fight to save a smile

the Rift

[PRIVATE] fight to save a smile

Aylin Posts: 89

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Mare :: Unicorn :: 16.0 :: 3

ali

05-25-2013, 12:34 AM

...aylin...

crying isn't secret, it's the art of how we grieve

The last thing I ever expect is for Knox to come to me and embrace me, but that was exactly what he does. His chest bumps against mine and it was just a reminder of how much bigger he is than myself. His whinny breaks my heart further and I find myself leaning into him, allowing his heavy head to rest across my shoulders as my own rests against his side. I wonder if he can feel my tears soaking against his black hide and I wonder if he thinks of me as a fool for crying, but I'm not crying for only myself anymore. I'm crying for his loss and my mother's. For Roanne. I'm crying for the father who died before he got to watch his only son grow. I'm crying for the child who never knew his father.

I feel Knox's muzzle against my cheek and so I crane my neck so that I can touch my muzzle to his and offer what little comfort I can to ease his heartache. How long has he gone without grieving, I wonder. Or has he grieved for so long that he finally can no longer handle it on his own. Sadness is a funny thing, I think. It eats away at your very soul and leaves you hollow and feeling like you have no purpose. You could be surrounded by a herd the size of the Edge or even the Basin and still feel completely alone. I don't think many understand what it truly feels like to be sad, but in this moment I know that Knox does and if there is no other level we can relate on there is at least that.

He speaks and I let my head rest back against his side, rubbing my cheek against him in what I perceive and mean to be a comforting manner. It's funny what he asks because moments before he appeared as Roanne I was thinking about dying and letting my misery end. My head stills as I begin to speak. "I cope because I have to." I say in a hushed tone. "There is little joy, but what little joy there is is worth living for." But I won't lie to him. "But there are times when I do want to die. I think 'wouldn't death be so much more peaceful, so much easier compared to this life?' But everytime my thoughts drift to that dark place someone saves me from that darkness and brings me back into the light." I wonder how many times I'll sink back into the darkness before the light finds me and keeps me in its embrace. "You were my light today, Knox. Thank you."

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