the Rift


[JUDGED] I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia]

Isopia the Mountain That Knows Posts: 780
Dragon's Throat Apostle atk: 6.5 | def: 10 | dam: 8.0
Mare :: Tribrid :: 18hh :: 3 - is now aging slowly HP: 90 | Buff: NUMB
Hubris :: Royal Bronze Dragon :: Shock Breath & Frost Breath & Babel :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath Odd
#6
Isopia
barefoot on a summer's night




Others might have appreciated the irony of the daughter of a God being called faithless, but Isopia did not. Nor did she even notice it. Instead, her vast mind was trying to determine whether his comment even made sense. Why did it take someone faithless, to strike out at an opponent who was looking for a spar? Unless the girl had mistaken his call? But no, she didn't think that she had. He had asked for this. So why was she faithless for having attacked? Or, was it that only the faithless could attack him? As she stood, large golden eyes blinking with a dull interest into his ever-growing-more-hostile features, her hooves and limbs continued to disappear into the moonlight terra. Only her raised and battered forelimb was currently safe from her magic. Though if she remained still for much longer, it would be eaten up by grasses and mosses soon enough.  

"I didn't touch you." She replied coldly, though not untruthfully. Only the nauseating pain which was still reverberating through her body caused her voice to warble with some semblance of emotion.

For however clever Isopia was, she had no idea what the crazed Haruspex was referring to. She didn't remember seeing him at any of the battles, even though he recalled seeing her. And without knowing which herd he hailed from, the God he spoke of could easily have been a Riftian one. Regardless, Isopia's sloping shoulders shrugged. She had fought Gods, yes. But never with cowardice. Isopia simply didn't have the software for that emotion.

Her death marked faced frowned ever so slightly with the lunatic sounds emerging from his throat. "You know nothing of my motives and intentions, yet label me a coward. You ask for a fight, run away from a little water, and blindly assault me. Neither your words or your actions make any sense."

Isopia's ears had pinned backwards against her skull during the entire duration of his rotation around her body. She was unsure if this was meant to be hostile, intimidating, or just the movements of a clearly intellectually-hindered mad-man. But her foreleg still demanded a reprieve, so the demi-goddess bore his circling patiently. However she had been in enough spars to know that it was his turn. Which meant he was going to attack, and not just with his ignorant words. 

Isopia's body was tense as Ashamin lunged her way. As he moved, her body tried to counteract his trajectory. She couldn't move left, as that would require putting weight on her injured leg - nor could she move right, as that would expose her injured leg to the brunt of his attack. So instead she moved up. The girl was already a good deal taller than the Haruspex, but as she leaned back on her grass-encrusted haunches, she really did become a giant.

Iso's wings splayed from her sides to aid with balance. As Ashamin's teeth found the blood-marked muscles of her neck and his body pushed hers backwards, she struggled to remained poised on two limbs, while simultaneously trying to keep her front left leg out of the way. The blunt edges of his teeth caused a sharp throb of pain to flow outwards from his bite, fading away into a dull throb. The demi-goddess rotated slightly to the left, trying to hit his deflated-horned skull away from her with her right front leg before returning to all fours. 

It was then that his magic seized her. Her heart pumped faster than it had previously. Isopia, even in the midst of battle, felt no real response to it. And because she was in relatively good shape, and because she buried her primitive instincts as best as she could, her own heart beat remained fairly level. 

But now it was pumping hard.

Adrenaline surged through her system in response to this cardiovascular event, and Isopia felt a breathless anxiety well up inside of herself. She felt like she needed to run, or lash out or do anything to expel the sudden frenetic energy that was inside of her. 

Or she could just eliminate the source of it. 

Still favoring her wounded limb, Isopia once again lashed out with her magic. Although this tactic had failed with Abraham and his dragons, she saw no statistical reason why it would not work now; Abraham knew his way around a battle. This one didn't even seem to realize that he had asked for one. Four knee-high pillars of stone formed and rose jaggedly from the earth. She intended them to rise below the Haruspex's hooves and lift him off of the ground, hopefully unbalancing him and causing him to fall against at least one of the jagged rocks. 

Wings still splayed, she retreated a step hoping to watch Ashamin tumble to the earth. 





Attack: 3/3
WC: 800/800

Rears up to try and avoid him hitting her wounded leg. He shoves her backwards and bites her neck. She tries to hit him away with her good leg before landing - being hit with his magic - and creating four pillars hopefully underneath his hooves to try and make him fall. 


Teaching Commentary

Beautifully written as always!

The only real comment that I have is about your attack. You write, As the buck finished his circle and lunged (all the while teeth snapping with aimless fury for what he hoped was her face, her neck, her anything) he could not deny that fact. Where is the 'finished' end of his circle? He originally began circling just to try and face her head on (As he circled right to try and face her head on...), and so I'm really unclear where the ending was - is it just slightly off centre? Intuitively I feel like it would be straight on? You had more words remaining, and because this is a spar, the judges are always going to be focusing on the actual attacks more than anything else. Emotion only gets you 3, but realism is 5; keep that in mind if you ever try to make your paragraphs proportionate (not saying you need to, but just as a guide). He lunged at her - did he want to hit her? I think he did, since you say that it's foolish of him to throw himself at someone so much larger. So if he IS trying to make contact, where?

A much lesser important comment, is that I would generally shy away from having your character fully circle another. Mostly because the time it takes to complete a circuit leaves a weird lapse of time. All I have to do is write Isopia walking forward while he's behind her, flying into the air, or any number of things, and suddenly his attack makes no sense - because there's no one there. Always be careful about 'writing too far ahead' because you've now written yourself into stone - Ashamin HAS to make an Isopia-sized circle and then lunge at it - but I don't need to remain there. 

Re-reading it again, maybe you don't even mean circle. Maybe you just mean 'trying to stand in front of her', but I find 'circle' a weird term for that, if that's the case. Either way, I was super confused. 

Image Credits

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here


Messages In This Thread
I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 10-20-2015, 05:12 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 10-27-2015, 08:30 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 10-27-2015, 11:30 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-01-2015, 02:55 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 11-06-2015, 11:06 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-08-2015, 01:03 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 11-14-2015, 01:06 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-14-2015, 07:07 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Official - 12-01-2015, 11:33 PM

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