There has always been a connection between Phaedra and I, and I suppose it should come as no surprise that she has come now to seek me out. I am lucky that she has done so, really, as I doubt I could be spared from my recent appointment as Forger. There is so much to be done on the wall, not to mention other projects, and our other Forger is mysteriously missing. Well, not so mysteriously, as it turns out - the poor steed is a captive of the Aurora Basin. It surprised me to hear such, as he is a unicorn, and I thought they only disliked other species there, but... well, stranger things, you know.

A trill from above catches my attention and I grin up at the bird soaring down from the skies. I suppose one could say that I have always had a connection with Stella as well as with Phaedra; it was I that assisted Phae in completing her quest for the secretary bird, and I am almost sure that the creature knows as much. After all, from my understanding of bonded pairs, they share thoughts and emotions even closer than lovers. Even if I am mistaken, I very much like to think that Stella's call was a pleased on, and so that is what I shall tell myself, at the very least.

I am thrilled that my touch is received and returned, for there was a time that I felt that I would have been rebuffed if I had attempted such a thing; Stella's antics draw a laugh from me as well. I am altogether much happier than I was only moments ago, before I had known it was Phae. "I've missed you too!" she says, and I feel the warm satisfaction that only a true friend's greeting can bring.

And then, rather suddenly, it disappears. It's not her fault, not really, except it kind of, sort of, is. Her mention of the extra weight - of course I'm fatter, I'm pregnant again! - and then Note leaves me grasping for words. I am sure that my face gives away the emotions roiling beneath the surface, for she has managed to rather quickly unearth every bit of guilt, anguish, and resentment that has been planted within me. I can feel the shocked, rather thunderstruck look on my face for only a moment before I burst into tears. "Oh, Phae-" I choke out roughly between sobs. "I don't - I can't - I'm so - it's all just - so messed up - I -"

I become incoherent as all of the pain washes over me. Impulsively, I rest my head against her neck, trying not to think of it as hiding in her mane (when really, that is what I'm attempting to do). As unwanted as this outburst is, and as long as it seems to drag on, it does eventually begin to subside, and when it does, I feel only a deep exhaustion. The other feelings are there as well, they didn't just disappear - oh, how easy that would be! - but they are calmed, numbed, almost, and I am able to speak once more. I draw back, take a deep breath, and say, "I'm... pregnant." Again.

Before she has a chance to reply, I'm bumbling through my story: "I had twins, Phae, only one of them was... stillborn, and I got really depressed, and Note was always gone being a soldier, and I was trying so hard to keep it together, but then he'd disappeared and I ran into another stallion, and I just... he made me feel so... special, Phae, he made me feel like I was one of a kind, and I... I made such a huge mistake, and I was hoping that nothing would come of it, that I could just... forget, you know, but..." I gesture hopelessly to my ever-so-slightly swollen sides before returning my forlorn gaze to hers.

"I don't know what to do now. I don't know where Note is, I haven't seen him at all in ages, I don't know if the other stallion would even care to know I'm carrying his child. I don't know if I want Note to show up, he's been gone so long. And Skysong, gods, I'm such a horrible mother, Phae." Tears well in my eyes again, but they don't spill. "I just want to keep her safe, but I haven't had nearly enough time to spend with her, not since I was named Forger - that's the dust, by the way -" Not that it really matters where the dust is from at this point. "And so she's been with Rowan most of the time, and I love Rowan and I know Skysong does too, but I'm not there, and I'm her mother, and now I can't even give her the family she deserves since Note's gone, and even if he were here, I'm pregnant with someone else's baby, and... and..." I trail off rather hopelessly, my tale at an end. Maybe she can help me.

I sure hope so.

"talk talk talk"

Live... I want to live on fire
Die... I want to burn out brighter
Brighter than the northern lights
Want to live to feel the daylight