the Rift


[JUDGED] ad victoriam [vol vs aquila]

Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#3


The one who approaches is not fully horse, that much is apparent.

The goliath recognises her, from the God fights and from the recent sea-creature-frolic-fest with a magical orb as the prize. The fact she's armoured, scaled, ignites delight in his soul, not to mention a slight twitch of desire in his loins. She is attractive, in a savage sort of way, but mostly his interest lingers on how different she is to his usual opponents. He has not yet fought a foe dressed in armour, and whilst her skin is not made of conventional defensive materials such as steel or iron, it does look far harder than the soft flesh of a native Helovian. His muscles bulge in delight as he admires her, devours her with the penetrating red of his gaze, thrilled at the opportunity to test himself against something different. That's what keeps the young warlord on his toes - fighting anything and everything in his path, to ensure he is vastly experienced before he takes a throne.

She may be a woman, but he knows better than to underestimate her. His assessment of her is different, to say the least, as his ravenous gaze scans every segment of her body. She is about a hand shorter than him, and his strength and bulk are undoubtedly superior; his somewhat lacking agility shouldn't be too much of an issue here either, as their wide, open battleground means that nimble twists and turns are not a necessity. The thin, reflective sheen of water upon the ground could prove slippy, however, and that's where she may hold the advantage - her aquatic appearance makes the stallion suspect she's used to such conditions. Her webbed - webbed?! - hooves will give her feet a good surface area, maximising grip and lessening her chances of sinking into the sand.

Overall, he feels it a decently-matched fight, one he's eager to proceed with. When she speaks, he catches a glimpse of wicked fangs, and his own grin turns wolfish. Those teeth will hurt, should they connect with his flesh; his muscles quiver with anticipation.

He fucking loves a challenge, and this fish-faced mare poses one that's different to anything he has had to conquer before. But conquer he intends to.

His dragons circle and hiss, asking their master if they may be involved. Generally, he forbids them from aiding him in spars against women, as what kind of man is he if he relies on them for victory?! But he tells them neither yes or no; he will see how the battle pans out first. They scream their delight, especially Vadir, who has not yet had the pleasure of helping her bonded take down a foe. "I did," he rumbles in response to the woman's question, which she follows with something he cannot understand. Then, she's charging. Then, they're fighting. Euphoria erupts, and his heart soars as high as his dragons at the prospect of partaking in his second favourite activity.

She swings, and suddenly he sees nothing but hooves. He throws his weight to his right, causing her feet to just miss their target, but her spiked bludgeon of a tail whistles across his lower jaw and leaves bloody furrows in its destructive wake. The damage is only fairly light; surface-level scratches, but they sting and smart with a fierce determination. Crimson trickles down his chin, little rivulets of pain.

The behemoth laughs, gleeful. Ah, battle.

He throws his colossal body forwards, aiming to run parallel with her; his left side to her right side, given he's coming from behind her. His lips peel and his teeth ache to bite her, but he doesn't know how effective such an attack will be against her pebbled skin. He chooses instead to swing his colossal hindquarters to his left, aiming to slam his left flank into her right flank, attempting to barge her over to her left and badly unbalance her. He also hopes this will keep him out of range of her vicious tail, her unique and deadly weapon.

Despite his misgivings, his natural desire to bite gets the better of him. His head swings left and down, aiming to nip the mare's right wither; he puts enough force behind the attack to hopefully hurt, but not so much that he'll shatter his teeth if her skin is as hard as he suspects.

Volterra has always had a tendency to use his mouth to investigate new things. Admittedly those things don't usually include blue-striped fish-mares, but old habits die hard.

_____________

Teaching spar for @Aquila !

Teaching notes below :D

1/3 - 753 words

I AM THE RUMOUR ON EVERYONE'S LIPS
I AM THE CURSE ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S HIPS
ART: DARK


Teaching notes:

Spelling/grammar - I couldn't spot any errors, which is great! :D Your writing was lovely in this post - you have a distinct style and it's very easy to read whilst also being descriptive. As I always say in teaching spars, just keeping good grammar and spelling throughout is one of the easiest ways to rack up points in the judge's rubric, so it's one of the most important things to focus on. You're already doing that which is fab :)

Emotion - Opening fight posts can often be quite dry and hard to pump emotion into, but I think you avoided this trap quite well. Aquila is a unique character and I definitely got a feel of her in this post! I love how you write her alien, aquatic appearance, and I got a basic idea of her reasons behind wanting to fight. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of her posts in this fight. Keep up the good work!

Attacks - The attacks themselves were good, especially the one with her spiked tail - I loved that! I also loved the fact that she noticed his skull mask, and specifically aimed for the area below it. It shows that you've properly read my opening post and noticed that he's wearing the skull, which is great! So the idea behind the attacks was really well thought out, especially doing the kick and tail-swing in conjunction with one another. I always enjoy attacks like that, as I find them more realistic than multiple different attacks in one fight post given how short timewise each post actually is. So that part was great!

My only problem with both attacks was the lack of 'attempt' words. 'Sharpened edges of her hind hooves struck out towards his chest and left shoulder' and 'Her long tail curved, swinging the tip like a club towards the underside of his face' should both have had mention of attempt/tried etc, otherwise you risk losing points for GM/PP. It sounds like you're assuming they're going to hit, which is a big no no. It's always up to your opponent if/how attacks hit, so always make sure you throw in attempt words just to make sure the judge can't deduct points for GM/PP! Even if it's not intentional, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Damage taken - N/A

Other - When someone doesn't use their full word count, I usually point that out as well, however I think you covered most bases in this post despite having more than 200 words left to use. One thing I would say is that you could have used your spare words to describe the surroundings some more - the flat sand, the open expanse of ground with no obstacles, etc. She mentioned that she's unused to fighting on land, but how will this affect her? What will she do to counter it? Similarly, although you noted Volterra's superior size and therefore strength, I'd have liked to see some more about how she intends to combat that. Use her lesser size and agility to her advantage, or throw caution to the wind and just try to match him for power? Overall though this was a great fight post I think and you're definitely on the right track :)

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]





Messages In This Thread
ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Volterra - 02-13-2016, 01:45 PM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Aquila - 02-21-2016, 12:48 AM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Volterra - 02-27-2016, 12:26 PM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Aquila - 03-08-2016, 10:09 PM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Volterra - 03-19-2016, 03:00 PM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Aquila - 04-01-2016, 02:27 AM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Volterra - 04-19-2016, 03:37 PM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Aquila - 05-11-2016, 10:24 AM
RE: ad victoriam [vol vs aquila] - by Official - 07-04-2016, 11:08 AM

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