the Rift


[JUDGED] I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia]

Isopia the Mountain That Knows Posts: 780
Dragon's Throat Apostle atk: 6.5 | def: 10 | dam: 8.0
Mare :: Tribrid :: 18hh :: 3 - is now aging slowly HP: 90 | Buff: NUMB
Hubris :: Royal Bronze Dragon :: Shock Breath & Frost Breath & Babel :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath Odd
#4
Isopia
barefoot on a summer's night



Although her bird-beak could not frown in a way that others could identify, Isopia was indeed frowning. Unlike Ashamin, she could not hear the dance of the stones as they moved to her silent magical melody, but she assumed that he had, as he fled the inside of the grotesquely built structure. However as he flailed about, tears pouring down his bi-coloured cheeks, she wondered if he hadn't instead been bit by something. Whatever caused his distress, it was disappointing. She wanted him to see her in the moonlight, to question why rain had suddenly fallen upon him and why the stones at his hooves were so warm. Instead, he acted like everyone else: he let instinct overrule his mind.

Perhaps it was her own raven-like instincts that pervade her thoughts in this form, but her golden gaze was immediately drawn to the shiny trinket as it spilled off of Ashamin's body. Although the landing was soft, the item seemed to shatter and break apart as if by some unseen force.

Only the force didn't remain unseen for long.

Water rushed towards the moonlit raven. With Ashamin's back towards her, the girl completed a quick mental calculation, concluding that this magic must have come from the dropped trinket. A not-quite-shaped mass of water billowed her direction - and there was no mistaking that it was precisely the magic that she had just cast moments ago.

In order to try and avoid the water which would inevitably pelt her, as she had tried to pelt Ashamin, the girl took flight. Due partially to her lack of battle-prowess and strategic forethought, and due to Ashamin's prosperous happenstance, the girl would fail to avoid either oncoming attack, due to her desire to somehow avoid both.

Rising into the air - assuming that she could evade the water by simply flying above it - Isopia noticed that the unknown-Haruspex was now moving backwards towards her. Faltering with this new information, Isopia couldn't calculate quickly enough how to move backwards in a way which would avoid Ashamin and her traitorous magic. As valuable seconds were eaten up by her indecision, the likelihood of complete failure grew closer to certain. Without more time to accurately decide what to do, the girl allowed herself to unceremoniously flop back into her normal form.

In her spar with Abraham the girl had stayed small, reasoning that a smaller body would yield a smaller amount of pain. So as his dragons assaulted her, Iso stayed in a form 1/10th her normal size. Now however, she reasoned that the pelting water would cover 100% of her raven body, or only a partial amount of her actual body. So at the time she thought the decision to transform was a well thought out one.

What she failed to realize was that larger body = larger surface area for misguided kicks to hit.

As her large body sprouted like some bizarre time-lapsed monster from her raven form, Isopia simultaneously felt cold water pelting her back and wings, and pain exploding through her front left knee. For a moment, through the fog of pain, the girl wondered if something had gone wrong with the transformation. Had her knee remained with bird bones? Was that why there was such a sudden uproar of pain? Clamping her lips together to forbid the cry of pain that her body wanted to force out, Isopia stumbled backwards on three legs.

Her mismatched wings splayed from her flanks in an effort to maintain balance, as her golden gaze lowered to the blood that was dripping vigorously down her knee. She had wanted Ashamin to be rendered stupefied by the odd macabre raven sitting in the moonlight, and yet here she was mystified by blood - something so mundane in comparison. Her mind wrestled with the visual phenomenon - the gaping wound across the thin skin of her knee revealing the smallest hint of bone, the crimson liquid edging down her moonlit limb - with the disorienting and spinning pain that flooded her mind. Although it was only her knee which his hoof had struck, her entire leg felt paralyzed as she continued to keep it elevated. Even moving her head so that the water falling on her from the depleting water-cloud would stop falling into her eyes, sent hurricanes of pain and nausea through her system.

And all from one little misguided kick, because Isopia wanted to be seen as a raven. Hubris was a bitch.

Immobilized, Isopia's magic formed a gaping mouth of earth around where the amulet had fallen. It might have been pride that resulted in her bloody knee, but she was still none too happy about her magic being used against her. She wanted to see it disappear - even if it meant uprooting the rest of the earth around it.




Attack: 2/3
WC: 799/800

Iso shifts into her regular form - and gets hit by her own rain and Ashamin's kick. His kick hits her knee, cutting down to the bone. She steps back with her limb raised, and uses her magic to up-earth the area around the amulet as if to swallow it.


Teaching Commentary

Of course your writing was mostly flawless - no grammatical or spelling mistakes :) The only thing I would cation you against, is using phrases like the sturm und drang. Just like we would penalize a veterinarian for using language which is far too technical, so too you might be penalized. I would say the majority of readers would have to google this phrase - and if that's the case, your sparring score is usually better off if you use something a little more common/plain/in english :P But this is just a minor point.

The thick clouds of white evaporation clogged his senses and his coal eyes stung. - I thought this damage was inappropriate. Have you ever been in a sauna where they use actual hot rocks? It definitely doesn't sting your eyes - unless there is some other agent added (sunscreen falling into your eyes, a scent put into the water to make it smell better, etc). But this was just steam, not importantly different from what fogs your mirrors when you take a shower. So to have Ashamin #1 Take damage from it seems really unfitting and #2 To take damage so far away seems equally unfitting. I said her stones and water were only inside the Rotunda. He runs away and turns to look - but given that the setting doesn't describe a strong wind, I'm not sure how the steam billowed towards him, especially with enough density to cause the sort of teary-eyes that you described.

Careful, this: and as a result he was unaware of the bird directly in his accidental path. is really close to PP. I'm stricter than some of the other judges are when it comes to wording, but it's always better to be safe than sorry. I could easily have Isopia move, in which case she wouldn't be in his path - but the way you worded this says that she is - and this is something you cannot do.

Also, for what it's worth, since Isopia used two magical powers, it isn't up to you to decide which one the spark amulet captures/recasts - especially since you write it happening fairly accidentally. Just as an FYI.


Image Credits

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here


Messages In This Thread
I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 10-20-2015, 05:12 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 10-27-2015, 08:30 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 10-27-2015, 11:30 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-01-2015, 02:55 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 11-06-2015, 11:06 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-08-2015, 01:03 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 11-14-2015, 01:06 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-14-2015, 07:07 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Official - 12-01-2015, 11:33 PM

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