AMPERE
Realism [+3.5]
:: Cera bucked at Ampere, but I didn’t see any mention of it in your 2/3 post.
:: I would have liked more mention of the sand and how it was affecting Ampere’s movements (or why it wasn’t), although I liked that you worked it into your final post as part of your attack.
:: You did a good job of remembering the height difference between Ampere and Cera and working that into your posts!


Emotion [+2]
:: Great job setting up the emotion in your first post. I know exactly why Ampere is fighting, and I could really connect with her emotion.
:: I loved how focused Ampere was on Cera throughout the whole fight. It was really nice to see the caring side of her being put to good use, instead of being put to chaos and destruction.


Prose [+3]
:: Even know as they threw punches at each other, Now
:: She head to reach to make it up there, Had
:: Cera's renewal was almost complete, his revival like the delicate birth of a flame. It requires a spark, food, and gentle winds. Required, I presume. Tense switching!


Readability [+2.5]
:: I had to go back to try and find the dropped attack. Otherwise no comments or concerns.

Finally tally: 52+(11*2)= 74HP


CERA
Realism [+0.5]
:: The way I read it, Ampere’s two attacks in her post 1/3 were supposed to be really close together. You gave them quite a bit more space than I thought was really warranted.
:: the movement that he barely caught due to his closed left eye startled him away. I can see why you wanted to avoid some damage at this point, but I wish you would have had Cera open his eye. His left eye is closed and Ampere is on his left. I’m not sure he would have seen it well enough to avoid it from his right eye.
:: Also I’m a little confused. Cera says he is worried about Ampere hitting his left hock, but then says his shoulder feels the air rushing from around her kick. Why was he worried about his hock if the kick was near his shoulder?
:: Simultaneously the eagle landed, straight on the expanse of his haunches, where it sizzled and died in a painful burn. Don’t kill the eagle for Ampere.
:: In theory I think you took enough damage from Ampere’s attacks in your post 2/3, but I would have liked to see it described more.
:: The breed differences you gave me sometimes felt cursory, and I didn’t really get much mention of the terrain.


Emotion [+2.5]
:: I absolutely love how bitter Cera is, and how effectively you communicate that.
:: Great consistency with Cera’s emotion. It’s really beautiful how thorough you are at describing the depth of his pain.


Prose [+3.5]
:: Where she ever to speak her thoughts to him, he would raze the delusional world she lived in with fire and fury. Were
:: “Where where you when I needed you?! Where were


Readability [+2.5]
:: Because of the way you changed Ampere’s attack spacing, I had to go back and reread. Otherwise, no comments or concerns.

Finally tally: 35.5+(9*2)= 53.5HP