Whatever the word is that comes out of her mouth, he's pretty sure it's bad. A satisfied growl bursts free from his jaws as his hoof collides with her face and rips one of the fins that sit there, and his structure beneath her foot seems to confuse her as well. He swiftly bids it to crumble, its purpose complete. I AM THE CURSE ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S HIPS |
Teaching notes:
Spelling/grammar - This post was particularly beautiful. Some of your sentences, like 'Beneath the sea, blood billows out into the salt water, taking delicate and beautiful shapes— artwork dedicated to those who succeed in the martial arts' had me going WOW. You're a really good writer, and as I've said in my previous posts, this part doesn't need any work. You've done a great job :D
Emotion - Again, you did great with this part. I especially loved her anger when her fin got damaged, along with her ongoing musings about fighting on land compared to in the sea. Considering this is one of your first fights with her, you seem to know her really well, so you should score highly in this part of the fight. She's a super unique character who I imagine it must be hard to fight with, but you handled it really well.
Attacks - I really liked her attack in this post. I loooove brutal attacks to the squishy bits, and I can definitely see her motivation behind the more heavy-handed attack after he hurt her fin. However, as you mention in the post, it's a dangerous technique, as she's now under him and liable for him to slam down on her with his hooves. I like how you noted this in your post as well! I think you described the attack really well, I could completely understand her intentions and what she was trying to do.
Attack-wise, I think this was definitely your strongest post out of the three :)
Damage taken - You took the damage quite well here, by having her fin get badly damaged. A 4 roll is quite a big hit when you take into account Vol's damage stat, so you were right to take quite a lot of damage. Obviously there's that fine line between taking too MUCH damage as well, especially since he was kicking towards such a valuable area (her head), but you handled it really well.
The only thing you didn't incorporate was the sand and blood flying off his leg - I would have liked her to react to this in some way, by narrowing her eyes to prevent it going in them, or by taking some damage from it (such as having her vision blurred). I also would have liked her to remark on the pain of the attack - she just notes that it hit, but doesn't seem to take any pain from it. If this is because she doesn't feel pain in that particular area, then you could have had her think this during the post.
Other than that, though, I think you took the right amount of damage for the attack :)
Other - You've done a great job in this fight. Grammar and emotionwise, your posts have been totally fine, the only things I can see to work on is the specification of attacks, which you'd already improved on by your last post. Everything else is great, so yay! :D This was a really fun fight and you did really well!
[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]