Who am I now? All of those words together in one sentence alone make my stomach churn in styles it wouldn't even like to think of, but it's true. I don't want Mom anymore, the word alone threatens me with a roar inside my chest. Amara was all I had, and what was Tonka going to say to me when I told him the truth? My truth to him was for sure going to hurt him more than I ever wished to ever do.
How was I going to tell him that I was leaving at my first chance, and that I want to spend time soul-searching to myself? My time with everyone, just not with Adrixaura (Oh God, I don't even have the love for her now to call her 'Mom'.) and Tonka (Again, I lack the will to call him my Uncle now, for he never truly was), but with those who shaped me. Sol never played a beginning in my part of life, and Dad, the only family I think I have now, is gone. He seemed to have fallen exactly off the face of the earth, and when I went looking for him in the times I needed him most, he didn't exist. His scent couldn't linger over the glades of grass I forced down my throat while ignoring the pleads for milk.
The question still is, Who am I now?
The sands here can bring back the most beautiful and happiest memories in my life. Wasn't this the place that Amara and I first met? That was a time before the Sun went away, that night being the beginning of this whole mess. We laid together in that cave, watching the rythmic pattern of the waves pulling in while telling each other stories. She spoke of her family, of the Pirates and those before her. That story stayed in my head forever, and when I think of my great-grandparents and their story, I am only reminded of love, something that is lacking in my life at the moment.
Nighttime is no longer bothering me more, and each day/night I'm beside the sea studying what herbs I can find, trying to figure out their purpose and what not. Weaving wraps from seaweed now doesn't seem to hard now, using the glow from my horn to light my way. The horn that I worried about all the time as a newborn wasn't as bad as I thought it would be now. It was truly useful now. It was a beacon in the darkness, and I was able to assist others to achieve their destination with it. This wasn't what I was supposed to do, but when the Sun returned, I was going to ask a god for my magic. Wouldn't that be amazing?
A bird flutters by my head, moving with a such a quick pace that I turn my head and watch it go by in curiousity. "Are you alright? Is there something down there?" In this darkness, you were never able to see what went on where your eyes didn't see. The bird could of been a bother to me, though I had tried to become friends with a bird recently (Yes, a bird. Though we couldn't talk, I tried. Bob is dead, don't you know?), and when I seemed to receive some friendship, they stayed close for a day and left, flying northwards. For any soul that just saw a bird flying north, it wouldn't bother them. It is Birdsong, and birds will fly further north. For me, it seems as if the bird was asking me to go home, back to my family.
Yet everyone knows that I can't. Its a thing that's not possible, and I think it's about time to that they accept that dreadful idea.


If you could hear me then, can you hear me now?

OOC: Awkward serious Sikeax is growing up. <3
@[Kilchii]

You would find it strange for me to say I like this night today, finding to see down and relax. My body was eloped in the waves now as I laid in them, bathing. Adrixaura wasn't going to bother me about it, and maybe when I grew more, studied a herd or two, maybe even joined one(Not the Basin or Foothills), I would return to check on those in my family. A very simple plan that could be worked out with ease.
There's a voice in the darkness, making giggles erupt from me. The colt who called me a monster (a first) was smaller than me, bringing a smile about my face. For once, I wasn't the smallest one around. He had a young soul like I did, reminding me of who I was before Adrixaura messed me up. Time was going to shape me back into the same filly that I was before this, making sure I got there before I was a mare.
"Well, you never know! I might be a real monster! RAWR!!!" I jumped up pretty fast, swinging my head around with my mouth open to seem more 'monster-like'. Children, oh wait, I'm still one. Opps.......
I bolted down the same as water tried to drag me back home, asking me to return home. The water seemed to be the only place I belonged, my soul drawn to it like it was meant to be. He seemed to be blushing as I got a bit closer to him, causing me to halt fast and laugh softly towards him. Like my time with that Basin colt, he was going through a common thing all foals do. No one is ever surprised.
"Oh, what's that on your face? I believe I can see a bit of blush. Don't worry, you're pretty cute. I'm Sikeax, daughter of Roy Strider, and Doctor of the Assassins. Who are you, Cutie Pie?" His nickname was followed by a giggle, Adrixaura's name left out in a plain and common tone, like it was supposed to be. Denying her existance isn't too bad, but still, she is my mother, and this colt is best off never knowing her.
My head was lowered to meet his, glow from my horn lighting both our faces. Now in mixture of my horn glow and moonlight, I could see his horn. It reminded me of Tonka slightly, but not enough for something to click first thing. There weren't much like my father and I about, but we still were unique. Tonka could easily have other foals out there, not saying I was his child, but there was the chance of him bearing children. "Would you like to play a bit? These Birdsong nights, or should I say days, are lovely here. But, any way...." I leaned in, guessing he wouldn't know what I was about to do, and went to poke him lightly with my horn. It would be nothing more than a prick, and wouldn't hurt. "-You're it!"
At that moment, I took off into the waves, bouncing into them as they tackled me. Laughter errupted from me I took time for this childish moments, hoping the colt was going to get the idea of this game. Had he ever played tag before? What kind of childhood would he have if he never played tag?

If you could hear me then, can you hear me now?

He could laugh, or at least try at it, bringing a soft smile to my face. I liked him instantly, having him around brought a comfort to me. In the time that I pretended to be a monster, he seemed scared. Was he supposed to be scared? When I was at his age, I was already out running to places that I wasn't supposed to be, though that was before the Darkness came. Poor child, coming to this world in the dark when I was born to soft stars that within a few hours I was welcomed by the warmth of Frostfall sunlight. The land was changing so fast.
My gaze shifted to the stars momentarily, inspecting them with curiousity. Moth- I mean Adrixaura, had a certain pull to them as I did to the water. When our times were good, I got nights to lay with her to view the stars and learn the constentlations. This colt probably wouldn't be so interested in learning about that, but if I was able to keep up with for just a bit, then I might teach him later on.
He then, spoke his name, of his parents, and what he belonged to.
My heart instantly shattered.
The heart inside my chest was made of thin glass, my chest a brick wall protecting the fragile object with endless safety, but Tonka's name as his father knawed at me like a dog chewing on a bone. I didn't mean to ever meet on of them, even though he lacked most of the scent that followed any fellow Assassins. My pale blue eyes blinked in confusion for a moment as I pulled my head and light away from him, allowing myself to break off and keep my emotions from his view. Tonka? What would he say when he found out that the colt knew where I was, and that I was running away? The thought didn't last long enough for me to think over it. He asked me if I ran away from home.
Yes. I did.
It remained a thought inside my head for that he was too young to ever understand what was currently happening. "Well, I don't think it should be calling running away. As a healer, I need to leave home to gather herbs, learn more skills, and speak to other healers. It's a full time job, and without me, the herd wouldn't be able to heal with they're hurt. We wouldn't want that, would we? I've been wanting to see Tonka again since I've misseed him, so when you're ready to go home, I'll take us home and we can talk again. How does that sound?"
A reasonable offer to him, knowing he'd probably take it. His nature didn't remind me of his sire too much, but I could now see my 'Uncle' inside him. Yup, this is surely his son.
We went out to the waves, him taking his time to figure out exactly what 'tag' meant, and what to do when you played it. I rolled my eyes, laughing softly towards him. The waves accepted my presence, welcoming me while they seemed to reject him. They tossed him about like a rag doll, giving him an awkward appearance as he tried to regain himself. "Yeah, the waves are hard to figure out at first, but they're pretty awesome once you get them figured out."
He caught himself after that, going after me. I went at a slower pace so that he was sure to get me at some point, and when the prick of a horn got a hind leg, I knew I was 'it' now. "You're gonna get it now! Fear me, Sikeax the Water Phoenix!"
I plunged after that, bursting through waves with no mercy to them at all. I didn't care if he was my lead's child at this moment, the only idea being that he was a colt that needed a playmate at this time. I'd take it up, as of Amara wasn't always around.
Oh yeah, Amara has to meet this kid. Seriously.

If you could hear me then, can you hear me now?