M a d r y n | T o l i o
- - - - -
By my verdict MADRYN is the winner.
Madryn receives 1 VP and earns one point for the Edge defenders.

MADRYN -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
- 1| Attack: Bite toward Tolio's left croup. Since you mention simultaneously merging into a rear further down in this post, the bite would likely not land, as his front end is lifting upward.
+ 1| Attack: HULK SMASH toward the left buttock.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
0 | Flow: You should consider when writing simultaneous attacks such as the bite and rear how it would happen in real time, as it throws off the flow of the attacks that are concurrent. Writing them within the same paragraph might help to keep the reader from taking them as separate events.

---

TOLIO -- post 1

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: Moving forward is a good move here, but your damage is what bothered me. "...he stumbled as a shoulder barely kissed his croup from the left side..." -- You are allowing Madryn more leverage to his attack by moving away, so even a brush would have more force than a full-on smash from his shoulder to the hip. Consider what happens, for example, when your hand clips the edge of a plate hanging from the table, or when you hit the edge of the door rather than the center. Hitting on the edge sends an object of smaller mass flying! Since Tolio is moving during the hit, he has even less balance.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking toward Madryn's chest.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "...ending up with his crown pointed like a compass at the large stallion, facing the south-east borders." -- Here, you are undoubtedly placing where your opponent is directionally. What if he moved, running back into the trees? Why should Tolio be able to face south-east and that be exactly where Madryn is?

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

---

MADRYN -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Using the mud to slicken the movement of the kick was a great idea.
+ 1| Attack: Left foreleg strike toward Tolio's left cannon. I originally was going to award a zero for this, since I doubt Madryn will be able to catch him, but you do mention the speed difference prior, and Tolio is trying hard to overcome the drag of mud.
+ 1| Attack: Bite toward the left flank.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

---

TOLIO -- post 2

[Realism]
0 | Sidenote: "...Despite the fact that his breed could hardly rear, the dark brute lunges..." Draft horses are perfectly capable of rearing. Madryn is also part arabian, so he is built more like a heavier set Friesian.
- 1| Defense: Rearing and moving to redirect the bite. Bites are fast, and Tolio stops and ponders his options during the time Madryn is making these fluid motions. I just don't see Tolio having enough time to move out of the way, to be honest. Plus, I am uncertain why you would take an injury closer to the stifle than the flank? The flank is a much less delicate area, and is less involved in movement than the stifle. This, overall, just did not make sense.
- 1| Injury: Scrape to the cannon. A large hoof to a fragile cannon backed by a full arch of movement would snap that bone and probably render Tolio lame.
+ 1| Attack: hooves toward Madryn's lower spine.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "...the angle would have his breast aligning with Madyrn’s left flank..." -- Or, it could not. You already learned that Madryn can move away from your directives, and you may not dictate where your opponent is in relation to your character, aside from the injuries you are taking upon your own. i.e. hooves connecting with flesh.

[Prose]
- 1| Easy Read: I had to stop and re-read this several times in various places to understand what you are doing.
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

---

MADRYN -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Counter-attack: Pushing left toward Tolio in an attempt to knock him over.
0 | Injury: Hooves to the left of the spine and right flank. I think you downplayed the pain in this post to make Madryn's attack, but otherwise it was fine.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

---

TOLIO -- post 3

[Realism]
- 1| Injury: Shoulder to the ribs. Madryn clearly states he takes injury to the right flank due to their close proximity, but you mention Tolio's hooves scraping the left side. They do not. This means that Tolio would have to raise again, then come down or slip off from Madryn's flank, which is not written. Therefore, he should have been hit while in the air.
+ 1| Attack: Horn toward the left barrel/thigh of Madryn.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

---

MADRYN -- post 4

[Realism]
0 | Defense: Spinning on his right hind to minimize the hornslash damage to the let thigh. No real mention of pain for this injury, and I would think a flayed left thigh would hurt a hellova lot, even though you do incorporate it hindering his movements later.
+ 1| Attack: Kick toward Tolio's face.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

---

TOLIO -- post 4

[Realism]
0 | Defense: Sliding back on Tolio's hindquarters. This reads as though you completely forgot the injury to Tolio's left hind earlier, both to his stifle and cannon. This maneuver should be difficult and painful. The injury was written well, though.
+ 1| Attack: Horn slash toward the left crest and withers.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion: "...the thicker foliage-mud-combo only aiding him in chasing after the hobbling hunk. Ew, no, not a compliment." -- I lol'd.
0 | Flow: There were parts of this post, whether you mention him almost taking damage to his face and chasing after Madryn with his horn initially, that read as possible injuries or attacks when they are not. That is disruptive to the flow and makes for a jerky movement in the mental movie of this fight.

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MADRYN -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Head thrown down and front end shying toward the right.

---

MADRYN

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed Comparison: You use the breed differences between Madryn and Tolio beautifully in this fight, when thinking of attacks and the amount of damage, mindful of the speed, and it worked out in your favor.
+ 2| Surroundings: Using the mud for a defense was brilliant! You keep the footing in mind, as well as using a tree to still Madryn at one point.
+ 1| Health: Least injured.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Mudslickened kick defense.

Comments: Madryn is awesome during this fight, and I believe that you have the mechanics down. You had creative ideas and you knew how to use Madryn's bulkier size to his advantage, rather than letting the speed of Tolio's build hinder him. Excellent fight!

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TOLIO

[Bonus]
+ 2| Surroundings: You keep the mud in mind during this fight, having it hinder Tolio. The footing is always mentioned, good or ill, throughout all of your posts. I think your initial strategy to have Tolio hide in the trees was great as well.
+ 1| Breed Comparison: I think you tried to keep their height and build in mind and mentioned it often. However, the problem was that you often looked at your opponent's disadvantages and incorrectly assumed a couple of things. When using breed comparisons, try to think of what helps Tolio and how to use that.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Using the mud to hinder and help Tolio through footing. Flip-sides were cool to read.

Comments: I think you were too focused on your opponent's faults or hinderances during this battle, and not enough on what Tolio could be doing. You misread your opponent's posts in a couple of places, even if they were very clearly dictated. I also believe you made impossible changes to the time frame in certain areas. Also, another thing I noticed was that you were using the borders of the land to place Tolio's direction. That, however, does not help me at all. "Right", "left", "behind", "in front" etc used in a nondeclarative way help envision the battle, but saying "Tolio is facing the southeastern border" tells me nothing about his relation to Madryn in this battle. Overall, you did a good job!

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TOTAL
Madryn - 73
Tolio - 61