Can we go back?

[OPEN] Can we go back?

Rhoa Posts: 175

Deceased atk: 5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5

Colt :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 3 HP: 65 | Buff: ENDURE

Odd

02-05-2016, 03:14 PM

She appears.

I want to run towards her, and disappear. I want to crumble to my knees. I want to lie to her - to ignore what it is that I've come here to do. I want to shout that I've missed her once again, and I want to tell her goodbye. I want to pause this moment, and I want to fast-forward.

She is so beautiful, so lovely, that the thought of what I have to say feels like some sort of black tarnish on this day.

But then ... a small voice tells me that perhaps everything will be alright. Not because I expect Ranjiri to someone understand the things I am thinking and feeling, but perhaps because she simply won't care. That she is a light in the darkness for me, does not mean that I am that for her. I am just ... Rhoa, son of Gaucho. The one who left without saying goodbye. The one who rambled on about missings. Perhaps the odd serendipitous warmth in my belly exists only for me. If I am nothing to her, then what I am about to say will seem odd. Misplaced.

But I think ... I think some part of me loves her. And it is only because I know how impossibly premature it is even to think the word love, that that's what it must be. It can't be love - shouldn't be - and yet that I believe it is, is all the evidence I need. I think I do love her, for reasons I cannot say. But she is for me a light, and I cannot deny that.

But if I am just Rhoa to her ... if the life that invades my thoughts of the two of us together exists only in my mind then perhaps this will be easy.

"Nn-" I begin to say that everything isn't alright, but I am swept up by the loveliness of her mane, the strength of her muscles, the glint on her coat.

"I-"

Say it. Just say it.

"-am going to be a Father."

My kneels feel weak, my throat dry. I partially want her to be upset, want some small part of her to scream No! and wish that the child was ours - but then, I could never wish that sort of pain on her, even one so swept up in my own fantasies as that. But nor do I think I could bear it if she merely shrugged, unimpressed and unbothered by the news.

And so, not knowing what reaction I wanted or expected from her, I merely let the words hang heavily in the air between us.

I'm so sorry-