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07-06-2014, 04:40 PM
i won't be saved
sameira informs me through our mental bond, piping up excitedly. i see an image of the mare, my body tensing before i hear the thundering steps of sameira, followed by those graceful steps belonging to the mare who took me in when i was but a child. my eyes flutter open and i see her, a smile creeping across my face. this was the mare who became a mother to me, the mare who took me under her wing, who showed me the wonders of the world. i look up to her, even though i have not seen her for months, she is still a role model to me. as she walks closer, i force back the tears that are gathering.
"seele..." i murmur, feeling her pale muzzle touch my shoulder as she mentions me surviving the darkness. i look at her and frown. "i— not really.." the scar on my face begins to tingle slightly and tears fall down my cheeks. "i remember everything— it was like i wasn't myself— like i was someone else, watching someone who looks like me attack innocents. innocents.." i choke on my words, looking down. i had attacked innocent souls, souls who didn't deserve to be injured. i look up at seele, lip quivering. "i was afraid maybe that whoever was in control was going to attack you— or the asylum." my voice fades out over time, my voice already soft. sameira has sat down next to me, ears held back and her head hanging. she knows what i had done, all of that rage that was inside of me at that time was also shared with her. she had told me of it after she reunited with me. hearing her babble about it— it was awful. the way she told me of these emotions were weaker than what i had been feeling, but still quite extreme for a being of her size (actually she isn't all that much smaller than me).
i look at seele, feeling as though i had failed her. i had become a monster, i had hurt innocents, i killed, i maimed, i terrified. my best friend wanted to die because of me, she said i was the reason, i was the cause of her suffering. i don't make eye contact with seele, i simply look at her as a whole, at her dark body, her red markings, her glass hooves and horn, but not her eyes. i was simply shedding tears, not full on sobbing, but if i were to look into those yellow eyes of hers, i surely would begin to.
seele <3 • notes
