| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
Rumors were always a terrible thing.
They gave you hope, or crushed it. Misled, twisted, and destroyed so many things that Tolio had never been one to promote the awful gossip. But, for once, it had given him valuable information and a ray of hope in the darkness of his life. Was it true? Tolio could only hope so. This small bit of information? Mauja had returned. Where had he gone? That, again, was something Tolio did not know. Did it matter? In the end...no. Nothing really did, at that point. The young soldier had made his decision long ago, though it had really only taken a few long weeks. What had kept him from going through with it was the loose end Mauja had become. His King had been the first to welcome him into what would become the Basin. Tolio believed only the same stallion could bless him to leave.
He was unaware of when and how he had come to this decision. Nevertheless, in the end Tolio knew it was the right one. Somewhere along the line of his time in Helovia, he had stopped being 'Tolio' and started being someone else. Who was that person? It wasn't someone Tolio knew, or had ever wanted to be. Everyone's expectations, their reactions, had formed a skin that Tolio could no longer wear comfortably. Had he ever been able to? Was he truly so weak willed that he had conformed to what others wanted to see? Where had it even begun?
Everything had changed. Tolio looked at his reflection these days and realized that he had no idea who the person looking back was. When he'd come to Helovia, he'd been a wild spirit with the heart of a foal, gold and pure throughout. Yes, he fancied males even then, but he had been a warrior through and through. Where had that soldier gone? It seemed that now, he was just a wimp. To be candid, it made him sick to the very depth of his soul. Psyche had twisted him into a darker person. Phaedra had broken his heart a hundred times, and yet made him feel just as loved in return. Zikar-Sin had made him laugh, feel happier than he had in seasons, and yet he knew it would never work between them. Call it intuition. So many others had influenced his life in the Basin, but more than anything Tolio missed the days when he had lived in the Steppe. Everything had been perfect back then. All he'd needed, really, was for Faelene and Mauja to stay by his side. In that alternate universe, had he never met Phaedra on the beach that day, maybe he would have even turned racist. He could have done so much, if he'd done that one meeting differently.
But...there was no use in musing over what could have been. Tolio had made his decision, and he couldn't take them back. Yet, there he was, determined to forcefully change the path he was on to one that he actually wanted to travel. It was a hard decision. He would not be a part of the lives of his precious children, which he wanted more than anything else. Would they even know his name upon his return? Would they hate him for abandoning them, even if it was also to keep them safe? That thought was perhaps the one that hurt the most.
He stood on the very outskirts of the Basin's territory. As close to the Steppe as he could get. Freezing winter tundra at his back, weary snowy face turned towards the home that had never been his. Though the Steppe called to his heart, Tolio knew that wherever Mauja went, so would he. Did his King feel as lost as Tolio did? Where had he gone? Had he needed time to be away, like the cinnamon prince did now? Tolio cursed himself for being such a terrible servant to the Ice King, for having let his ruler go through whatever it was he had alone. More than anything, Tolio wished to have been there. Upon his return, did Mauja feel just as out of place as Tolio did? The Basin had been founded by the inky wraith known as Psyche, which had Tolio bitterly hating her. Who was she to take the throne of the one who truly deserved to rule? How dare she recruit beneath her name, when it had been Mauja who had led an entire bleeding herd into safety? Who had rounded them up and, with the integrity in his own body, kept them loyal to him? Tolio severely doubted that any of the ex-Edge regretted following the Bane. Though the young prince had not been there to help, to fight, he wished he had. Even then, he still never once regretted following Faelene, swearing himself to Mauja for the rest of his mortal life.
Psyche would never be as great as Mauja. All she could ever be in Tolio's eyes was a snake parading around in the guise of a lion. No matter how hard she tried, she would never reach the level Mauja had.
As much as Tolio wanted to stay, serve beneath Mauja for the rest of his life, he knew that in his current condition he was of no use in the first place. Hoping beyond hope that his King really was back, Tolio took in a deep breath of icy air. Deep inside he hoped that the others would look out for the FrostHeart, that when he returned Mauja once again ruled. Zikar-Sin hadn't even known the spotted leader, and Tolio swore that he would uphold Mauja's name wherever he went, as loyally as he could. Upon his return- he would return, Tolio would always return to Faelene and his King- Tolio would no longer bow before Psyche. Not unless Mauja told him to, of course, which he would do no matter how much he hated the mere idea. Bloody ears tilted along his head and he sang, a mournful howl that echoed eerily off the silent surface of the snow. He called to him only one person, hoping beyond hope that with all the strength he had put into the summons, somewhere in their great snowy land his Majesty would hear, and care enough to follow the sound.
It was time for Tolio to shed his title, and the skin that had formed so oppressively around him. He would leave, and find the light that had once burned so brightly within himself. When he returned, he prayed he would be normal enough to serve Mauja as a warrior should.
| |
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
D: I didn't see any mention of time in your post, do you mind I made this early morning?
það var farið að skyggja og fuglarnir þagnaðir He would come — oh yes, he would come, but not from whence Tolio expected him to, perhaps. You see, the tall snow-wraith was not within the Basin when his black-tipped ears pricked to the sound of a mournful summons for himself, but rather striding across the snowy expanse of the tundra. The night was pulling back around him, the sky lighting up in the east as the sun crawled closer to the horizon, but still the darkness held sway, and in his mind, too. He felt battered and beaten somehow, but nothing upon his body spoke of a trial, nor were there any wounds for the mere eye to see. The only sign that, perhaps, not everything was right was the dirt and the grime, the streaks of filthy sweat marring his normally white fur. His white tail was more knotted than it usually was, and his mane lay plastered in disarray across his neck, strands of his forelock frozen to his horn once its frost had been allowed to be reformed.
And so, the only thing one would know, was that he had been someplace warm. And, if one knew him, or at least the nuances of his appearance, they would, perhaps, notice another thing: the five raven-black feathers, two of which had sat behind his ears and three within his tail, were missing, simply gone. No one had truly known their meaning, not even the Frostheart himself, but as Godly a gift as it had been from a murder of ravens, and how the moon itself had taken up residence in his eyes, he knew that it had been something divine, celestial.. something which he had shed, when the bitterness had claimed his heart.
The cool snow twirled around his hooves, little flakes catching the shimmer of a star, but he had no eyes for it. He was tired, he felt ragged, worn, like a beast ground down by hours of toil and a lifetime of sorrow and hardship. He couldn't help but be aware of how much weaker he had become, of how fearful, how.. dependent, and stupid. Arrogant, and naive. Jaws clenched tighter, teeth grinding together with a dry, jarring noise. He felt cheated and abandoned, but in turn, he had abandoned them, and when the cry reached his ears he merely raised his head while he slogged on, and for a moment wished that he could sink through the earth and disappear, never to be seen again, never to feel again. He knew what it was like to simply vanish, and so, he knew that what he longed for, in that brief moment, was death. Simple and clean.
But he knew that if he died now, he would regret it always.
If he had any consciousness left to feel regret with.
A humorless smile crossed his features.
Unfortunately, a certain God had made sure that Mauja never got to spend much time around Tolio. He thought he recognized the voice calling, but did not know it well enough to place a face to it; however, despite his desire to cease to exist for a moment he could not. Duty bound him so strongly to life, and somehow, to duty itself. He could no less die than he could slip, unnoticed, into the Basin. He would not. No matter how faintly his own heart beat, no matter how heavy and dark his own thoughts weighed, he would not forsake those who needed him more than he needed his pitiful misery.. and as he hardly needed misery at all, that meant that everyone — everyone — needed him.
His deep, smooth voice rolled out like thunder across the tundra.
And so, Tolio came within his sights, and his mind spun through time back into memory, into a different age; pain and exhaustion had existed then, too, but he had been stronger. Better. More worthy. Mauja's eyes picked out the chestnut's outline, standing upon the border, the mouth of the mountain pass itself, and the frosty one wondered what he was doing out here, all alone, calling for a tired old King. Sighing once, softly, then inhaled, strongly, and Mauja began to piece himself together. Exhaustion was forced aside as his neck arched slightly, bringing his tired head up higher, and each hind foot was placed further in under his body, giving each step a spring; grimy, sweaty, tired in a way he could not entirely mask, but once more regal. He would be strong for them, even if he was weak himself.
"Tolio." Blue eyes blinked in the slowly strengthening light, something honest in them — something searching, as he let them rove across the chestnut body and up to his own eyes. He had seemed so exuberant, so joyous, so breath-taken that the dethroned King himself had offered to train him.. and now he seemed as tired as the old monarch himself, who had never been able to live up to his promise. "What burdens you?" I think I see shadows in your eyes.
Don't look too deeply into mine, or the sun might seem to never shine again.
[ lolramble? ;D ]
þegar úlfarnir opnaði augu hans í myrkrinu. |
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
What comes first to announce the arrival of the King is a strong reply that roils like thunder over the snow. It was as regal as Tolio remembered, and he wondered why time- literally in this case, though the cinnamon warrior was not aware of this fact- had to be so cruel to keep the King and his Servant separated for so long. They had hardly gotten any time to acquaint themselves, and yet Tolio loved him like he loved his family, and was just as loyal. It was as if the day they had met, Mauja had branded him with the same ice that resided in the color his irises had been painted. He'd never be able to shake it, but he never wanted to. Never desired to fall to Psyche's shadowy ways, because she wasn't the same. Wait, hadn't he just gone over these thoughts? Tolio sighed deeply, feeling as if the last bits of his soul was strung out in the delicate mists that surrounded his muzzle. Weary, he felt so weary. Old. With how old he was, still in his prime, Tolio knew he shouldn't be feeling as if every part of him was falling apart like a doll handled too roughly. Had his seams been this loose when he had first set hoof in Helovia?
Musings were cut short when brain finally clicked and realized that the call had not come from the depths of the Basin, but behind him. Ears pricked in curiosity, and the lean stallion turned and stared out into the depths of the Steppe. Briefly he thanked his own intuition for standing so close to the borders with the Steppe, or the two would not meet face to face for longer. Tolio felt like he was dying with every moment he lingered in Helovia, and the desire to leave was like a fierce itch beneath his skin, a poison that could only be drawn out through time away from the land. Even so, he was faithful in his mental agony, and remained rooted to the spot, bald face turned to the snow and tired silver eyes awaiting the form of his King. It came soon enough, just as hard to distinguish from the flurries as the first time Tolio had met him. At that comparison a certain sense of nostalgia and things lost far too long ago struck him hard in the chest. Breath left him as if it had been a physical force that bruised his heart, the startled exhale creating a new cloud that was a paradox of warm and cold as it blew back against his face. All the while his eyes were trained carefully upon the stallion that approached, just as regal as he remembered. Like snakes wound around his organs, everything inside him squeezed and he resisted the urge to drop upon his knees and weep at the sight of him. It was the first time he'd seen him since his sudden disappearance, and knowing he was truly there, not some nameless voice in response to his call, made his legs feel weak and unstable. God, what was he, some love-struck filly?
The comparison made him laugh inwardly. Of all the males Tolio had ever fawned over, Mauja was certainly difficult to place. If he weren't his King, the bloody stallion would likely be all over him. What a shame. Mood somewhat lifted by the random thought, he stepped forward to meet the Bane halfway. Sweat clung to the curves of his muscles, dirt and perspiration darkening spots around his legs and flanks. Locks were tangled, and yet even in such disarray the Frost Heart was regal and strong. There was something...off in his eyes though, and Tolio caught onto it immediately. He saw it every time he looked into his own reflection. Misplaced, misinformed, lost. Haunted, misunderstood. A somber look came over Tolio's visage when he saw it, knowing that whatever had happened to Mauja, it had changed him. Soft snowy face betrayed every emotion, yet Tolio didn't strive to hide them from the other brute. Loyalty, relief, concern, love, dedication, and pride. It was a tangled puzzle, yet in his heart they all clicked into place. Once more they faced each other, and this time it was Tolio that moved forward, memories gripping at him like honey as he lifted his face to brush their muzzles together. Weary, knowing smile lifted his lips, telling Mauja that yes, I still remember, I'm still here, I always knew you'd come back, whydidyouleave, Idon'tcare, I'll always be at your side.
"I should ask you the same, my King," he admonished softly, mercury irises caring. Knowing. And with those two last words, Tolio sealed something that had been loose and aching ever since the blanketed brute's disappearance. In a slow, grand display, Tolio bent left front leg down until it touched the very snow beneath his hooves, head bowing in the same fashion towards his chest, nearly inhaling the cold flakes. When he straightened again, his ribcage no longer felt as if it were trying to strangle his insides. "I never stopped living under your name, Mauja. Welcome back. I...I wish this conversation didn't have to be the first we had upon your return." Taking a deep breath he steeled himself as much as he could. There was much he had to tell his King, and for once in his life he needed to get everything that had happened off his chest. Would Mauja judge him? Tolio didn't know, but he hoped he wouldn't more than anything else in the world. "This is hard for me to ask, but I wish to do so with your blessing. I didn't feel comfortable doing this without you being here...but I wish to leave Helovia." It was the first time he'd said it out loud to somebody else, and every muscle that had tensed up to make him seem like he had it together failed, and he drooped down into the broken down soul he really was. Disbelieving laugh echoed hollowly from his throat.
"It took a long time for me to decide on this. You have missed much, Mauja. I met a mare that turned my world around and upside down at least five times. I have twins...two beautiful girls, who take after me. She's a pegasus, you see. We have hurt each other, run to others, said hateful words that should never have left our lips, loved each other more than should be possible, and my heart can no longer take it. Your...replacement, Psyche...she turned me into something terrible for a long time. Without Faelene, I likely wouldn't be here. No pride keeps me from being honest with you when I say that without her, I would have killed myself in some way." Surely the Frost Heart remembered Faelene? Of course he did, he had to. Faelene having a daughter was a shock, but he hadn't seen her since catching wind of the news, and wished he could have departed with a word for her ears alone.
"Saying it now, summing it up in such a way, it seems truly petty for me to be like this over a few small circumstances. There is no way I can explain how I feel or felt to you, but I am no longer the Tolio I was when I first met you my King. I need to find him again." Dropped gaze lifted hesitantly up, a shattered soul that needed to put itself back together once more. For a while he just stared deep into Mauja's icy blue gaze, holding him there. They reflected each other like mirrors, both of them hurting and lost. Tolio could no longer help his King in this state, and so he would leave. Maybe when he had returned, was whole again, he could aid Mauja in whatever it was that plagued him. "If I want to serve beneath you, be at your side in battle and in brotherhood...I need to be strong, able. How I am now, I am of no use to you. What I ask is that you allow me, with your blessing, to travel away from here. After that well...what I ask of you may be hard. When I return, I only wish to come back here to the Basin and carry your name once more. Will you allow me this, my King?" Exhausted. He is exhausted. It almost hurts to lift his gaze enough to look Mauja in the eyes. When had they dropped again?
Somehow he is rambling, and he's unaware now of what else is slipping from his lips. "I know you may disapprove, but Psyche will never be my Queen. I cannot think of her in such a way, bow to her like those who recruited beneath her name can. She isn't you, and if you are not in power, if you leave, and I return to find you gone...I will not stay here. I want to be by your side wherever you decide to stay, if you will allow me to be there to die for you as is my purpose. My children...I also ask that you..." Voice wavered and broke and Tolio's eyes were far too moist for his liking. Clearing his throat, the stag held his head higher and tried not to break down. Mauja would never hold respect for him again if he did so. "Should either of my children seek shelter, would you please allow them a home here? Nobody can know that they are Pegasus born, so please just...let their horns speak that they are fully of my blood. I cannot tell you the name of their mother but their names are Hotaru and Raeden. I have told their mother that they are always welcome here. Faelene knows of them, and I hope that she will care for them if nobody else will. It's doubtful they will remember or care for me by the time I have returned..." Another clearing of his throat, and Tolio cursed himself for being so damned weak.
At last he realized that Mauja would likely not appreciate the rambling of his words, and he sighed softly. "You cannot hide from me Mauja. We are both a bit cracked, are we not? We reflect the same image, I would know that look anywhere after staring into it every time I approach water. Had I been myself, I would try my hardest to help you, but two broken objects cannot heal each other. If you will bless me, allow me to return to you, and open your land to my daughters...these are major things I ask of you, and should you grant me them, I will do absolutely anything you wish of me. Anything to help you." At last he fell quiet and retreated back into his shadowed face, silent. Just as silently, the snow continued to fall slowly overhead, never stopping their determined journey without paying heed to the two lost souls they decorated with white.
| |
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
04-02-2013, 07:03 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-02-2013, 07:04 AM by Mauja.)
það var farið að skyggja og fuglarnir þagnaðir And there they were, face to face in the soft snowfall, two broken souls. Washed-out frost met blue-tinged silver in the lightening darkness, but for all it mattered, you could've switched the souls beneath and the look wouldn't have changed. Mauja had once been in perfect control of his own body, down to every single twitch, a lid like the ice upon a lake resting just behind his iris — but these days, the waters beneath were too deep and too restless, refusing to stay caged and hidden. Even when he wished his body to mask the exhaustion and confusion, the bitterness and the sadness, it shone through in the cracks, in the tired stance visible like a shadow beneath the regal posture. He tried to remember the exuberant chestnut, next to the heavily injured Faelene, burns stretching uncomfortably on her skin. He tried to remember those very eyes, like a sky not quite sure whether to be clouded or not, and how bright they had seemed. But that was in the past, just like the Frostheart of control. It was a thing that had come to pass, and as neither of them seemed to know exactly what they stood upon anymore, they were both lost. Even if he had wished to keep it from Tolio, he knew that the chestnut stallion knew. He could see it in his eyes.
Mismatched legs drew him forward, but Mauja remained in place as he let Tolio come to him. Ophelia had once told him that he was charismatic, able to attract followers with a stunning loyalty, but in his state of bitter weakness he couldn't help but wonder if Tolio still would've welded his soul to his if he'd met him like this. It was foolish to ponder, though. He should be grateful for what he had, and so, he let his eyes close when their muzzles met, warm breaths mingling. It always struck him how soft the tip of a horse's nose was, plush and velvet all at once, and as he looked at nothing but the darkness of his eyelids he placed the knowledge of Tolio's scent somewhere deep in his mind. Then, his eyes opened, white lids slowly drawing back to reveal the tired blue, and as cold space separated them again he saw the faint smile. His own dark lips curled into a similar one, a shadow of the one he'd worn so often, a curl on one side the corner of his mouth. Even tired horses could smile.
But then he was speaking, in a roundabout way asking Mauja what bothered him, before calling him King and slowly sinking down in an elaborate bow. He had not been King in a long time, yet he could not take his eyes off Tolio.. could not mock his respect. He swallowed, instead. He'd never been one to force others to their knees or even demand they call him your grace or King — he'd never wanted the loyalty of their tongues, only of their souls. "You know there is no need to bow before me, Tolio," he said gently, quietly, on a whim reaching out to brush his dark muzzle across Tolio's red shoulder. But then, he was silent, moving his head to the side to allow him up without knocking together, his eyes searching for those odd almost-blue again. He had a feeling Tolio had something to say, more than just how are you?, and he waited in patient silence, ears tipped forward and his tired, open gaze unclouded.
And then, the chestnut began.
"I...I wish this conversation didn't have to be the first we had upon your return," he said, and Mauja thought, no, we should've spoken long ago when I just came home. In how many ways had he failed his herd, by never finding the time to seek them out one on one, to let them know he cared, appreciated, still breathed for them? But this was not about his shortcomings — this was about Tolio, and he wrenched his mind from his own abyss and listened. He said he wished to leave, but with Mauja's blessing, and though his 'brows furrowed slightly in concern he did not interrupt, only gave his head a little tilt. He confessed to having children, and Mauja wondered if he'd felt the unconditional love one could only feel for them, not even for their mothers — he confessed to having had them with a Pegasus, and when he tentatively called Psyche Mauja's "replacement", a humorless smile curved his lips. He mentioned Faelene, the mare who had brought him to Mauja's sorry band of outcasts, and one of his ears fell back. The red-maned certainly had a way of attracting broken stallions and piecing parts of them together, even if she didn't mean to, though guilt stabbed at him again when he thought of her and Sielu.
"There is no way I can explain how I feel or felt to you, but I am no longer the Tolio I was when I first met you my King. I need to find him again." His breathing indicated a pause of sorts, and Mauja let him gaze into his eyes; not even the revelation that he'd slept with a Pegasus had turned his gaze away from Tolio, nor closed the open doors just beneath. "Perhaps you could find the King, too, while you're at it," he mumbled quietly, wondering if some fragment of his soul lay trapped in the wastelands of that alternate dimension. But still, Mauja said no more than that, knowing that Tolio was not done, merely.. gathering his scattered thoughts. Patiently he waited, wishing to hear it to the end, to.. understand, perhaps, though he did not need words for that. Mauja knew what it was like to be broken.
His tongue started moving again, words rolling off them and into the dawn. At the question, Mauja's white head inclined slightly, though he still did not speak, and Tolio went on, to say that Psyche would never be his leader the way Mauja was (and again, he was struck by Phi's words — at least in this case, it seemed true, and he wondered what he'd done to deserve such devotion), and back to the subject of his twin girls.. he felt a stab in his heart at the break in Tolio's voice, and committed their names to memory. Hotaru and Raeden. Of course he would not turn them away; it was not their fault a Pegasus had birthed them. And slowly, the chestnut finished by saying that he knew Mauja was broken, drawing another humorless smile from him.
The silence seemed so loud.
After many long moments the snowbeast gave his shoulders a shrug, and the white which had gathered along his back slid down his sides to fall at his feet. Slowly he drew forward, closing the distance between them again and bringing his muzzle to Tolio's cheek. Quietly he held it there, before withdrawing. "Tolio. I wish I could have been here, for you. The last thing I wanted was to be where I was, and now that I am back..." He shrugged, again. He was too late, too late to save a lot of things, even himself. "But you're right. I know what you feel like, and in a way, I envy you, because you can leave." Mauja had to remain here, and try to piece himself together or lose everything. "And of course I will let Hotaru and Raeden live here, should they wish." For a moment he looked aside, not quite sure what to say, what to do.. his gaze fell to the snow as his head came lower. "You will always have a place by my side. It will be waiting for you, when you return." He hesitated for a moment, then said, "I will be waiting for you,". His ears fell back in a sad expression. "As for me.. I am not sure anyone but myself can fix me." He hitched his head up a little higher again, turning to Tolio again with a ghost of his warm smile. "Don't worry about me."
þegar úlfarnir opnaði augu hans í myrkrinu. |
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
Memory was an awfully faulty thing, but Tolio clearly remembered the eyes he had once known so long ago. Mauja had been strong and so sure of himself, a leader whose crown had not fallen despite having it taken from him forcefully. Back then, Tolio had looked upon the mighty stallion with childish awe and a desire to follow in his footsteps, be there to protect and support him. Now they both looked old beyond their years, torn and worn down to the core by the weathering trials of life. Mauja need not speak of his own experiences nor lay himself bare to Tolio the way the cinnamon stallion had. Tolio had forgiven his disappearance regardless of how or why it happened. Mauja was far more reserved than Tolio and he refused to push the weary man into saying things that could quite possibly be painful. If Mauja had needed to simply get away, his follower could not hold it against him. Whatever had kept the Bane from his home...be it of his own decision or outside influence, Tolio could not muster up the energy to hold a grudge or any anger towards the situation anymore.
Velvet skin touched, and Tolio mimicked Mauja's actions and closed his eyelids, wishing he could remain in this small bubble of relief. When they parted he sighed softly, eyes flickering back open to gaze tiredly at the one person that had kept him going without ever being there. So when soft timbre chided him gently for bowing when it was not necessary, Tolio allowed a flicker of a smile draw upon his own lips. Mauja had apparently not changed as much as he had feared. Rising slowly with the touch of the other's breath on his own shoulder, tinted mercury gaze immediately, faithfully, met Mauja's. "There may be no need, Mauja, but it is the only way I can show you my loyalty physically. Had there been a way to show you what goes on inside myself...I would not feel it necessary or nearly as comforting as I do." But he could not be the court jester for his King any longer, and soberly he began to draw out the poison within his veins and lay it out on the pure snow before him.
Never once did Mauja interrupt, expression unchanging and impartial. Confession after confession spilled forth like some horrible disease being purged from his body, and yet the spotted Frost King didn't so much as bat an eyelid at any of it. Had Tolio spoken of this- revealed any of this much less all of it- to any other Plague or Basin member, he would likely be killed or hunted for the rest of his life in Helovia. Relief clutched at his chest in a similar way that panic did, but with a soft awe that Mauja didn't let even a shadow of judgement pass through his gaze. The only time he spoke, Tolio's eyes softened and he reached out to gently pass his lips over Mauja's forelock. Had he been a different gender perhaps it could have been taken as a motherly gesture, but it was meant only to comfort and to show understanding. "Had I the ability to find him for you, I would," he murmured as he withdrew, sympathy on his visage.
Hesitation to speak faded away then, tone gentling with familiarity and a newfound comfort in the situation. By the time he had choked out his plea for his children to find a safe haven beneath Mauja's rule, Tolio was not sure he could manage another word. Their faces were blurry in his mind, but he loved them so deeply that the thought of leaving them hurt more than anyone else. Even Phaedra could not rival the pure devotion he held towards those two innocent beings. While he collected himself he stayed silent and motionless beneath Mauja's gaze, snow falling too fast for his body heat to completely melt it. It turned him into a canopy of snow tainted with blood beneath. The comparison did nothing to ease his tremulous emotions. His name called his attention from the small distance it had wavered, and it felt like a tremendous effort simply to lift his eyes. With it came a brotherly touch to his cheek, making dull silver eyes close at the comfort it brought him, tilting his crown to return the gentle pressure. "It matters not, Mauja. Let your worries rest. You are here now, and that is all that could possibly matter. If I could give you a season away from here...I would. You are far stronger than me for staying, do not envy me for cowardice." Before any other words could even be formed in his mind, breath left him in a harsh yet surprisingly quiet exhale. His daughters would always have somewhere to go, regardless of whether they wished to stay in the Foothills or not. Had he not cried himself dry through his toils in this land, Tolio would have shed them for Mauja in gratitude. "Thank you King...it eases my worries tremendously to know that..." Could he hear the choked, touched sound in his words? Sense that he wished to cry happily but could not? The icy wasteland of the Basin had frozen what was left of his tears, holding them hostage in a place he could not call them forth from. Composing himself took a bit longer than normal, feeling no real need to hide his thankful nature from Mauja. When he did, there was a very small glint of hope and strength in his eyes once more as his words spilled forth to reassure the weary soul opposite him. "Do not doubt my return, Mauja. Before Frostfall ends, I will be at your side once more. And even while I am gone..." breaking off with a sigh Tolio let his legs move him, brushing his cheek against Mauja's snowy neck briefly. As he retreated once more, it brushed over Mauja's and muzzles were briefly introduced once more. Touch seemed so natural with him, for once not a flirtatious gesture or fake ploy for an ally. It was simply a King and his Soldier, a brother before a brother. "Wherever I am, my support and my strength will be with you. I may not be able to fix you, but should you ever need a shoulder or someone to carry you through for even an hour, I will offer myself without hesitation. When I return, perhaps I will be able to do more. It makes me feel cowardly to leave you like this, when you perhaps need more help than I need freedom..." crown shook to rid such thoughts and the emotions that were tied to them. Weak smile returned and he gave a soft chuckle, managing it for him. Already he could feel parts of him heal just gazing upon his King's face, knowing he was granted all he had begged for, that he could return to his side when the puzzle of his soul no longer had scattered and missing pieces. "I will always worry about you Mauja. I simply must mother you, I cannot resist!" Brief twinkle of age-old mischief sparked in his eyes, and Tolio grinned slightly. Even if honesty coated his words despite the playful tone they were spoken in, he felt the need to really show Mauja that he always would worry and care for him. Playfully he brushed their horns together, smile still small but it lingered far longer than any other had lately. "Truthfully, I will always worry myself out of my mind for you. It is my job, one I accept with open arms." Leaving now felt wrong, but he knew he must depart from Mauja's company, from Helovia, soon. He had been granted his last goodbye, loose ends tied up neatly. Yet...the healing sensation Mauja had slowly started in his chest made him reluctant to part from his presence. Even if he did not stir the same reaction, Tolio felt more alive and more hopeful with his old King than he did with anybody else. Leaving had never seemed harder until that moment.
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Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
04-07-2013, 06:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-07-2013, 06:10 AM by Mauja.)
það var farið að skyggja og fuglarnir þagnaðir It was curious, really; perhaps these small touches with his past had been what he had needed. Returning from another time and place to find himself unsure of his friends, unsure of the faces around him, Psyche changed (even if it was for the better), bereft of the place of power he had had.. since talking to d'Artagnan at the start of summer he had come to realize that it was not power itself he had felt lost without, it was not power itself he coveted and wished back, but in so many ways being the King of his people had defined him. Leadership had been his identity, not in the commands he could speak and see carried out, but in his duty as guide and shield to his people. He had thought that what he had needed was some quiet time alone to find the missing connection to his soul, but isolation had not done things better. He'd grown stabler, but no less lost within himself, until the past caught up. Daltoff, bowing, calling him King. d'Artagnan, expressing a desire to see Mauja take up control again. Ulrik, glad that he was back. And now Tolio, having bowed and admitted to a loyalty that went deeper than blood and hearts. Being confirmed as Bane had taken a weight off his shoulders. He did not need to quell his instincts to lead, did not have to wonder at what he did, second guess, doubt; he was a leader. Not the leader of the Plague, for that was Psyche, but one of them. They had never meant to operate alone. They had meant to work together, Mauja's cool chilling the fire of her passion.
And each time the past came back to touch him, he felt another piece of himself fit back in. It was odd, how something so simple as a face from another time, a memory of who they had followed, could seal so many wounds and turn them into scars. Cheek against cheek he stood with a brother-in-arms, who, simply by having a loyalty like a bonfire, had strengthened him in ways he could not entirely understand. Grimy, filthy, dust and dirt mingling with frozen sweat by his loins and elbows, tired from a too-long day and with his eyes aching from the brightness of the Heart — and at the same time, he felt so much stronger than he had before.
He was Mauja. He did not need Gods.
All he needed was his people.
Tolio called himself a coward, and Mauja smiled wryly. He wasn't sure he agreed, but he was not going to argue the point. If Tolio wanted to see it as cowardice.. well, he wasn't sure it wasn't, either. He was abandoning his family, his children, his King, but was it strong of him to know that he had to leave, instead of toil in the same old tracks? It took strength to leave the ones you loved. Sometimes it was far more taxing to break away and make a change than just lower your head and keep going, despite the way it wore at your soul. At least he knew that his children would be safe. His wry little smile turned gentler, the exhaustion in his eyes softening for a moment, honestly hoping that it did not surprise Tolio. He couldn't have thought Mauja heartless, could he? No; he would not have followed him so blindly, so lovingly, then, would he? Silence came down again but he let it be, merely studied the chestnut quietly while he composed himself. It was easy to forget his own worries and pains, his own failed strength, when faced with the anguish of another. Perhaps when Tolio was gone, the regal cloak would fall off and his stance slacken, but the memory of devotion, the image of a bow, was burned into his mind.
Before Frostfall ended? So he already knew that he intended to be gone no longer than two seasons. Perhaps he could not bear to abandon his children for longer, and Mauja inclined his snowy head, pressing his dark muzzle against Tolio's as it came before him again. The subject of cowardice and healing returned, and he actually pulled a small grimace. He didn't exactly like his own weakness laid bare like this, even if Tolio was harmless. He was supposed to be there for others, not the other way around, and despite the long, exhausting day he'd gone through, this meeting was proof that there was still some iron in his spine. But before he had a chance to respond, reassure Tolio again, his voice turned playful and for a moment Mauja felt blank. Then, a grin broke out across his dark lips and he rubbed his horn against Tolio's, a little frost coming off. "Thanks, Mom," he said dryly, realizing that whenever he handed out nicknames that wasn't just a shortening of their real name.. it was something entirely stupid, like Sir, Pet or Mom. He almost rolled his eyes at himself before sobering slightly.
"You are not a coward. I appreciate the thought, that you want to help me, but-" He frowned slightly, and turned to glance out across the snow, not sure how to phrase himself. "No matter what rank someone sticks on me, I will never stop being a king. Don't get me wrong, Tolio, I will never demand power or force others to submit to my commands, for that is not what being a king is about to me. It's always been about.. protecting, caring, being there, leading and guiding. We look to our leaders when we're sad, frightened or angry, and as a king, I can never show that I am the same. I will always be strong for my people. I will always bury my own pain and exhaustion to inspire hope in them." Gently he reached out to tug at Tolio's chestnut mane, a small smile playing on his muzzle. "You say you feel bad for leaving me when I am tired. Don't. To shoulder this pain alone so that you can heal is part of being king.. part of being who I am." Angling his head sideways slightly he slipped his muzzle down, traced the underside of Tolio's jaw with the bridge of his nose. Raising his head he tried to push the chestnut's chin up a little higher, before his eyes sought out his; warm, comforting, even if sad and tired beneath. "Does that make you feel any better?" he asked kindly.
þegar úlfarnir opnaði augu hans í myrkrinu. |
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Deceased |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE |
| Brit |
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Their thoughts are shielded from each other, yet Tolio has a sense of understanding that has always attached itself to his attributes. Though he does not always see through to the truth of people, he has always been overly emphatic. Somewhere inside he knows that this is what Mauja needs. Perhaps not Tolio himself, but to know he is still wanted. Followed, adored, respected. Despite having desired this meeting more for his own sake, to gather his thoughts, it surprisingly helped him to know that maybe Mauja was benefitting from it as well. Once this was over, though Tolio hesitated lengthily to even leave his presence, it was hopeful that they would both leave in a better state. So he merely enjoyed this while he could, knowing this would be the last goodbye, the last bit of strength given to him before he left.
Leaving. Why was it so hard? When all that he had gone through since stepping hoof in Helovia was heartache, betrayal, and destruction of his own morals?
It came to him suddenly, as if he had been struck blind by a bolt of lightning. This was why it was so hard. Despite having been burned so many times, people like Mauja had kept him steady and grounded. Kept him hopeful. Faelene, Mauja, his children...so many people that had changed his life for the better despite the pain he'd had to go through to find them. They had made his life so special, kept him from doing something terrible like killing himself. It was a depressing prospect, to know he could have been that weak without them, but they had saved him. Soft sigh escaped his maw as they pulled away, feeling like a small blooming flower of hope and strength had been implanted in his chest. Mauja being the last person he saw before leaving Helovia had been the best, clearly.
Icy blues would be imprinted in his mind for as long as he was gone, along with the eyes of every other whom had loved him along the way.
Joking could only brighten their mood for so long, and the darkness swept into their eyes with exhaustion in its wake. Seriousness was not what Tolio had wanted, but quite possibly what he had needed. Soft smile tugged at pale lips as Mauja bared to him the exact complications being a leader entailed. It made him feel infinitely better to know that Mauja was both willing to share this with him, but also to be reminded that he was the King that Tolio remembered. "And that is what makes you a true leader, Mauja. That ability to hold the pain of others, alongside your own...it matters not what title you hold then, you are a leader regardless. That trait is not often found in people, and it is what I respect the most in you, Mauja." Honesty shone in brilliant silver eyes, smile pulled wistful and adoring across his face. Mauja, his King. The stallion he would kill, die, and fight for. Even in death, nobody would be able to untie the chains that kept his heart wrapped loyally to Mauja the FrostHeart's. Tolio would never bow his head to another, even if they were an immortal. Mauja was his only god.
Soft laugh, still far too similar to a giggle for any other stallion, bubbled from his lips at the playful tug to his carmine locks. "And it is a part of me to always wish to relieve you of such weariness, Mauja. It is the complex system of a King and his Follower. When I return, we can either be weary together, or strong together. There is no half-point for me, my King." Gaze had fallen in such tiredness of which he spoke of, but the gentle touch of his Bane had him lifting his crown once more in an act of strength only the Ice Heart could have drawn from him. Mercury irises locked onto glacier blue and held. Was this truly goodbye? Would this be the last he saw of his beloved Leader until Frostfall once more touched the lands of Helovia? Pain cracked in a heart that had frozen in such beautiful arrays in the Basin. Only Mauja's ice had ever managed to protect him, and Tolio could feel it washing over him like a cold blanket of understanding and well-wishes. This was not a sensation he wished to cast off. This was the cold he had loved so long ago, living side by side in the Steppe with his injured Commander. It would get him through the days to come, until he could return and aid his shoulder in Mauja's reign once more. All of this was written out in perfect guidelines for Mauja to follow in his orbs. Words that flowed in steady script only for him. Nothing was bared to his Bane. So when lips moved to verbalize the last thing that needed to be said, it was a whisper of complete acceptance for what was to come and what had transpired between them in such tender moments. "Yes, it does. It makes me feel worlds better, Mauja. I couldn't have asked for a better person to say goodbye to last, my King. This is all I could have needed to do this journey. Thank you." Last two words were said with such reverence, such utter sincerity, that Tolio knew his perfectly ice-glazed heart had been placed in Mauja's possession until the day he returned. Cared for, unharmed in that beautiful snowy substance that had been Mauja's signature for as long as Tolio had known him. There was no other he trusted to hold that third piece of his heart. Faelene and Phaedra held the other two, both encasing it in a protection he trusted them with. It was time to say goodbye. Perhaps...not forever. But in the end, Tolio knew he would return to find Mauja waiting for him, just as he had promised.
TOLIO
You know a dream is like a river, Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes
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image credits
table by whit
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
það var farið að skyggja og fuglarnir þagnaðir Each beat pounded finality. Each second seemed to stretch for ages. The open, adoring honesty in Tolio's eyes, the admiration in his voice, had Mauja lowering his gaze slightly. Unwilling, to openly meet such praise, humbled by his devotion. What was it in him, that brought this out in others? One ear swept back to hang thoughtfully, the other arced forward. Things such as true leaders.. did they exist? Was he one? Was the reason he was reluctant to associate with the term the simple fact that he was afraid of growing lax and callous, distant and cruel? While he had the strength to carry through, sometimes it took effort, and sometimes it took power of the mind to keep running down the altruistic path when parts of you yelled for self-centered action, clamored for selfish desires. It was not always easy to put others before himself, and slowly strangle the veins of his own life.
No. Not easy at all. But he wouldn't say that. Just lifted his muzzle, to tug at Tolio's mane.
If he knew — would he still follow? If he understood the price Mauja paid, would he still be devoted? Or worse, would he seek to change the Frostheart's ways? Would he want to breathe life in the decaying, abandoned parts of his life, and try to make him believe he could be both a selfless King, and someone who acted in ways that benefited only himself? Not for power, but for life, to drink the blood of the world and feel it thrum like fire in his veins — he forced a shiver down. Mauja had chosen his path in life, but he'd keep dreaming for as long as he could, and suddenly he found himself afraid of Tolio's fierce devotion, afraid that he'd make him try to reach out and grasp the dream if he only knew of it. Yet nothing stirred on his immovable surface, not a single blink or breath out of place. Temptation was the deadliest sin of all, and if someone else would urge him-? He swallowed. It was bad enough that he lingered. A clean cut would always heal the fastest but he kept tearing at the edges of the wound.
"I'd prefer strength, for both of us," he murmured, raising his eyes to meet Tolio's. Mercury and ice. No wary edge betrayed his momentary, fading panic, nothing for Tolio to see had shifted at all; he allowed his own fears and guilts to fall, return like silt to the bottom of the sea from where it had been stirred. One day he knew he would fall headfirst into it and drown, but he was putting that off for as long as he could. Instead, he watched the play of emotion in the other stallion's face — it was so open, so honest in a way that almost hurt him like too-bright sunlight does. Steady breaths washed against Tolio's throat as Mauja lifted their heads, holding them higher, feeling the shift of bone and muscle as the chestnut spoke. Slowly the Lord slipped his head out from under his red jaw, and for a moment he looked at the pale, washed-out horizon. What else could he do? What else could he say? It seemed he had tied up the last loose ends of Tolio's, breathed some ounce of strength and life and determination back into him — his gaze returned to the other, and despite his brief anxiety earlier, of things unrelated, he realized that he would miss the loyal stallion.. and that he'd be happier when he returned, if he was less broken, more whole, cheerfuller. Mauja inclined his head slightly.
"If you linger any longer, will you ever have the strength to go?" he murmured quietly, before glancing up with a small, wry smile. It was not that he wanted Tolio to leave, but he knew that the longer you stayed, the harder it was to go. Gently, he reached out to bring their muzzles together again, eyes sincere.
þegar úlfarnir opnaði augu hans í myrkrinu. |
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
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not the end, just a new chapter :: mauja
