 your heart is an empty room
You are a fool.
You are spineless, pathetic; there is an ache inside of you that you had never felt before, the kind that turns your stomach and leaves you feeling empty, soulless, despite the darkling inevitably growing inside of you. For the first time in your life, you knew fear. At first it had been simply a trickle resounding in your heart, from the moment you allowed a man you hadn't ever known, hadn't ever had the intention to know, touch you in all the right ( and very wrong ) ways. It had been small, something that mattered not to you, for a sense far greater filled in and overwhelmed your guilt, your lack of confidence: pride. In your own way you had thought that by being with another man that it would sever the last of the tangled, destroyed heart-strings you shared with the boy haunting your every step, forcing them to be remade, forcing him back to you, if he would not come willingly, if he could not find it in himself to forgive a mistake you had made ( and you will never admit it, never truly know ) while in the clutches of youthful ignorance.
You are selfish, resting on the verge of heartlessness.
It had been easy for you to ignore and to disregard - but as time had passed slowly, so slowly, that pride began to no longer be enough to satiate you, and the icy. gnarled fingers of fear began to permeate through to your very marrow. With an elongated sigh your body visibly deflates, kaleidoscope eyes following the interrupted swirl of the water as it gushes past, tugging at inky tresses that skim the surface, a lily-white and forlorn face looking back through you. Despite everything, there is a singular question that rests on your mind: what would happen now, now that you are carrying a child you never wanted in the first place, something you allowed merely to bring someone you had utterly destroyed ( he betrayed you, left you ) back to you? You hadn't a maternal bone in your lithe little body, nor any want to learn how to be; so what would happen now? To the child, to you, to him -- to the things the both of you used to be?
You are a parasite.
You can only guess, and that, that scares you more than anything. Nothing had ever been uncertain for you, when everything was decided before you even had the chance to know. Nothing had ever come a surprise, not when your father left you for the clutches of a women on the brink of madness, nor when the days changed but everything stayed the same, grew stagnant. Your father returning without his heart, stripped of everything that you could name that defined what made him, that wasn't a surprise either. And when your mother died, and your life disintegrated into nothing, thread after fragile thread, it was nothing less than expected. You were a girl that lived to those expectations that were all but laid out for you, and now, now that you had done something ( and you still do not understand the severity, feel the full weight of responsibility on your thin shoulders ) so significant, you had never felt more vulnerable.
And nothing more.
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xxsimplicity-stock | fantasydesignstock @ da
for ali with tajjjj<3
( if you want to join, feel free to ask~ :D )
so, i totally had this post all planned out.
my muse decided to take itself hostage and totally went somewhere else.
i tried to convince it to do otherwise and all it did was argue the whoooole way ;-;
that is my excuse for this sad, sad excuse for anything.
 TAJHERI</style>
you should have learned by now, i'll burn this whole world down</style>
The tall grass of the meadow shifted and rustled following in the wake of the sooty buckskin as he moved. Only occasionally did he pause to reach down and rip a mouthful of grass from its roots, chewing slowly as he moved along. For once Tajheri felt completely at ease. The lust he had been experiencing only a few days before had been satiated thanks to some pretty little thing in the grove. What was her name? Had he even asked her for it? After only a moment of thinking he shrugged his muscled shoulders and began going about his business once more. What did her name matter, anyway? It wasn't like he was going to see her again.
The grass continued to shift behind the stallion, eventually passing him, all due to the little wolf-like pup that was frolicking through it. Even jumping into the air as high as she could didn't allow her to see over the tall stalks, and so she ran blindly, only stopping when she ran headfirst into the pale white leg of a horse who was not her bonded. The pup yelped and toppled backwards onto her rump then looked up at the mare, innocent blue eyes wide.
At the sound of Slade's yelp Tajheri lifted his head, his gaze immediately finding the pale mare. She looked familiar, but it wasn't really her face that Taj remembered. Without a word to her or his bonded the stallion started forward at a quick trot, circling around the mare as he pretended to look for his pup. A smile curved his lips as he passed behind the mare. Oh yes, he remembered her. She sure was dainty looking, but she sure was sturdy under his weight. He didn't linger long as he came to a halt a few paces to Mikali's right and turned his body so he was facing her.
"Well, well. Fancy meeting you again ...." His voice trailed off as he, again wracked his brain for the mare's name and came up empty. Whatever. "Slade." He then called to the pup who barked eagerly and began plowing through tall grass in her bonded's direction.
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your heart is an empty room
All too quickly are you aware of the sudden sensation of something alive and warm against you, the shock of the impact ( albeit minute ) causing you to twist your body in alarm, your eyes wide, ribbons dancing fluidly with your movement. Scornful is the gaze that finds the creature though it only stays on her little body for seconds as movement catches your eye. You would know that face anywhere, the jaded green of those eyes in your sleep. Immediately a hiss emits from you, ears pinning to your skull as you draw your head back, straighten your posture into tense discomfort. He circles, and you only coil yourself further, harsh gaze focused square on the ash of his face, daring him to do anything. As he recedes, speaking words which you do not even hear, you do not hesitate to advance, your steps deliberate, gaze precise and dangerous. Anger festers beneath your skin and it is anything but discrete, pouring from every inch of you in copious amounts.
'You,' It is a growl, a low jeer spat at him with fiery hatred. 'You, you - ' It simmers for just a moment, washing from your face as the heat of his body overpowers it, leaving you numb and breathless. The red clears from your vision and you are faced with the soot-gray of his skin, a body that, regardless of consequence, you will always belong to. You exhale, the warmth of your breath bounces from the underside of his cheek, his neck, body quivering. You had never held yourself to morals, never learned the wrong in indulgence, or the meaning of self-control; so why, looking to his face, those eyes lacking familiarity, why does it feel just that: wrong? 'How could you?' Dejected and soft you pull away, gaze faltering from the faults written all over his face.
'I don't even know you.'
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xxsimplicity-stock | fantasydesignstock @ da
TAJHERI</style>
you should have learned by now, i'll burn this whole world down</style>
"You. You, you."
"What's the matter?" The stallion questioned cheekily. "Don't know any other words?" Oh, but she knew good and well how to speak. Maybe she was still basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking and didn't know how to thank him properly for giving her the ride of her life. The cheeky grin was followed by an even cheekier smile. Tajheri, the sex gods. Finally, the anger behind the mare's words finally reached through his thick skull and he blinked, his green eyes narrowing on her when she came to stand too close, her warm breath washing over his skin as he stood there. Slade sat nearby, whining as she was clearly uncomfortable with the close proximity the mare was to her bonded.
"How could you?"
"How could I?" The question was followed by a snort and a roll of green eyes. Of course he knew what she was talking about, he wasn't that dense. "You weren't saying no." He pointed out. "Don't you start all that 'woe is me, I was raped' bullshit you mares like to pull. You sure as hell weren't complaining or saying no." His glare was harsh when she pulled away from him, saying that she didn't even know him.
"Didn't make a difference then, why's it matter now?" Mares, why did they all have to be so damn confusing and emotional? "The fuck is wrong with you?" Why were all the psycho ones attracted to him? He didn't have the time or the patience for their bullshit.
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your heart is an empty room
'Raped?'
The word is a long, restless drawl - half incredulous, half almost confused. Your gaze narrows into contempt, poisonous and threatening, tossed sideways at the pup as she whines, then aimed for those pale green nothings reflecting the world around you, holding no soul, no feeling, nothing for you to latch on to. Much like a cornered wild-cat your avian-boned frame raises, becomes sharper as the remainder of ecstasy crosses your mind, forces yet another shiver that shakes straight down to your core. Despite the weeks that had passed, despite your frail knowledge of how wrong it had been, a burning hunger still resides within the pit of your stomach, gnawing evermore within the back of your mind. Lips part, and the rough edges of your youthful frame become that much more defined, wiping from your mind, your warming body the pleasures that you could almost wish to forget.
'Raped, no.' The boy, your boy, dances through your mind then, which shudders violently to the thought of telling him, breaking him further than he had been by your hands, despite the lack of intention. 'It makes a difference because you took advantage of me.' Your voice cracks, the sheer confusion of emotion that seeps through the fractures nearly unbearable. Your face grows hot with a shame that you have never known, your eyes watering, blurring the dense meadows that sway so peacefully in contrast to the swelling oceans of your heart. 'I was never made to belong to you.' You do not know what to say to make it better, you can only hope, knowing that he will not, take heed to the ice-heart that so quickly is melting, bleeding inside of you.
'Do not think me someone who would mistake you for one who does not know the smell of weakness, the look of desperation, confusion, the sound of defeat; do not think that I do not know of you, your kind - you knew, you knew, and you acted on vulnerability and selfish need.' Even still, as a breath of crisp air painfully fills your lungs, you know, somewhere, that he is right; that it makes no difference, that it changes nothing - especially the fact that a lust-child grows within you, poisonous to your very being. The edge in your gaze wanes, and you soften the tiniest proportion, though it is hardly noticeable as a settled, if not frightful, sensation numbs you. 'I would have done the same as you.' Murmuring, you try desperately to mend your fraying control, blinking slowly as you exhale. Insecurity flashes beneath those long lashes for the tiniest fraction of an instant, teeth finding the flesh of the inside of your lip, tearing.
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xxsimplicity-stock | fantasydesignstock @ da
don't feel the need to mirror. XD
seriously, i don't know where the wordiness came from.
 TAJHERI</style>
i won't describe all the pain that i will bring upon you
look in my eyes, or did the shame destroy your vision</style>
"Sweetheart, there was no taking advantage of you. You gave it up willingly. You were almost begging for it and I gave you what you wanted." Tajheri replied condescendingly. "If I took advantage of anything it was the situation. But then you weren't complaining while you were writhing under me, were you? No, you were enjoying yourself." A cocky grin crossed his lips as he continued speaking to the younger mare. "It's a little late for you to want to change your mind now, what's done is done. The only thing you can do is fucking get over it." His teeth clicked together when his sentence came to an end, but then she was talking again.
"Say whatever the fuck you want." His impatience with the mare was growing with every word that fell loosely from her lips. "Say that you were vulnerable and desperate just to save a little face but you know what you wanted. You know you acted like a whore." He snapped, but really, he wasn't complaining about the way she acted. He satisfied himself and her in one fell swoop. It wasn't his problem that she didn't want him now that she got what she wanted. He didn't want to keep her to himself, anyway. All he'd wanted was a little satisfaction granted from the body of a mare.
Was that so bad? Did it make him so different from other stallions?
"I would have done the same as you."
"Then why the fuck are you complaining?" He asked impatiently. "How do you know you weren't the one conning me with your body and your looks?" He stopped short and stared at the mare, his sea green eyes narrowing. "You're a sneaky little bitch, you know that." he said, though the faintest hint of a grin curled the edges of his mouth. "Real sneaky."
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your heart is an empty room
'Personally I don't see what difference it makes, and I'm not going to further leech my time away arguing with you.' He crawls under your skin like the insect that he is, with a parasitic smile to match, boils your blood with the empty gaze that seems to look straight through you. You guess he's the kind of boy that your father should have warned you about but never had the chance. The kind he passively tried to keep you from by forcing you with a boy that left you in the end. Looking to stone color of his skin, you cannot blame the june-eyed boy for doing so in the first place. You weren't made to be someone's only, you weren't made for anyone at all. It is something that you knew since the night that his lips touched yours, arms surrounded you in a warm ( lonely, desolate, confining ) embrace. You never expected the boy to know and yet, while you would never belong, you expected him to stay, to call you his though you were anything but. He throws words at you and you roll your eyes, a lingering glance cast in the direction of the towering branches of grass, waving gently in the heat of the wind.
'Sneaky?' Innocence borders the contours of your face, but you mirror the grin on his face, sighing a petulant sigh and rolling your shoulders to form a shrug as you look back to him. There are questions stapled to the back of your mind, the underside of your tongue, but for a while you do not speak, instead focusing on the hushed noise of the river, the gay chirps of passer-by birds. You wonder absently if he understands the suspicions of a child growing within the confines of your skin, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as you examine his face. The only conclusion you can think of is that he wouldn't care; that it would be your responsibility ( the word is foreign, oh so very foreign ) to do what you will. For the moment, you are utterly clueless.
'Who are you?'
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xxsimplicity-stock | fantasydesignstock @ da
utterly museless. excuse this :c
"Personally I don't see what difference it makes, and I'm not going to further leech my time away arguing with you."
"That's right." Tajheri replied haughtily. "Give up because you know you aren't going to win this argument." Whore The insult was barely contained, but he'd already called her a whore once. Any more would just be pushing her buttons purposely and antagonizing her. Wasn't that just his style, though? "Whore." He muttered under his breath as his gaze fell to the wolfpup that now romped in circles around his forehooves. Yes, it was his style to push buttons and hurt feelings. If she were his sister, which thankfully Mandrake had never kept the weaker sex around aside from herself, he would have done quite the same.
"Sneaky?"
Seagreen eyes rose back to the pale mare's face and he snorted. There was a flash of innocence before she copied his grin. The cocky grin had more right to be on her face than the feigned innocence did. If what he suspected was right, the mare hadn't known innocence in quite some time. "You forgot the bitch part." he replied flatly then laughed when she asked who he was. Question of the century, wasn't it? There he was, nearly six years old and he couldn't remember anything of his childhood. Weren't they the years that defined who a horse was?
"I am Tajheri." He finally said to the mare, though he left it at that. He could have thrown in that he was the brother of Archibald, son of Mandrake, and name his countless other brothers. He was tired of living in their shadow. "Who the hell are you?"
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Credits
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