My eyes catch sight of a familiar form. I'd love to say, I've missed you! It's been so long! How've you been? but I can't. I can't because she hates me, because I know she'd choose Kahlua's side over and over again without even hearing the full story. The dual-colored mare's voice filters into my ears, and though she may seem cordial, I am almost certain there is hate and betrayal hidden beneath those layers of cordiality. Elsa stays silent for now, watching my interaction with Alysanne, most likely wondering what the fuck is happening when Alysanne moves the conversation to focus on the past, something I haven't talked about since... well, a while. Deep within, I am angry. Kahlua has probably forgotten all about the challenge, about everything, but I haven't-- can't. No one here understands the unbearable emptiness in my mind, my soul. When a companion dies, the horse dies too. When a horse dies, it's companion dies with it. But not me. No matter how much I wanted to die once I felt the bond break as Shilva herself died. They must think Kahlua had it hard, Oh no! Our queen has been challenged, but she won and kept her position! Oh ya, but the emotion pain of the challenge... so sad. Sadness is believing you are ambitious enough to lead, strong enough to keep the position, smart enough to make correct decisions, being so close to your goal that you can taste it, but being proved horribly incorrect by a frilly mare that not only crushes you, but kills your companion, and tops it off by also turning her herd against you. Still, the saddest part yet may be that none of the Edge horses had come on their own to ask me my side, to learn that my companion had been killed, to see the insanity that followed the challenge that only lasted minutes. Brow furrows as I delve deeper into my thoughts, secretly hoping to get lost in the labyrinth of my memories and find one that is actually pleasant.

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like an angel?" Destry had asked.

"No, I've never been told that. I'd say you look more like an angel than me. You seem graceful and beautiful. I do not really consider myself either of those things," I replied.

"You must be mistaken, because I believe you're the angel in this story—"

"Instead of just one of us being angels, we can both be angels," I had concluded, feeling content and warm in Destry's company.

"I like that idea." And with that, our conversation ended.

The memory brings a warmth to my gut and tears to my eyes. I had only ever felt complete with Destry, whole and complete. I didn't yearn for Shilva as much as when I was with Destry. The anger that had begun to bubble within me vanished like the snow vanishes when spring comes. "I love it here, am drawn to it. My happiest days were here, and sadly my arrogance and greed ruined it all, destroyed my chance of residing in the one place that truly brings me joy. I want a second chance, to prove what? I don't know, maybe nothing. It just seems right to be here among the trees and next to a cliff that truly makes you feel like you've stumbled upon the edge of the world. I want to be able to visit my companion's grave, which is placed within your borders. I want to show my mate this slice of paradise and raise my children under the canopy of green created by thick woodland." My gaze flickers between the two mares, only leaving them to glance upwards at the trees as they are mentioned. "The reasons I want to join the World's Edge hold no weight here." I wasn't sure they'd understand what I was saying, but there was no better way to explain it. Just because I wanted to join for good reasons, didn't mean they'd accept me just like that. I know that they will have little trust in me. "You cannot know if I do or do not desire to induce havoc or if my previous actions will be repeated upon entrance. However, if you were in my mind know, you'd know that I seek neither of those things." Alysanne says nothing further, but Elsa does. She asks of the previous trouble I have caused, advising me not to lie. She also questioning my reasoning for not choosing the Throat when it is safer than the Edge, and I wonder if she questions why I am trying moving my mate from the far south to here.

"I used to live in the Throat as a yearling, taken in by a single-winged pegasus, Africa. As I turned the ripe age of two, I left. I had wanted to branch out, explore further, see all of Helovia. One day, I had crossed Alysanne and she had shown me nothing but kindness, told me of the land she lived in. Long story short, I stumbled upon the Edge, finding it just as glorious as Alysanne described and quickly joined. In a short amount of time, I amassed the position of Seer. Eventually, I challenged Kahlua for her position of lead, believing that I could do the herd well, but she won and my companion died. I was foolish and greedy and in the year or two since, I believe I've matured, and I do not even seek the throne. I am happy with just my family and do not a title like Queen to feel successful." Pausing, I let what I've said soak in while I contemplate Elsa's next questions about Gaucho and the Throat. I wasn't sure how to answer them. I remember right before I turned two, that I had the biggest crush on him ever. I sparred with him, flew places with, and followed him loyally. What changed? I wasn't sure when my crush ended, and I'm not sure when my dislike began. I know for sure, though, that between Gaucho and I, I changed a lot, but he changed twice as much. I remember Gaucho entering the Threshold, confused and angry. He had forgotten me, forgotten his herd, his life. I was dumb enough to think I could help him remember, help him relearn. He attacked me, not holding back. His wraith was on me. I remember thinking, so this is what he's really like when stripped of his status as Sultan, jumping to violence as the slightest confusion. I didn't want a rash and violent lead. "Gaucho is strong, and brave, but those traits alone do not make him a suitable leader. Similarly, safety is a priority but it not the only one." My mouth shuts once again as another horse join us, this time a horned stallion. My eyes flicker to him as he speaks, and I silently wonder if I'll have to repeat all I've just said for the newcomer, or if perhaps he has heard some of my words.

I decide telling him exactly what he has walked into is better than Alysanne or Elsa telling him. "I seek to join this herd, though the situation isn't simple. I challenged the Queen a year or two ago and was exiled. I wish to bring my mate here, and raise my family here, but as I expected, those from the time when I sought the crown have questioned my reasoning for returning and question if I will challenge the current leads." I tell it to him straight, no lies no bullshit. Lingerng in the back of my mind is the question, is it really wrong to challenge for a position and don't challenges for positions take place all the time? However, I don't dare voice the question. I feel as though it would not help me get back into this herd and it would just fuel their fire to believe that I think it's no big deal, even if I do think it's a big deal, but in a different way they do.

ooc; the memory is from here http://helovia.net/showthread.php?tid=14058 also sorry the end seems rushed. I had most of this typed up and then I saw red posted so i had to edit/add a little :3 also sorry for this huge-ass post muse struck me :p
talk talk talk talk