 1| Attack: Barreling into Note's chest with shoulder.
0| Injury: Taking Note's ram into your left haunch. This attack was taken on the wrong side, as Note specified that he was aiming for the right side, which is why I did not award the point.

[Prose]
0| Emotion - Not where I would like to see it, but a little better!
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

---

Note -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: Knocked back by Aryel's charge.
+ 1| Injury: Dust to eyes.

---

Note

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed: You took note of height and breed differences often.
+ 2| Surroundings: You were always mentioning the heat and how it affected Note.

[Injuries]
Nothing of note. (teehee)

[Creativity]
+ 1| I very much enjoyed Note's little moment of clarity in his last post.

Comments: Emotion isn't easy to put into sparring posts, at least in my eyes. You did exceptionally well with this! For future spars, I would recommend describing attacks more thoroughly, as well as double-checking left's and right's when it comes to attacks and defenses. I was often times left to assume just how Note was attacking, or with what, like when he went for Aryel's wing while in the air. Overall you did great, have a good grasp on your character, and have the mechanics of a very good fighter. Good job!

---

Aryel

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed: You often took into consideration Aryel's shorter stature during this spar, explaining pros and cons.
+ 2| Surroundings: You were constantly aware of your surroundings, such as the sand, as well as the heat, and used them to your advantage.

[Injuries]
Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Coming up under Note and trying to knock him over.

Comments: You were good at describing exactly where your attacks were aimed, as well as how they were put into motion. The one thing I would try and work on is putting more emotion into your spars, which as I have stated before, is one of the hardest things to do in fights. You could try incorporating just why Aryel wants to get better at fighting, how she'll feel if this or that happens, etc. Overall, you have a good grasp on the basics of fighting mechanics, and have the beginnings of a great fighter. Good job!

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TOTAL
Note - 70
Aryel - 67