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09-14-2014, 10:59 PM
By my verdict: TORLEIK is the winner!
LIIT
Realism [+3.5]
You have a great grasp on the attacks, defenses, injuries, and timing. I would have liked to see more mention of the surroundings, although I know they were basic ones, and an inclusion of which side she is in relation to her opponent and what side she’s attacking on - this was left very open in the first post. Otherwise great use of breed references, especially in the first post.
Emotion [+2]
I loved reading her hesitation and worry all throughout.
Prose [+4]
Each post had great flow and style.
Readability [0]
Everything was readable, especially in the first post, but in the second post there were some errors that came up which brought your overall score down
“Liit knew little of how quickly battles can transpire, and soon found the stallion dipping his head...“ - tense change
“Before she has time to smile in appreciation of his observation of his quickness…” - her quickness, not his
“While the stallions pointed...” - stallion’s, with an apostrophe
Finally tally: 42+(9.5*2)= 61 HP
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TORLEIK
Realism [+4]
All your attacks, defenses, injuries, and timing was great! I would have liked to see more mention of the scenery, although I know it was a pretty basic one, that means it should have applied good footing which could have been worked in to make it more realistic. I liked the inclusion of breed differences throughout and how there was motive for each attack Torleik carried out.
Emotion [+2]
I enjoyed seeing the fatherly, teacher side of Torleik and how he struggled to control himself when her moves would at times surprise his warrior side.
Prose [+4]
Well written all throughout with nice flow and style.
Readability [+3]
Everything was readable and held good grammar and typing.
Finally tally: 47.5+(13*2)= 73.5 HP
