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09-09-2013, 10:39 AM
- - - - - By my verdict Lena is the winner. Lena receives 1 VP and earns one point for the Basin attackers. SAGE -- post 1 (attack only) [Realism] + 1| Attack: Sage's left side into Lena's right + 1| Attack: Bite toward's Lena's face + 1| Previous Experience: Not even previous - literally just prior to, experience :P [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read. LENA -- post 1 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Moving forward to try and avoid Sage's strike - taking the injury to her right hindquarter instead. 0| Injury: Bite to the neck - no mention of pain, only that hair was pulled out. + 1| Attack: Throwing her head up/back to gouge Sage's left side. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read. SAGE -- post 2 [Realism] - 1| Injury: I really struggled with this, but ultimately I don't think it's realistic. Lena's attack seems to follow right after Sage's teeth tear into her neck - she doesn't describe her needing to pursue Sage at all to make the attack. However your reply is written such that Sage has time to land, veer away from a tree, and contemplate the available light, before Lena's attack hits. I think it would have landed while Sage was still in the air/just as she landed, or not at all. + 1| Attack: Bucking towards Lena's right side + 1| Attack: Kicking out at Lena's face as she tries to put distance between them. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: That's right - even the air would be sorry. lol. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read LENA -- post 2 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Sage's kick to Lena's right thigh + 1| Defense: Avoids Sage's later kick by having moved left. + 1| Attack: Imogen trying to bite/scratch the right side of Sage's chest - 1| Borderline Powerplay: Lena dissolved from the haze, appearing at Sage’s left - this assumes that Sage hasn't vanished into thin air, or flown away . + 1| Attack: Horn attack to Sage's left side. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Easy Read: Best breed comparison ever! Granted the brief, rare opportunity amongst mist, trees and darkness, she noted the other mare’s appearance at their fleeting proximity, close in height, composition and shape without wings and horns they could be lithe laurels in the glade, dancing to the drumbeats and trumpets of campaigns + 1| Flow. SAGE -- post 3 [Realism] + 1| Injury: Imogen's attack to her chest + 1| Counter-attack: Rearing and thrashing her legs to get Imogen off. + 1| Attack: Bite at Imogen + 1| Injury: Lena's horn to Sage's left flank. + 1| Attack: Buck towards Lena's right shoulder + 1| Attack: Flying leap attack towards Lena's Left flank. [Prose] + 1| Emotion: + 1| Flow. - 1| Easy Read: In your last line, you say that she's aiming for Lena's right flank - but she's attacking from the left. Given that it's her front hooves (and not her back, which could hit Lena's right side once she passes over), I think this was just a typo - but it did make me re-read it a few times. LENA -- post 3 [Realism] - 1| Dropped Attack: no mention of Sage rearing/flailing her front hooves to try and get Imogen off. + 1| Injury: Having Imogen thrown away by Sage's teeth + 1| Injury: Sage's kick nicking Lena's right shoulder. + 1| Defense: Lunging right to avoid Sage's kick - staggering a few steps as a result of the blow. + 1| Defense: Healing song. + 1| Attack: Trying to jab Sage's right side as she flies above. + 1| Attack: Kicking upwards at Sage's right side. [Prose] + 2| Emotion: OH NO IMOGEN!!! All the feels!! + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read: SAGE -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Attack: Kicks towards Lena's right side. + 1| Defense: Running behind the tree to avoid Lena's horn attack + 1| Defense: Avoiding Lena's kick due to tree cover. + 1| Attack: Front hooves aimed towards Lena's left shoulder/ribcage area. [Prose] + 1| Emotion. - 1| Easy Read: Given that Lena's post already covered the timeline, having Sage attack her right at the beginning, made for a very difficult read and timeline. I also think you interpreted Lena's 'brief' song, as having lasted longer than it did - for you had Sage land and look/listen, then run away and mock Lena before her attack hit. + 1| Flow. LENA -- post 4 [Realism] + 1| Defense: Scrambling to the right to avoid Sage's attack. Takes the injury to her left flank. + 1| Attack: Kick towards Sage's chest [Prose] + 1| Emotion. + 1| Flow. + 1| Easy Read. SAGE -- post 5 (defense only) [Realism] + 1| Defense: Rolling into Lena's kick to lessen the severity. LENA [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison. + 2| Surroundings [Injuries] Equally Injured [Creativity] + 1|Granted the brief, rare opportunity amongst mist, trees and darkness, she noted the other mare’s appearance at their fleeting proximity, close in height, composition and shape without wings and horns they could be lithe laurels in the glade, dancing to the drumbeats and trumpets of campaigns Comments: Your writing is beautiful! Especially when it came to Lena's thoughts about poor Imogen! Really great work! SAGE [Bonus] + 2| Breed Comparison. + 2| Surroundings [Injuries] Equally Injured [Creativity] + 1| That's right - even the air would be sorry. THAT'S RIGHT AIR. EVEN YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT. Comments: I love reading Sage. Especially lines like this: She had gone from a classy champagne to a rather baudy ale, and it may even get worse before this is all over. Sage could almost hear Madryn's amused voice now: You look terrible. TOTAL Lena - 81 Sage - 78 |
image credit to Paulo Brandão
