the Rift


[JUDGED] Looking For Trouble - Felix, Challenge

Oliver Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#1


Break them, or I will...




I paced back and forth. The field around me waiting to be explored. I could either explore, or pick a fight. I did want to spill some blood, other horses' blood. I halted and thought for a moment. I could always fight then explore? Yes, we'll do that! Who would challenge me here, and how would they fight? All I had to do, was remember that I was behemoth. My withers stood at 18hh, and my wings had an extremely large wing span. I unfurled them, hearing a woosh. My golden appendages glittered under the pale moon's light. I squinted my eyes and tried to see into the distance. I didn't see anything moving, but I felt it in the air. Someone was here.

What it was didn't matter to me, I wanted to fight. I am and was a good fighter, so I thought I could take on a horse here, but I wasn't sure. The most I knew was that I could serious damage to a horse, small or big. I think I had a chance, even if it was a small one. I just had to learn the way of a Helovian fighter, and then I had to become one. It was my goal to advance here, even if this is the only place I ever get far in. I wanted to last, to make an impact here, but first, I had to prove my worth, a step at a time.

My muscles tensed as I caught a scent, but a scent of what? I hoped this would be my opponent, maybe if I was lucky, this horse could become my prisoner. A prisoner I could hold for ransom, or maybe I could keep him or her until he or she bored me, and then I would allow her to leave (and take whatever consequences from the horse's family and friends.) I knew I would do something with my prisoner. Maybe just give his freedom to a herd and allow the to deal with it.

Who knows what I'd do.. I certainly didn't. I could be very unpredictable at times. Only those who truly understand and know me, know how I'll act. Even then, sometimes it can be a guessing game. Maybe I just trick everyone? Maybe I don't want anyone to know how I'll act, so they'll never get bored... or maybe I'm just slightly insane, and no one knows it.

Do you think I'm insane... or just a trickster?

"Thinking. Speaking. Acting."


OOC :: This is a challenge against @[Felix] for his freedom!
- 4 Attacks + Closing defense
- It is set on thistle meadow. There are trees far in the distance and nothing near us, but the ground under our hooves. The air is crisp and refreshing, but by no means cold. Everything is dark, save for the full moon overhead that is giving is light.
- Hybridized System!
- Good luck!
- @[Tamme]

---

Oliver | LargeWB/Draft | 0VP
Strength: 10
Speed: 3
Agility: 5
Endurance: 4
Offense Item: 0
Defense Item: 0
Amulet: 0
Magic: 0
Companion: 0
HP: 22 x 2 = 44

Defense: 6
Attack: 4
Damage: 7.7

Felix Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#2
Air billowed under outstretched wings, whistling in his pricked ears and sending waves of golden white hair flowing like a comets tail behind his proudly arched neck. If only the sun had been shining, to further improve the already elated mood of the stallion. The moon was nice enough, he supposed, as he grinned up at the moon. Its full shape glowed faintly down upon them, providing a little light in the otherwise pitch black darkness. It seemed larger than normal, or maybe he was just high up and imagining things? He had not flown for some time, after his escape into Helovia and the good few weeks he took to replenish his strength.

Glancing down, his mismatched eyes spotted a hulking form below. It was somewhat in the distance, and he might normally have missed the horse completely, but he stood solitary in empty fields, his huge wings tucked over a dark pelt. Something about the behemoth made the young stag curious, and he angled his wings downward. Slowly, he descended in a wide arc, landing a short distance from the stag. He felt immediately as if his presence was known, though he had hardly tried to hide. Slowly, and cautiously, the palomino approached. Something about the strange beast put him on edge, and only when he drew closer did he see the bunched up muscles rippling over his dark bay frame. The bay appeared tense, though maybe it was a trick of the light. Felix stepped closer, until he realized.

This stallion was looking for a fight.

Now, had his twin have been there, the lanky Arabian would have fled in order to protect his younger brother, but as it was, he was alone. The season had filled the air with scents of mares in season, and after running from his problems in his home land, the stallion had been hiding a strange frustration that was alien to him. A mixture of bad decision making and idiocy prompted him to stay.

His opponent towered over Felix, however the smaller framed male was agile and quick thinking. He knew that if the stranger made the first move, he would likely be hit, so it was in his best interests to attempt a surprise attack. Yes, his presence was known, but the stag did not know Felix had chosen to strike. He began to canter, taking a wide circle clockwise around the stag. "You wish to dance?" He asked teasingly, letting out a mocking whinny. As soon as the words escaped his lips, he burst into a gallop; his direction swiftly changed as he turned right at a sharp right angle, charging toward the stallion face on. Before he reached his target he leaped, wings beating hard as he tried to increase his height to fly over the mammoth. As he cleared the stallion, hopefully without injury, he landed and immediatly kicked out with his hind legs. if his bluff had worked, he would be kicking the delicate flexor tendons in the hind legs between the ankle and the hock. The injury would, at the very least if the attack struck, reduce movement in the hind legs. He kicked out twice before bursting into a gallop, trying to get away from any retaliation before resuming his wide circle.

"Speech goes here"
Credits



Felix | Arabian | 0 VP
Strength: 2
Speed: 4
Agility: 5
Endurance: 10
Offense Item: 0
Defense Item: 0
Amulet: 0
Magic: 0
Companion: 0
Total HP = 42

Defense: 9.5
Attack: 4.5
Damage: 3.5

Attack: 1/4
Word Count: 548

Oliver Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#3


Break them, or I will...




Not long did the mysterious scent stay mysterious. I heard hoof beats going around me. Where they were coming for changed a lot. First they were in front, than behind, than on my side. This horse was circling me, but I couldn't locate him yet. Than like the quickness of lightning, this demon turned to me. Finally, my eyes caught him. He was at a gallop towards me. I wasn't fast enough to move out of the way, so I bulked up and prepared for the hit. My wings still fully extended.

I raised my head as high as I possibly could. As he got closer, my muscles tightened and I braced myself. Finally, he hit me. I didn't dare look at my chest to scan for possible injuries now that a fight was underway, instead I decided to fight back. I think I did pretty well in close quarters, if may say so myself.

I reared into the air. As my legs swung at where I assumed Felix still was, the pain from the hit on my chest was unimaginable. It tingled and stung at the same time. It was becoming slightly numb, and I knew that there was going to be a fat ass bruise there, and maybe some fur-less places. I had to admit it, I was a heavy horse. His figure hitting mine wasn't enough to really shake me, but it still stung... Like fucking hell.

I no more wanted to play nice. I'd trash talk him until he cried, and I would possibly bat him until he died. "No, bitch, I didn't want to dance... Especially with such an ignorant, childish, weak, male." My voice wavered slightly as I still could feel the pain in my rather wide and muscular chest, but that did not put a damper on this... Dance. All of the sudden, I slammed my front hooves back on the ground. The thistle seemed to cry and recoil under my massive weight. The deep thunder-like sound from hooves hitting earth was loud, but not as loud as it could have been... Just wait for when I jump and the earth seems to deflate like a full balloon.

Now what? Do I just sit and wait for an attack from him, or attack again? I figured I would wait a moment and let him attack as I caught my breath for a few seconds. My chest heaved as my heart pumped blood hard.

Was I ready for the foreign Helovia fighting ways?

"Thinking. Speaking. Acting."


OOC :: This is a challenge against Felix for his freedom!
- 4 Attacks + Closing defense (1/4) (0/1)
- Attack Summary :: Directly after Felix rams him, he rears up and throws his legs around to try and hit Felix in the face. As he does so, he feels the pain from Felix's attack.
- Injuries :: Sore chest (that will turn into a bruise later).
- Hybridized System!
- Good luck!
HP: 35.5

Felix Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#4

His hind legs lashed out, making impact with flesh. Where the attack struck, Felix had no idea but he wasn't eager to find out. In an attempt to dodge any retaliation, he lunged forwards, yet he found he was too slow. As he moved, heavy forelegs came crashing down upon his haunches, lashing out on bunched up muscles. Felix felt the skin tear, blood bubbling to the surface as strong hooves tore ribbons of flesh from him. It was probably fortunate that he had been dashing forwards, for the hooves would likely have hit the tender gluteal muscles had he not moved. As it was, it was the muscles over the coccygeal bone that were struck and he felt a sharp stabbing pain in the base of his tail.

His opponent attempted trash talk, but Felix was not one to take words to heart so he simply whinnied with laughter. "Childish, I'll accept, but I am not the one who is ignorant!" He mocked, "You need to learn how to relax buddy. Your getting yourself all worked up!" His voice was all too casual for such a fight. Cocky, even.

His avoided dodge of the stallions lashing forelegs turned into an outright gallop as Oliver appeared to wait for an attack. No way was Felix staying close to the mountainous beasts side. That was a death sentence, right there. If Felix knew anything, it was that going for the legs then distancing himself was his best chance of winning. The larger male was probably much slower than the Arabian, but by further hindering his movement, the palomino would be free to dance and kick and pummel the stag without harm. That was, of course, unlikely in any fight, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try to achieve it. No, instead he resumed his wide circle hoping that the behemoth did not follow, and as he moved he outstretched his wings. Beating hard, he took flight, angling his wings to circle the area he last saw Oliver. He hoped Oliver would stay still long enough for him to attack.

The night was dark, and although Felix was a creamy golden hue, from underneath the moonlight did not catch him. It lit only his face and back, his large wings shadowed underneath. He hoped this would mean Oliver would not be able to see him well enough, so that his attack would be as sneaky as he could manage. Felix silently thanked the moon goddess and aimed to descend.

If his plan worked, he would be like a ghost, swooping down in an attempt to 'land' upon Oliver's back. His legs stretched forwards - he hoped to crash down upon he titan in order to make him fall or to batter his body with dive bomb assault. He knew if he missed, he would be vulnerable to an attack, being forced to land so close to his opponent, but it was a chance he was willing to take.


"Speech goes here"
Credits




Word Count: 496

Oliver Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#5


Break them, or I will...




I scoffed in my mind at Felix's meaningless words. The cocky pompass ass would not go free. Even if he stayed free today, some other day he'd be my very own prisoner. Perhaps if I couldn't get him, I'd get someone close to him, then just maybe I would let the one he loves, for himself. Whether I'm bad at explaining things, or this isn't planned out well, it will happen. Just know that.

After the rat and me got in close corners, I thought I could keep him close, but he was too smart and ascended into the air. He quickly disappeared among the stars, but see, that's his mistake. There were stars. I only saw a black mass of darkness fly under the stars. I could find him that way, but even then, I lost sight of him sometimes.

I could hear the faintest wings strokes, but where they were was unknown at this moment. Then, I caught the sound of wings, but this time it was to close for comfort. I bucked into the air, hoping to hit whatever was about to hit me. I didn't know if I had been able to kick the bitch, but he certainly hit me. My back right leg was bent and twisted in a way it should not have, and my hind left legs immediately became painful. My hind end was thrust to the ground as my front end scurried forward hoping to not fall on the ground. Like dynamite went off, a pain surged through my hide end as I stayed on all fours, but hobbling away a good distance from the gold horse.

After a moment, my left leg just ached slightly, but my hind right hurt badly, but I didn't let it stop me. Using every last ounce of energy stored, I turned to face the gold one. I surged forward as fast as my muscles could launch me to him. I opened my wings and flapped hard as to go faster. I doubted the gold boy could rebound from crashing into me and most likely the floor to escape my body getting launched at him.

"Heads up!" I taunted right before I would hit him (if he hadn't moved, or gotten up.)

"Thinking. Speaking. Acting."


OOC :: This is a challenge against Felix for his freedom!
- 4 Attacks + Closing defense (2/4) (0/1)
- Attack Summary :: Bucks into the air hoping to kick Felix as he hit his hind legs. Then, he moves away from Felix, before turning back to him and propelling himself at Felix, while using his wings to gain more speed. His goal is to hit Felix hard and send him tumbling.
- Injuries :: Sore chest (that will turn into a bruise later). His hind right legs is very achy and he now limps from it. His hind left leg just aches slightly.
- Hybridized System!
- Good luck!

Felix Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#6

Felix's descent was swift, his body arching down as wings tilted back against his body to increase his velocity. From his position, he could barely see his target for Oliver's pelt was dark and well camouflaged in the low lighting, yet Felix thought he could see a faint gold hue in his path. He aimed for what he hoped was Oliver and his gloriously gold wingspan, though he had little way of knowing whether this was going to a success or a 'face-planting into the earth' sort of failure. There was no time to abort - any attempt to slow his descent would likely be futile. He was close, so close.

Three... His front legs outstretched, hoping to make a connection with his target. Two... His eyes turned to slits as wind pummeled the delicate organs. One... He sucked in a deep breath, bracing himself for impact.

Yet as the last second ticked by and Oliver's form materialized into view now that his proximity was closer, Felix realized with a pang of dread that Oliver's form was shifting and moving, his body arching up and his hind legs bucking upward to meet the swooping stallion. There was no time to stop - Felix beat his wings once to no avail. The hind hooves missed his front legs as Felix's aim had been slightly off, yet they hit his rib cage just below the sternum. His weight and speed seemed to force Oliver's hind legs to the ground as Felix's momentum found himself falling from the large brutes body and crashing into the ground.

The buck threw his center off balance, forcing his head closer to the earth than he'd have liked. His front legs just barely caught the ground in time, and his ankles throbbed with the impact. His knees buckled and his head was thrown up away from any damage and he allowed himself to roll onto his front left shoulder, his wings tucking tight against his body to avoid major damage. The kick to his sternum had caused a gash, the skin ripped by the speed of his own movements. It truly had been a double edged sword. He was winded and visibly shaken by the tumble. Not only that, but as he fell to the earth, he felt the wound above his coccygeal vertebrae sting violently as dirt and grit entered the wound. He sucked in a painful breath as blood oozed to the surface of the gash, knowing that by the morning - whenever that would be in this perpetual darkness - he would be battered and bruised.

There was no time to hesitate and Felix swiftly pushed himself to his feet. He had fallen with his back to Oliver, with Oliver's head to his right, so he hoped the brute would still be there as the palomino bucked - kicking directly behind him hoping to catch the brutes ribs or abdomen. As his hind legs fell to the earth, the lithe stallion span is whole body to the right, turning on the spot and hoping Oliver's head was still close by as he aimed a set of teeth toward the location he had last seen Oliver's neck. It was unknown if either attack hit, for everything was now a blur to him.

"Speech goes here"
Credits




Word Count: 547

Felix Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#7
Damn, forgot to add that last attack, I know this is unconventional, but I'll add the last paragraph here: ahaha -fail- I am getting docked points for this.

As he turned his head to attempt to bite the stallion, he discovered with a gasp that Oliver was barreling toward him. His right side to Oliver as he managed to turn half way, he felt Oliver's form crash into his. He stumbled to the left, shaken by the abrupt ram yet he did not falter - he continued his attempt to bite Oliver's neck, ribs heaving with effort after the pummeling he had received.

Total word count (inc above): 622

Oliver Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#8


Break them, or I will...




Much like a train, Oliver was thrust into the gold ass' side, but the boy could turn a bite, and he did. I felt cold, wet, teeth ripe all seven layers of my skin and rip a chunk out as my body continued going forward. I seemed to growl at the sunny boy, and as I did I felt the gash on the side of my neck tingle with pain and slowly start to drip crimson blood. Folding my wings and letting my weight fall into my haunches, I slid to a stop.

My ears pinned as I kicked out ferociously. I'd hoped I was close enough to him to be able to kick him. I'd kicked out twice before turning onto my haunches to face where I thought he was and without a second thought, I lashed out with my front hooves at him. I hoped I had stopped close enough to the gold boy to kick him with my back and front hooves, but I wasn't sure.

Everything stung and ached. My legs ached, my chest stung AND ached, my neck stung and was also cut. This fight was bad, but it wasn't the worse I had. One fight I went through at my old home was terrible. I'd lost by so much and in the end, I was on the floor next to death. Of course that fight had been five to one, but still. I was so embarrassed, so I trained and trained, and now, I was here. I was strong, but slow, but strong. So strong that I knew how to deal damage to other horses, and take little damage. Sadly, I was slow, but my wings thankfully helped me be quicker. Flying, well that was something else. I was clumsy and awkward, as if I hadn't learnt how to fly, but in my defense, I really didn't. I had to teach myself, and basically all I learnt was flap to not fall, but even then.. I fell sometimes, but only if I was really tired.

After my attack, I took a small break and waited for the stud to deal his damage.

"Thinking. Speaking. Acting."


OOC :: This is a challenge against Felix for his freedom!
- 4 Attacks + Closing defense (3/4) (0/1)
- Attack Summary :: After hitting Felix and getting a cut, he slides to a stop and bucks out at him, hoping he is close enough to hit him and that felix didn't move. After that, he turns aroun on his haunches an rears (and tries to kick him again.)
- Injuries :: Sore chest (that will turn into a bruise later). His hind right legs is very achy and he now limps from it. His hind left leg just aches slightly. He has a cut on the left side of his neck from Felix
- Hybridized System!
- Good luck!
[/quote]

Felix Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#9

Copper taste filled his mouth, blood spilling into his kissers as teeth sank into flesh. He wasn't sure how deep the wound went, nor the damage done, as Felix had no time to observe. Shoved by the great weight of the stallion, he had staggered sideways to the left, digging his slender hooves into the flat terrain to prevent another fall. The Gods knew his shoulder was aching and the wound on his rump still burning with pain. Why was he even bothering to face this stallion? Why had he not simply turned and ran when the challenge arose? He thought of his brothers; his face scarred and his beauty tarnished. His own bodice was torn too, now. The thought was, oddly, more scary than the prospect of more pain, but he still did not falter. Felix was determined, if nothing else. He wanted to prove he was not weak. He wanted to prove he was something.

After ramming into Felix head on - the brutes massive chest hitting the slender rib cage of the Arabian - the beast kicked out twice with his hind legs. The move was pointless in its attempt to harm and served only to give the golden stag time to move. He darted away from Oliver, heading straight ahead in a lazy canter before Oliver's hind legs had landed, so avoiding the failing forelegs with time to spare. "Sorry, but you'll have to do better than that!" He taunted, turning over his shoulder to face where Oliver had last been. As he did so, the stags slender hooves found uneven footing and he stumbled, distracted by his cockiness. The tendon at the back of the left hind ankle pulled as his hoof was momentarily stuck in a small, concealed hole on the otherwise flat terrain. With a gasp, the stag almost tumbled, only catching himself at the last moment, yet the movement served to strain the leg. Grunting, he tried to collect his bearings.

That was both the advantage and disadvantage of such a flat terrain. It gave enough room for the agile creature to dart around freely without need to pay attention to trees or rocks, yet it made him over confident. It was this over-confidence that often let the stallion into trouble. It was what got him into this fight, and his hoof into that hole. Yet he knew, despite anything he told himself or the amount of times his brother might scold him, he would never deflate that unwarranted ego of his. He couldn't help himself. He had no reason to think he could ever had beaten Oliver, and yet here he was, as arrogant as ever, trying to beat a horse twice his weight and triple his experience.

You can't blame a stallion for trying!

His strained limb ached, yet he knew he could not stop. This fight was not over and by the Gods, he was determined not to lose to this stranger. He mustered his strength, chest heaving as he turned to where he thought Oliver was. It was tough to see the dark skinned stag in such endless darkness, but he thought he saw his shadow shifting over the grass lands. Setting off as a gallop, he aimed to run closely by the side of the larger stallion head on in an attempt to ram his right, uninjured shoulder into the left shoulder of his opponent. Due to the size difference, Felix raised his wings out of the way to avoid damage to the delicate limb and bucked slightly as he passed, hoping to clash shoulders with the titan. As his small buck landed, he took another two short strides before throwing back his hind legs in a move ferocious buck, attempting to shift his hind legs to the right slightly in order to kick the left hind leg of the bay. As soon as his legs returned to the soft ground, the Arabian made an attempt to charge forwards. His movement and speed was slightly hindered by the aching tendon which throbbed with each step, but he had to move in order to attempt to dodge any retaliation.

"Speech goes here"
Credits




Word Count: 691

Oliver Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#10
[quote='Oliver' pid='66391' dateline='1379450707']


Break them, or I will...




Air.

Was that really all he felt? The worst feeling for me, was air. Why? It meant a failed attack, and sadly, when I kicked the two times, all I felt was air, and it angered me greatly. As my giant hooves land on the grass with a thud, I snort in an irritated way. Damn you. My muscles contracted as I stomped my hoof. Luckily, my gaze came up to see this... pampas ass coming for me. He seemed to aim himself for my left shoulder, and as he bounded towards me, I knew he was aiming there.

My uninjured shoulder would stay uninjured. I recoiled my entire chest, head, and shoulder to the right, away from the gold boy, but sadly, my barrel, butt, and hind legs were still were they had been, putting me into an awkward situation. I'd managed to just miss hiss kick, but I could almost feel the wind dance with my fur. Then, I summon my energy and kick my large and muscled legs out to the right, trying to hit him. Where? I wasn't sure, since he was moving and everything was dark. I figured I'd hit along his flank, but I wasn't sure.

As my legs came back to the floor I trotted forward, the opposite direction of Felix. As I trotted, I felt my front left leg twist. Then, I felt pain surge up my leg. Was I such an idiot as to hurt.. myself? I tossed my head, trying to cover what was an obvious trip. After a few paces, I halted. My goal now, was to stand strong and see. Would he attack again? I wasn't sure, so I stayed prepared. I hoped the fight was over. My legs... hurt. My chest ached. Why was I falling apart? Had I lost my touch?

"Thinking. Speaking. Acting."


OOC :: This is a challenge against Felix for his freedom!
- 4 Attacks + Closing defense (4/4) (0/1)
- Attack Summary :: As Felix runs by Oliver, Oliver kicks his legs out at him, hoping to hit him. Felix's attack was dodged, but oliver derped and pulled
- Injuries :: Sore chest (that will turn into a bruise later). His hind right legs is very achy and he now limps from it. His hind left leg just aches slightly. He has a cut on the left side of his neck from Felix. Twisted front left ankle.
- Hybridized System!
- Good luck!

So sorry, this sucked SOOO bad. >.>

Felix Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#11

Felix's body hurt. Aches and pains strained at his muscles, slowing his strides as he attacked. His shoulder missed, though luckily his wing stayed out of striking distance and was undamaged from the close encounter. His feeble kick was sluggish and Oliver's hulking form shifted out of the way as fluid as a dancer as cloven silver hooves caught air and nothing more, not even a a single hair on the behemoths body. The golden boy's hind legs had only just touched earth when, out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement. As if in slow motion he watched, trying to push himself forwards - but he was done.

His chest heaved, still bleeding under the sternum and battered from Oliver's earlier charge. His strained left hind ankle did not wish to push upon the hard, dry earth, refusing to move as quickly as he might normally have done. His hind quarters throbbed as a thin stream of blood oozed down, entangling itself in his white gold tail, painting streaks of crimson into the short, stubby locks.

Oliver's kick hit with a resounding thud, smashing into his uninjured right hind. The hooves caught flesh and tendon, forcing his knee to jolt forwards as he stumbled awkwardly from the kick. It was a miracle the kick has not torn the ligaments in his leg. As it was, his large hoof battered more than it cut, slapping into his soft flesh carelessly. The Arabian jerked forwards, both hind legs collapsing under him for a moment before he caught himself on the strained left hind, limping forwards a few short steps. Oliver moved away as Felix tried to stay upright and the golden Pegasus made no attempt to move. His muscles quivered, ears pressed against his skull as his legs shook from the pain of the assault.

What had happened?

Was he finished?

He sucked in a sharp breath, holding it for a moment as his head span. He felt... scared, somehow. As if that monstrosity would come for him in his state of vulnerability to finish him of - push him down and stomp upon his fragile chest like a newborn colt ravaged by wolves. Yet Oliver did not come for him. Panting Felix managed to turn his head and glance over his shoulder, head held low. He glared toward the dark bay, though he wasn't sure if he was staring at the Goliath or a strangely dark shadow.

Why had he been so stupid Tess would scold him once he returned home in such a state, Felix was sure. The thought, though disheartening, caused him to smile almost fondly, as if picturing his brothers angry face somehow eased the pain. Yes, Tess would be angry and sad and worried and all of those things a loving brother would be..

...If Felix was to return home this night.

Because he wasn't so sure if he would.

"Speech goes here"
Credits




Word Count: 486

You arn't supposed to edit your posts and add things, sweetie >_> If I had not re-read, I would not have realized.

Oliver Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#12
I think this may have been overlooked. It's been a little more than a month, so I personally feel bad for Sei. I'm not sure if this is holding her plots up or not? I was hoping it could be judged?

Thank you admins!<33

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#13
By my verdict: OLIVER is the winner!
Oliver receives 1 VP and takes Felix as his prisoner. For clarity due to the timeline, Felix may continue to respond to threads which have already been started. Other than those, standard challenge rules apply, and Felix must post with Oliver until freed.

OLIVER
Realism [0]
  • Powerplay: Finally, he hit me. I didn't dare look at my chest to scan for possible injuries now that a fight was underway. In Felix's attack, it specifically says that he tries to fly over and above Oliver, without hitting him. By taking an injury that was not written, you are imposing this attack on your opponent.
  • I really like how you mentioned that because of the stars, Oliver could still sort of see where Felix was, when he was flying.
  • I taunted right before I would hit him (if he hadn't moved, or gotten up.) This is going to make it really hard for your opponent to respond to. Is Oliver going to try and hit him with his hooves (since he's using his wings now)? Will he run straight into him? Dodge to one side and use his shoulder?
  • Dropped attack - no mention of the fact that once Felix landed (after flying into Oliver's buck), then he too bucked towards Oliver's side.
  • In your fourth attack, you some how dodge the hit to the shoulder, but take the kick? That doesn't seem as realistic to me. Any amount Oliver could have moved to evade the shoulder-attack, would also have lended itself to evading the kick. Regardless, it seems less realistic that instead of taking that injury, Oliver randomly injured himself by trotting forwards, especially since you don't give any indication as to how this happened.

Emotion [-1]
The emotion in this challenge was really confusing. Oliver doesn't even know Felix, he just decided to challenge the first horse to come into contact with him? It seems weird then, that he was so hostile both in how you described him, as well as what he verbally said. After the first post or so, most of the emotion dropped off. In some of your posts you didn't even use half of the word-count allowed, and it really impacted this section of the fight.


Prose [-3]
- The most I knew was that I could serious damage to a horse, small or big..
- First they were in front, than behind, than on my side
- Perhaps if I couldn't get him, I'd get someone close to him, then just maybe I would let the one he loves, for himself
-etc. There were spelling and grammar mistakes in each of your posts, which made things very difficult to read.

Readability [-2]
There were times that you dropped attacks, misinterpreted your opponents attack and took injury where there shouldn't have been any, or spontaneously took injury when there wasn't a reason. I had to re-read each of your posts, because they read really rushed to me, and I had a hard time understand what it was that Oliver was doing.



Finally tally: 15HP - 6 = 9HP

*******************************************

FELIX
Realism [3]
  • This attack didn't seem realistic to me: turning on the spot and hoping Oliver's head. You've described Felix as taking two serious injuries now. He just fell from the sky, bucked, and is now immediately turning on the spot? I know he's meant to be agile, but this struck me as written far too quick. Also, the added on attack in your separate post was not read, nor counted.
  • No mention of the fact that in Oliver's 3rd post, he bucks twice and then tries to strike Felix with his front legs. Although you write him as dodging away from the first attack, there's no mention of the second. Always ensure you're responding to your opponent's attacks, so that both your opponent and the judge, knows how you intended your character to take them.
  • I really liked Felix tripping in a small hole - and how you wrote him thinking about
    it!

Emotion [1]
This was just 'eh' for me, in terms of emotion. I mean, you come upon someone brand new, and just randomly attack? From his profile, and especially since you said his brother wasn't there, him attacking seemed unlikely. But regardless, it definitely seemed to me, based on his character, that once Oliver got really intense, he would have high-tailed it away. Or at least thought WTF AM I DOING HERE. I SHOULD RUN AWAY.


Prose [2]
- I think you meant 'spun his' -- the lithe stallion span is whole body to the right

Readability [1]
  • I understand that you were trying to be specific with this one, but this was confusing : As it was, it was the muscles over the coccygeal bone that were struck and he felt a sharp stabbing pain in the base of his tail. Not only is the "Coccygeal" bone not listed on any of the anatomy guides that Helovia offers, it doesn't come up as the first hit on google. As a general rule, if it isn't 'common knowledge' and/or doesn't appear in Helovia's guides, don't use it.
  • The rules specifically state: Please include post count in your fighting posts, so that judges can easily keep track - you failed to include this in more than one post.
  • head on in an attempt to ram his right, uninjured shoulder into the left shoulder of his opponent -- If you're running head on, you wouldn't be able to hit his left shoulder with your right.

    Finally tally: 0 + 7= 7HP


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