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Ooc: sorry that this is mostly Aurelia talking o-o @[Destry]
The dark lady that I had once called mine joins me on the ground. She calls to me, her voice quiet, soft, passionate. I breath in deeply, my lids fluttering. Her name leaves my lips with the exhale, but her name on my tongue isn't just those emotions, it's more than that, more complex, more confusing. "Des," I say, my voice filled with a tremendous variation of emotions. My mind isn't here, it's gone, distant, closed-off. There is a shield going up, a shield I'd never used with her, but it's here now, sealing my emotions away. It felt both strange and natural for this shield to be up. Destry had been my mate, surely if we aren't together anymore I could be myself and not worry about what she thought, because why would I? Alternatively, I was glad I'd finally decided to put up an indifferent facade and fight through this like a soldier with armor. Now she can't hurt me more. More than she already has.
I want to forgive her, but I'm not sure she's really thinking. She's thinking about other things, I don't know what, but I can't help but feel like she's not here, in this moment, at all. Maybe she is. I don't know really. Actually, I don't even know her.
Suddenly, she's talking about dying and afterlife. "We could get immortality." I state plainly. Why would she get immortality? There is no way she'd want to spend forever with me. There is a solution for every problem she is creating, but she continues to list the problems. She hasn't solved on problem with a solution, just spewing more problems. Our relationship had been fine, perfect, fairytale-like, but now? We didn't even have a relationship now.
"Trust me when I say, I did truly want to do that. I wanted my sides to swell with the life we created. I don't, however, want a child when we bicker and fight like old people fighting over their granny smith appes. I wanted a child because I wanted to teach him or her, watch it grow, succeed, do whatever it wants. I wanted to love it unconditionally with endless amounts of adoration and tenderness. I want to teach it to fly and watch it eat its first bite of grass and first drink of water. To raise a child is the ultimate challenge, and the reward is the ability to be proud in the child, no matter what. Is it really a challenge that we can handle? Are we sure of this? I'm a horrible mom, I couldn't do it once, I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if I can do any of this again. I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen. What if I die giving birth? What if it dies? Honestly, I'm a shit mom." Another worry popped quickly into my head and it became all I thought about. "What if our child hates that I'm into mares? Not everyone is about that lifestyle..."
"Also, I really hate the Dragon's Throat. Whenever I am there, I am plagued by the bad memories from my childhood. From everything that happened there. I do not wish to go back, Destry." I said softly, worry seeping into my words. "And Destry? This isn't your fault... I'm just really, really, scared of starting another family and fucking it up again."
The dark lady that I had once called mine joins me on the ground. She calls to me, her voice quiet, soft, passionate. I breath in deeply, my lids fluttering. Her name leaves my lips with the exhale, but her name on my tongue isn't just those emotions, it's more than that, more complex, more confusing. "Des," I say, my voice filled with a tremendous variation of emotions. My mind isn't here, it's gone, distant, closed-off. There is a shield going up, a shield I'd never used with her, but it's here now, sealing my emotions away. It felt both strange and natural for this shield to be up. Destry had been my mate, surely if we aren't together anymore I could be myself and not worry about what she thought, because why would I? Alternatively, I was glad I'd finally decided to put up an indifferent facade and fight through this like a soldier with armor. Now she can't hurt me more. More than she already has.
I want to forgive her, but I'm not sure she's really thinking. She's thinking about other things, I don't know what, but I can't help but feel like she's not here, in this moment, at all. Maybe she is. I don't know really. Actually, I don't even know her.
Suddenly, she's talking about dying and afterlife. "We could get immortality." I state plainly. Why would she get immortality? There is no way she'd want to spend forever with me. There is a solution for every problem she is creating, but she continues to list the problems. She hasn't solved on problem with a solution, just spewing more problems. Our relationship had been fine, perfect, fairytale-like, but now? We didn't even have a relationship now.
"Trust me when I say, I did truly want to do that. I wanted my sides to swell with the life we created. I don't, however, want a child when we bicker and fight like old people fighting over their granny smith appes. I wanted a child because I wanted to teach him or her, watch it grow, succeed, do whatever it wants. I wanted to love it unconditionally with endless amounts of adoration and tenderness. I want to teach it to fly and watch it eat its first bite of grass and first drink of water. To raise a child is the ultimate challenge, and the reward is the ability to be proud in the child, no matter what. Is it really a challenge that we can handle? Are we sure of this? I'm a horrible mom, I couldn't do it once, I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if I can do any of this again. I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen. What if I die giving birth? What if it dies? Honestly, I'm a shit mom." Another worry popped quickly into my head and it became all I thought about. "What if our child hates that I'm into mares? Not everyone is about that lifestyle..."
"Also, I really hate the Dragon's Throat. Whenever I am there, I am plagued by the bad memories from my childhood. From everything that happened there. I do not wish to go back, Destry." I said softly, worry seeping into my words. "And Destry? This isn't your fault... I'm just really, really, scared of starting another family and fucking it up again."
Success isn't the result of spontaneous combustion.
