| Hidden Account atk: 3.5 | def: 8 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Equine :: 16hh :: 6 HP: 66 | Buff: NOVICE |
| Stephy |
 I am wandering, wandering through the bleak lands between where I used to be and where I am now, both literally and figuratively. I am as lost as I am in one as with the other. I no longer know where I have come from, nor where I am going. My once shining blue ice pools are dull with confusion and something that feels like bitterness, but what could just as easily be sorrow. See, I cannot make up my mind whether to be angry,sad or just plain dull. I feel like I have lost everything, but nothing at the same time.
For, you see, what I have lost is someplace where I didn't fit in, and someone I barely even knew. So why am I feeling so obliterated? Searing anger drives it way through my veins, quickly followed by waves of tumbling grief. I cannot decide to be relieved to be away from what I was becoming or agitated about being humiliated in front of all those I once called family. Demons throw themselves clumsily around my cranium,bouncing off its walls with larger thuds that cause me to shake my dial in frustration, hoping to shake them out. No such luck would come my way of course.
As my hooves noticed a change in the ground, be it that harsh sand of the desert changed to a softer form of vegetation, I decided to pause in my pity party and actually take in my surroundings. I blinked in surprise as I noted that I was now in what appeared to be a relatively vast, dense forest rather than the expanse of desert I had been trudging across for the last god knows how long. I had been running away for some time it seemed. Away from the humiliation of failing in battle in front of my war bred comrades. Away from the guilt that haunted me, that it was my fault the rebels had killed Isidora. And away from the grief that the beautiful Spanish princess was dead, all because I had gone soft and taken my eye off the ball.And it clearly hadn't taken me long to get back to my invite only pity party. I was starting to bore even myself.
I picked up my pace, my long grey pillars quickly fell back into the regimented brisk march that had been drilled into me from day one of my life. My shimmering pearly banner now dragged along the floor, picking up debris, and I had to constantly blow my bangs from my eyes in order to see where I was going. Once I reached a suitable clearing, I drew to a stop and looked about me, looking for any sign of life that might be lurking in the shadows. I brought myself up to my full height and drew my head into my chest, just like the warhorse I had been bred to be..
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Equine :: 15.2 hh :: 6 (ages in Orangemoon) |
| RayoDeSoleil |
I am afraid that loss is something that I am far too familiar with.
From the time I was born to the present, I had been on the receiving end of first pain, then fear, then prejudice. When I had arrived in Helovia, I had been convinced that I would be met with more of the same - and yet I had been treated with kindness and respect. But just when I felt comfortable - just when I felt as though I could relax, that perhaps I really was not such a monstrosity after all, my understanding of myself had been ripped out from under me. It had been my own fault, admittedly; Thor had healed my mind for me, had done everything for me... but here I was, still broken, still unsure of who I really was.
I should be thankful, I told myself over and over again, but it never stuck - again and again I found myself lost, abandoned, unsure. Starting over. Always, forever, never truly fitting anywhere. Was I destined to such loneliness, or had I exiled myself? Was this a trap of my own making, or was I simply required by the laws of the gods or the universe or life itself to wallow in my misery? Could I simply decide to move forward with my life, to adjust? Did I have that option?
When Thor told me the truth, I had found myself for the first time well and truly angry. I was angry that he had withheld the truth from me, angry that he had not seen fit to share with me my own affliction. Perhaps it was that I felt that he had taken a piece of me without really explaining what he had taken - and so I had not been willing to give it up. In a way, it was almost thievery, but I had opened my mind to him, invited him in - if your houseguest takes what you have willingly laid out before them, who is in the wrong? I found myself wandering, leaving the Edge, heading for gods-know-where, just simply wanting space. To think. To feel. If I even felt anything anymore.
And before long, I found myself in the Threshold. Ah, the memories - I had once traversed this very same terrain on my way into this land, and now I could not for the life of me decide whether I was grateful for the journey. My emotionless analysis, however, was interrupted by an odd scent - well, not odd, just one that I had not yet been privy to. From it, I could tell that it was not from around here, and I could tell that it was a male. Equine, pegasus, or unicorn remained unknown, and for a moment I frowned, contemplating whether or not to expose myself. But then, what did I have to lose, really? Not that I was suicidal... or maybe I was. I don't think I was quite sure anymore.
Chocolate pistons spurred me through the trees, trying to catch up to the steed in grey that I could see not too far ahead. I slowed as I approached, not wishing to startle him, and perhaps subconsciously recognizing that I would need to be able to escape should he wish me harm. My voice, though, was clear and calm. "Good afternoon, sir," I called after him. "You are new to these lands?"
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| Hidden Account atk: 3.5 | def: 8 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Equine :: 16hh :: 6 HP: 66 | Buff: NOVICE |
| Stephy |
As I stood in this new land, pondering again on my own fragile state of mind, at the height of navel gazing, I wondered if this was it. Was I meant to feel this lost forever, being torn by what had been bred into me, and that which lay in my soul? Which one would win, the peaceful soul, or the war bred cranium? Because surely one of them had to win out, this fight couldn’t continue forever. It would drive me insane or be the end of me. And the next question would be did I have a choice over which on took precedence over the other? Because I would choose peace and I would choose to forgive myself, to end the tormented ghouls that haunted me and surged through my veins, causing the violent breaks I had been suffering from since I had cowardly run away.
I barely remembered anything of the fits, I would just wake up somewhere I didn’t remember, my pure coat spattered with dirt and rust coloured blood. A war horse broken, seeing violence and hate everywhere and dispensing justice where it saw fit. It made me feel a little sick that that could be me. I always prided myself on being a fairer mind than the others I had grown up with. But it would seem that I was to be afflicted with the same fate that they were. Was there any way I could choose not to be? All I wanted was peace in my heart, before it charred beyond saving and the chance to lead a quiet life with the possibility of feeling love again.
I was shaken out of my reverie by the strong notes only possessed by a wench that was approaching from the west of me. I had smelt her before I heard her, the snapping of twigs telling me how close she was. I stood to attention, my body language shut off and closed. I didn’t want to encourage interaction right now. I didn’t know where I was or what I could be letting myself in for.
The snapping of twigs slowed a bit as she finally came into view, a not unappealing chocolate covered pelt with a caramel banner and bangs. Quiet pretty, if that’s what you liked, I guessed. Her eyes suggested all was not as it seemed, something lurked back there, which made me relent my stance a little, for I knew how that felt.
My harks pricked as lyrics dropped from her dial. ‘Good Afternoon, wench. You would be right in thinking that I am new to these parts. Pray, tell me are they worth stopping in, or should I just be passing through?’
I kept my tone neutral, but I hadn’t yet decided to fight or flight, or whether she was to be friend or foe..
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Equine :: 15.2 hh :: 6 (ages in Orangemoon) |
| RayoDeSoleil |
Nearer to him now, I took a moment to look him over. A steel grey pelt over hard muscles, a very warrior-like build, although he lacked many of the scars that I had grown accustomed to on the bodies of our soldiers. He was taller than me, though not by much, but whereas I was rather dainty in stature, his entire being screamed of strength. Was it simply coincidence, or would I always find myself drawn to stallions that were larger than I? Did I think that I needed protection? And if so, from what? From myself? How was brute strength supposed to provide that? A long, ivory banner hung in gentle waves, and I found myself entranced by the locks. I would have expected such lovely hair on a fae, to be sure, but on this stallion, it only seemed to add to his regal stance.
He stood at attention and seemed to be looking me over much as I did him. Noticing this, I realized that I likely appeared quite rude, and I quickly directed my plain brown gaze to his icy blue one. Perhaps, in retrospect, that wasn't the best idea, as his light orbs were piercing and, to an extent, entrancing. It was not a romantic feeling that drew me to him, but rather the sense of a kindred spirit lurking in the shadows of his mind. He held himself with rigidity and discipline, like any good soldier would, but I felt that there was more to him than met the eye.
He seemed attentive enough as I spoke, though, and in his response I felt that I grew to know more about him. 'Wench' was not a term of endearment, to my thinking, and perhaps it ought to have offended me or something; however, I let it slip by, recognizing that he meant no slight by it. After all, he didn't know a thing about me - one must be prepared for the worst in any given situation, must they not? His tone was carefully neutral, and I guessed that he was a no-nonsense sort of warhorse, the kind that wanted simply answers and disliked beating around the bush. Perhaps they are born like that, these warriors, or perhaps it is simply drilled into their minds from a young age. I will never know, for I am not of their kind. I almost wished I was, though, for at least then I would have direction, rather than floating around on the breeze as I did then.
I considered his words for a moment, wondering just how I would be expected to respond. With the truth, no doubt, but to what extent would I know what that was? After all, I was quite twisted around at the time, with my mind on some dark path that was difficult to control. I found myself wishing often that I had never come here, or that I had died en route - but did that make the land bad? I thought of all the good that I had seen, and I realized that it did not. "Well, sir, were I you, I would give this land a chance. I'm sure that a traveller such as yourself knows that in any land, there is good and bad; it is simply what you do with yourself that determines if you'll like it or not." I smiled slightly, recognizing my words as advice that I, too, should heed. My head dipped respectfully. "I am Tamira, of the World's Edge herd. Might I ask your name?"
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| Hidden Account atk: 3.5 | def: 8 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Equine :: 16hh :: 6 HP: 66 | Buff: NOVICE |
| Stephy |
Feeling her appraising gaze look me up and down, I wondered what she saw. Could she see the turmoil in her eyes as I could in hers? Could she see that I was being torn in two, as if by two different horses clamouring to get out? Maybe all she could see was the brute I had been bred to be, the proud war horse, the assassin for hire. I wanted to scream that that wasn’t who I was, that there was something kinder, altogether more peaceful deep within, but my body wouldn’t let me. It still held me to the standard that my parents had drilled into me right from the very beginning. This again brought me back to the very question, would nature or nurture win out? For I was getting exhausted from the battle that was being waged from the very core of my being. I smirked at the irony.
As her intense ochre gaze met my azure one, I felt a jolt of recognition. Not for her, but for the confusion that her pools held deep within them, it pierced straight through me and scared the hell out of me. It was like I was looking into a mirror. How could this pretty little thing feel just like me? It wasn’t even possible. There was no way she could have gone through anything like what I had. Nobody would let someone like her go through the pain I had experienced. Surely someone had protected her from that at least? The sensation that was coursing through me right at that second was one of protection, I wanted to keep her from the world and the horrors it held and had clearly used against her.
I was grateful for that surge of emotion as it led me to start to believe that I had a choice into what side of me would overturn the other. For you see I may have been bred a war horse, a warrior, a brute even and I might have been brought up to behave like one, but in my heart of hearts, I knew it wasn’t meant to be. I might have had the smarts for it, perhaps even the strength, lord knows I had the breeding for it, but something was missing. Perhaps that killer instinct, for I always left whoever I could alive. My comrades jeered at me for it, but it helped me sleep a tiny bit easier in the night. Although I was still haunted by terrible night terrors that left me screaming and sweating as the ghosts rattled against the sides of my cranium, clambering to escape.
I watched her ponder upon my words for a while, clearly thinking of an appropriate answer. I couldn’t decide whether that said more about her or the lands we were standing within. I took the chance to study her a little more. She wasn’t much shorter than me and she held herself well, mahogany pelt glistening under the small beams of sunlight that the trees allowed to pass through. Whatever had happened to her in the past, she was certainly well looked after now. I wondered if she lived her, or whether she was merely passing through like me. Her delicate lyrics answered my silent questions. I listened with care, as her words were more intelligent than I expected and they made a lot of sense to me.
‘Greetings Tamira, your words make a lot of sense my dear. I will take them under advisement. I am Arlo, and I am a mere nomad, currently passing through your lands. Tell me, why are you out here alone when it is near nightfall?’
| Deceased |
| Mare :: Equine :: 15.2 hh :: 6 (ages in Orangemoon) |
| RayoDeSoleil |
The question of nature versus nurture was one that I had often considered for myself. I feared that I had been raised solely on nurture, for I had very little time to develop any true nature before I was outcasted, hated, and feared even by my own who did not understand my true problem. Did I even have a 'nature' to speak of? Or was I simply destined to be the way that others molded me to be? No, surely not - surely I had a choice, surely I had a sense of self somewhere. Perhaps it was only buried, far under the mask that I hid behind for fear of the reactions of others. But even that was lost now, for what need had I to hide?
There was something innately protective about his gaze that replaced the rather aloof facade of only moments before, and I found myself growing more and more intrigued by this outsider. The recognition that I had originally felt for him only became stronger as the seconds ticked by, and I decided that I wanted him on my side. I would never think to start a romance, of course - I have a mate, a mate that I owe everything to - but I could certainly use a few more friends. And maybe if he had similarities to me, he could understand me in ways that even Thor could not. There is something to be said for empathy over sympathy, after all.
Truth be told, my words had surprised even me. I was not used to being put into the spotlight in such a way that required me to describe my home - actually, I wasn't really used to being in the spotlight at all. Once I might have shrank into shyness, fumbling for the proper words and mannerisms. I had always erred on the side of caution, from the time with I was cast out to my arrival in this land. Midas had met me then, and he had thought me quite the polite, kind mare. I suppose that was an apt description, but what about the other side that he did not know of? What had she been like? Even now, I do not know the full story behind my disorder.
Still, they seem to satisfy some hidden requirements that the steed held in his cranium, for he seemed to visibly relax. His words were now much kinder, and I was referred to as 'my dear' rather than 'wench.' It was a welcome change, and I offered a smile in return. "It's lovely to meet you, Arlo." My lyrics were still soft, gentle, almost as though I were coaxing his kindness out. His question, though, caught me off guard - to what extent did I want to explain my wanderings to a stranger? I hesitated, some semblance of those once-familiar mental walls returning. "I have had a rather overwhelming change in my life recently, and I needed some time alone to understand it. I really didn't notice the time," I finally told him. "My home is in the World's Edge, a lovely land on the cliffs near the sea. You are welcome to join me on my journey back, if you wish."
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| Hidden Account atk: 3.5 | def: 8 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Equine :: 16hh :: 6 HP: 66 | Buff: NOVICE |
| Stephy |
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Arlo
For all is not always fair in both love and war..
As I watched the cocoa coloured mare, something switched in my brain. Gone were the feeling of protection, and in flooded the anger and bitterness that had been stalking me stealthily in the deepest shadows of my cranium. My icy pools blazed in resentment, for why was she here and Isidora not? It was almost as if another personality had slithered over me in a cloak of darkness and had taken over my whole being, oozing from me. There was no way she wouldn’t have noticed.
The peaceful, protective side of me lurked in the very corners of this other place I was now in, and it begged of me not to turn on this kind soul, the one who seemed so much like me. It prayed she would forgive me for whatever was about to happen. The demons whirled about in excitement, pulsing through my veins, urging me on. I could feel the life blood pounding in my ears, causing me to stomp in discomfort, ivories gnashing. I had completely lost control over everything, I exhaled and gave into it, hoping there would be something worth salvaging after.
Now, Now, what do we have here..? What a pretty little thing, too pretty to be out here alone.. A smirk appeared on my maw with these thoughts. Oh the fun we could have.. I moved towards her, banner held aloft, harks pricked and pools blazing blatant sexuality. Winding my way round her, taking in every inch of her lithe, lean body. I dipped my dial, looking up at her from under my eyelashes with a serpent like charm.
’Come now deary, what could a pretty thing like you need to think about? Surely just which colt to tease next or something just as inconsequential?’ The lyrics came out in a drawl I had never even heard before. From behind the scenes I cried out in sorrow at those words, for I had seen the turmoil that resided behind those pools of hers, I had identified with it and now I was using it against her. ’Oh surely it’s not home time for us yet sweetie? Think of the fun we could have out here under the stars..’ With that, I placed a well-timed nip upon her rump, not quite hard enough to draw blood.
My whole resolve to try and salvage the situation once the demons had had their fun was crumbling, there would be nothing to save here, I would be better off hightailing it out of there rather than face those entrancing eyes of hers. Quit whilst I was nowhere near ahead.
Silly thing, out here all alone, opening yourself up to all sorts of danger. Who could hear your screams out here, let alone come and save you? Your herd are miles away now deary. What’s to stop me from taking advantage of your stupidity?’
Slithering around her, banner swishing, pools shining brightly, taking in her beautiful, delicate scent, my senses started to heighten. The back of my mind was screaming for the demons to stop before they went way too far..
"Talk talk talk."
Think Think Think
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| Deceased |
| Mare :: Equine :: 15.2 hh :: 6 (ages in Orangemoon) |
| RayoDeSoleil |
Mood swings were something that I was blissfully unfamiliar with, though I had unknowingly had many of them in my time. Despite my lack of awareness, it was very easy to follow the direction of his thoughts. The kind, gentle soul that peered out from pale blue orbs withdrew abruptly, leaving something altogether wicked in its place. I was confused, for what had I done to merit such treatment? Had I said something wrong? Perhaps my kindness had ushered a new demon to the forefront of his mind? I realized that I may never know precisely what came to haunt him in that moment; I also realized my danger.
What he did not know was that I had seen firsthand what such turbulence could do; I had watched my mate call me back from the brink of darkness, though I did not know it to be such until much later. I wondered if he was like me - would he remember this particular part of our encounter later, or would it simply be lost in a sea of blackness? I had never remembered the darker side of me - even now I cannot call any remnant of her to the surface. But Thor assured me that she was there, and I trust his word, despite my recent lack of affection. Perhaps it was the potential danger here, but I resolved then and there to do everything in my power to mend what I had broken.
Arlo stepped forward, and I stepped back. My movement was not enough to avoid him entirely, as his larger stride overcame my own as he wound himself around me. The look in his eyes filled me with fear, and I worked hard to suppress it. If he saw the weakness, I was sure that he would pounce. What would my punishment be? A beating? Rape? Death? I did not wish to experience any of those things for varying reasons - aside from the unpleasantness that I would surely feel, I knew that such actions would infuriate Thor, and I had no desire to throw even more fuel on the fire that burned between he and I.
His icy gaze roved freely over my body, just as intrusive as a touch would have been. I pinned my auds immediately, raising my head. The effect of my motions gave me added height and also showed that I was not to be trifled with. I would not vocalize these thoughts, nor would I present him with empty threats, but the stance that I held would convey that I planned to stand my ground. His words filled me with dread as he slipped around me, an oddly serpentine-like movement for a warhorse. I gritted my teeth, remaining silent still. My body tried to turn, to keep my face to him, but he was too close, too quick, and I was trapped in his unwelcome embrace. The nip on my rump elicited an outraged squeal; I lunged forward, kicking my hind legs out in his direction. I only halfway hoped that it would hit, for I knew that somewhere beneath this ridiculous facade, the gentle being that I had spoken with before still lingered.
Wheeling, I planted my hooves firmly and snorted a warning. He spoke of taking advantage, and I would sooner fight him than allow that, even if I would certainly lose. A small part of my mind wondered at this newfound bravery - had my personalities somehow been combined by the healing? - but that was a question for another time. "I am not stupid," I told him frostily. "And my worries are none of your concern." Guilt welled in my chest as I remembered that this wasn't truly Arlo, and I sighed. Still keeping a watchful eye on his movements, ready to dart away at any moment, I continued grudgingly: "You don't scare me. There's more in you than this anger, you know."
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