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01-09-2015, 01:30 PM
GAUCHO
And I'd bring you further roses but it does you no good
And I'd bring you further roses but it does you no good
Gaucho felt his large hooves collide with some part of Buce. During his fiery spin his mental connection with Mara had become disconnected - the warrior wasn't able to mentally multitask at the best of times, much less in the middle of an attack. While he wasn't confident that his hooves had struck any one particular area, that they hit at all was a success.
Sightless, the dun couldn't see the retaliated efforts of his opponent and Chancellor, although he assumed that there were some as he felt a hoof slam painlessly against his own. Grinning, the dun pumped his wings a few times sending his body backwards. Mara hissed gently, pushing her vision into his thoughts revealing that the Morningstar had dropped from their current altitude. Lowering his head so that Mara could see, she projected an image of Buce landing once again in the sandy arena.
"Done already?" Gaucho called as his large body gently glided towards where he saw Buce's shadow linger upon the sands. The tone of his voice was mysterious. Disappointed? Judgmental? Amused? The Chancellor had failed him twice now. Or had he?
Gaucho could sense emotion in the Morningstar's voice, but he ignored it, chalking it up to the injuries that Buce recently sustained. The Sultan's antlered crown swayed as a grin parted his dark lips.
Even handicapped I can't seem to take you on.
No. That was the point. Was Buce truly surprised? Did he think it was Gaucho's silver tongue that landed him as the Sultan of the Throat? He hadn't earned all of his scars by being foolish - and the number he had given far outweighed the number that marred his skin. If nothing else, Gaucho was a warrior. It was a trait he would never lose, one that he would never let diminish, even without his sight.
"That the point." Gaucho replied, blind gaze rising to the sky, snorting softly. "Get cleaned up. We go to Falls soon." He advised, continuing their previous conversation as if nothing had happened.
Gaucho's dark tail swayed in what little breeze there was. The muscles in his chest had relaxed considerably, and no longer pounded against his thoughts. He stretched his neck upwards, pulling at the muscles to try and further loosen them, before grunting with content.
His Chancellor had only hit him once. But then, Bucephalus had never professed to wanting to be a warrior again. He had started as a crafter ... perhaps that was a position he would one day return to.
Setting is in the arena on the Island. It's just after midday, so plenty of light.
WC: 419
Attack: 3/3
Defense: 1/1
Summary: As Buce's attack misses Gaucho takes no damage. He returns to the ground.
Teaching Notes:
Ahhh a critical miss. Those suck. The hard part isn't the damage - that's already fairly minor, but you really need to write it out. You might lose points on realism here - I mean, so he missed Gaucho, okay. So ? What caused his shoulder to pop? Did he twist? Did he try and correct and go after Gaucho again? It doesn't seem like there's any good explanation for what just happened - and even if that was the case (like, random shoulder injury) Buce doesn't seemed surprised. He's just like "oh sure. it hurts. boo"
Your attacks have gotten way clearer, which I'm super happy about. I don't have to flail to understand what's going on anymore. A+ !
I SUPER like that you tie this into his quest for magic. That's really great writing, because I can see their next spar being super interesting if they both have magic.
Y U NO CAPITALIZE YOUR 'i''S ?!?!?! CHECK YO SPELLING.
I think the things you need to work on in spars are realism, timing, and emotion. A lot of the realism mistakes you're making I think just come from being new to sparring. Reading old spars (anything Boom (Kri) wrote, anything Neo/Tamme/Blu wrote will be amazing for strategy and realistic attacks/defenses) will be super helpful. In terms of timing, that's just another practice thing, although I think you did better here than last time. As for emotion, I really think it comes down to word count. I keep mentioning it, but I don't see your posts getting longer so maybe you're just discounting this advice. I don't know. But I can almost guarantee that it isn't your stats that are going to hold you back, it's the writing. I think there's a lot going on in your head that isn't translating into your spar posts. Like the judges have no idea who Altan is, and they aren't going to go searching. Anything you want them to know, you need to write about it here and now.
My suggestion is to read the spar and then think about it a bit. I usually read one, make sure I understand the attacks, and then think of all the ways I could respond and think of the pro's and con's of each/attack defense. THEN I sit down to write once I have a clear idea of what's happening. Or sometimes I'll write the beginning of the post (my response to the attack) and then think about it for a bit if I'm not motivated to finish all at once.
Table style by Tamme! Image Credits
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.
