the Rift


[JUDGED] I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia]

Isopia the Mountain That Knows Posts: 780
Dragon's Throat Apostle atk: 6.5 | def: 10 | dam: 8.0
Mare :: Tribrid :: 18hh :: 3 - is now aging slowly HP: 90 | Buff: NUMB
Hubris :: Royal Bronze Dragon :: Shock Breath & Frost Breath & Babel :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath Odd
#8
Isopia
barefoot on a summer's night


Isopia was not only new to the intricacies of sparring, but was also fairly naive when it came to the anatomy of others. Given her self-proscribed asexuality (except when it came to Volterra), and her general disengagement and disillusionment from what might be considered an aesthetically pleasing body composition, the girl rarely looked at others. At least, not in a way that might give her insight should she pick a fight with them.

For instance, it was abundantly clear even in the moonlight-drenched clearing that they occupied, that not only was Ashamin's tail significantly longer than his body (nearly twice the length, Isopia guesstimated far too late), but it also harboured a tiny sparking thing. She had no idea what it was, as it whirled away from her body leaving a white-tingly-burning sensation in its wake, she just knew that it was there.

And it hurt.

Isopia gasped as her already wounded leg erupted into a weird amalgamation of adjectives. White, and crackle, and static all seemed appropriate. And then suddenly pain.

As Ashamin elevated and leaped off of her make-shift rocky platform, the shock (literally and figuratively) caused the girl to hop backwards. Yet as she did so, her ungraceful and gangly body became unsteady, and she was forced to lower her injured hoof to the ground to stabilize herself. The sting from Ashamin's shock-device and the weight her injured leg was suddenly forced to bear nearly made the girl cry out. And although spar-strategy still eluded her, at least her previous spars had helped her get some control over the reactive-movements her body wanted to force upon her.

It was then that the girl realized that the oddly anxious and exhilarating flutter in her chest was gone. Were it not, she probably would have vocalized the sting that her wounded knee wanted broadcast to the world. Keeping her lips promptly shut, her neutral golden gaze rose to where Ashamin was steadying himself. It was now that she had the opportunity to regard his long prehensile looking tail. Why hadn't she noticed that before? Why hadn't it occurred to her? Ignorance, her mind hissed darkly. And although Isopia hated being confronted with all the aspects of the world which still alluded her, her inner voice was right.

"Why do you think you know me?" She inquired, leaning back on her haunches to relieve weight from her injured leg, but keeping her hoof on the ground. Many recognized her. That was nothing new. But Ashamin seemed to have associated something substantive with his impression of her - something that suggested that he did not merely know her in terms of who her Father was, or having seen her around. He seemed to think he knew something about her, as evidenced by his accusing tone earlier. And this intrigued her.

She wondered vaguely what he would say regarding his accusation that she had attacked him unfairly. He had after all, asked for a challenge. So it couldn't be that she attacked him. Was it because she did so from a distance? Or had he, as she previously thought he had not, seen her as a raven? Was it something about her abilities to transform which entailed cowardice? Isopia cared little about being called a coward, such words did not penetrate her armor of apathy, but the concept itself seemed interesting, at least on the surface. However given Ashamin's general flailing on the battlefield, and his absurdly emotion-driven comments, she didn't hold out much hope that he would provide her with stimulating conversation. Especially since his only real battle prowess apparently largely accidental.





Closing defense
WC: 600/800

Gets hit by his coil - it stings and as she jumps backwards from surprise she puts weight on her injured leg which also hurts.

AWESOME SPAR JEN. Continue in a thread?



Teaching Commentary

More praise for your writing <3 Now onto the actual helpful stuff :P

I was REALLY confused by the timing in this post and I think what you wrote constitutes power-play.

In my post I write that
1. Iso rears
2. He bites her neck and pushes her backwards
3. She tries to hit him with her good leg before IMMEDIATELY returning to all fours
4. His magic hits her
5. She uses her magic.

You already wrote him biting at her neck and then using his magic. You cannot go back in time, and now have him rear while he bites her. For your time-line, that part is already done. However you go back and change the timeline of what I said happened too. You said that:

1. Ashamin bites Iso
2. The two rear at the same time
3. He avoids her hoof-attack
4. His magic reaches her

But that isn't what happened. She reared and then took his bite. He didn't bite her and then rear. In fact, he didn't rear at all.

Be really really careful. #1 You cannot change how your own timeline plays out, once you have written it. If you say A then B then C happen, you can't go back and say that B.5 also happened. #2 Be really careful about not responding in the wrong order to your opponents attacks. I get to decide when and how I take your attacks, and so if I say that Ashamin bites her while she's rearing, you cannot say that he bites her, and then she rears.




I also don't think you took enough damage. You evaded Isopia's hoof-attack, which means you're taking all of the damage from her magical-rising rocks. I rolled a 9, and the only damage you took was a slightly twisted ankle? You don't even really describe it, other than saying it was only "ever slightly twisted" and that it would be "temporary" . I know you were probably running out of words at this point.


Image Credits

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here


Messages In This Thread
I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 10-20-2015, 05:12 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 10-27-2015, 08:30 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 10-27-2015, 11:30 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-01-2015, 02:55 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 11-06-2015, 11:06 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-08-2015, 01:03 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Ashamin - 11-14-2015, 01:06 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Isopia - 11-14-2015, 07:07 PM
RE: I See You [Ashamin v. Isopia] - by Official - 12-01-2015, 11:33 PM

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