I had been doing so very little for the place I called home. Sure, I had met once with my superior, but I wasn’t seeking, or spying about like I should. So, I set out to the Threshold, the place where I had been found to lure another home with me. At the very least I could bring home those who will do something for my home. It is best for me to remain busy, otherwise on dwell on the past, otherwise I dwell on him. I’ve tried, Father knows I’ve tried to squelch the feelings for Samael. All it brings on is an endless heartache and yearning for something that will never come. It has been literal centuries since I’ve seen his face, and since I’ve fallen his face is slowly fading from my memory, and that what makes letting him go so difficult. My former lover is most likely traipsing about with the rest of the Fallen. Part of me wonders if my heart has found another to call his own. I hope that is the case. I hope he has found someone to give him the love that he so deserves.

As I approach the familiar sights of the Threshold, anxiety washes over me. I can remember the pain of my burning wings, and the piles of ash beneath my feet. The wings that I lost ache even though I know they aren’t there. It will only be a matter of time before I regain them. There is still a quest for the sun god I must accomplish. To flame I lost them, and from flame I would regain them.

In silence I walk to the spot in which I lost it all. I look about and close my eyes for a brief moment, losing myself in memories. A strange scent wafts into my nostrils, and I know then and there to latch onto a potential recruit. At a slow trot I maneuver through the underbrush and I whinny to alert the stranger of my presence. As I begin to see the stranger, I stop and do a double take.

“My Heart,” I say, louder than I intended. My typical stone mask is shattered and a look of shock is written all over my face. Elation, horror, and surprise all wash over me in one massive tidal wave of emotion. Elation for I have found the thing I now had come to desire most. Horror for he will see me as the broken doll I’ve become, no longer the proud executioner with an iron fist, but a fragile man with a shattered heart. Surprise for I never believed I would see his face again.

Slowly I step towards him, scanning him shamelessly, wanting nothing more than to press my body to his. I want to inhale his scent and share his warmth. Yet I tread carefully. For all I know time has hardened his heart, and all he feels for me is utter hatred. He has every right to hate me. I turned my back on him, I turned my back on him for a god that would toss me out in the end.

“Samael,” I breathe finally. My voice drifts off and I find myself unable to articulate. What should I say to him? There is a good chance this stallion isn’t even him. I lower my head and close my eyes, no longer able to look at the one I loved. I have no right to look upon the one I betrayed so easily. My eyes open and they look up at him. “You were right, about Him, about everything… I should’ve followed you. He tossed me from the heavens, abandoned and maimed me.” Every word falls from my mouth rapid and swift, with each syllable more and more emotion begins to build up until I find myself struggling to fight back tears and mad sobs. “I still love you… I never stopped.” My eyes seek to meet his. “I don’t deserve your love and forgiveness, but I want you to always remember, I will always love you. My place wasn’t with the Father, I know that now, my place was with you.”

Finally I close my mouth and prepare myself for a tirade, or an attack, or at best to be spat on and turned away.

@[Samael]
[Sorry for the insane length, and if you don't want to be tagged let me know.]
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