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I'm waking up to ash and dust
There is a mound of volcanic ash and dust just next to the center of the crater of the Heart. It doesn't look as if its been there very long, a seemingly fresh mound of ash, which is only more confusing for the mound should not be so large if it were so fresh. As one watches, the dust shivers and falls and, suddenly, it is clearly visible that it is not a large mound of dust, but a large horse covered with a thin veil of it...
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
The mound shifts and a loud, obnoxious groan is emitted the beast. It deepens as he continues to awaken, and then, suddenly, bright green eyes open to the night.
I'm breathing in the chemicals
He doesn't say a coherent word as his behemoth body rises from the ashes, moving backwards, but merely grumbles about his mechs being on the skitz. How dare they! These were top o' the line and weren't scheduled for maintenance for another 200years (if he were to even live that long). It was probably that bastard Cinnoru/the Puddle of Doom again, messing with all the magics. He continued, steering backwards, until he made it to a hole where some oddly colored steam was rising. It was not near the open of the molten vagina, but on the outskirts of the clearing, avoiding the, rather unkempt, bush. The 18hh black beast giggled at his analogy as he mentally attempted to turn on his lights. Gods be damned. Freaking space-wasted zorlog ship farts!
Why, glowsticks why had the Evil Puddle taken his LIGHTS. The lights that stop me turn to stoo-oone, they shine when I'm alo-one...well, space farts, I don't want my lights to turn to stone, thinks the cyborg. So he thinks on it a while(with great difficulty, seeing as he had a hangover) and deduces(at least he thinks he deduces, it could be induces, but duces were always best when they were going out, and not in, so it should be de duces) that, because his mechanics were going backwards, and his lights were part of his mechanics, perhaps he could just try and use them backwards and he'd move forwards. He squeezes his buttcheeks and closes his eyes and, with great effort and a small fart,the lights turn on decently bright. Mwhahaha, in yo' face you Puddle bastard you! and then he managed to think backwards to get his head to move downwards enough to sniff the gases, and then back up. Mhm, that was good stuff, free, and unlikely to spread all over the land and get other horses high who will subsequently hate you. With a slight snuffle his mind becomes clearer than before and he is more easily able to think of moving backwards in order to move forwards. He was back in black with a brand new track and he was gonna have e'eryone in da club goin' cra-zay! Glowsticks, he had got to get himself some ass. It had been far too long since he'd had some fun. But, alas, these strange creatures wanted you to "fit in" and not "be weird". BAH! He'd had enough of that in his Great General days and Gaga knows, that he did not want to go back to that idiocy of falling into line.
Though, the more he thought on it, the more it sounded appealing. After all, he'd always gotten the most mares when he'd been General. Deciding that it was a good plan of action, as soon as his massive headache went away, to sober up and go find some mercenaries. The first step: to walk it out, now walk eet ouut. MMMmph! He'd tried to dance again, and fell flat on his face with the loudest, metallic, clanging thud anyhorse was ever likely to hear. "Well," Noise thinks to himself,"At least I've evolved to Metallica and head bashing" and proceeds to squeal quite loudly in the oddest contradiction of his deep, stalliony voice, Haaalllllpppp!.
"..."
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