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03-09-2016, 12:38 AM
It was terribly, painfully silent as she waited for any response from him. She peered at him from under her lashes, watched the realization slowly reach his eyes, dawned across his face - and she was surprised to find that neither repulsion nor disappointment was there. No, he almost looked... happy? The moment stretched for what felt like ages. "Pregnant?" he repeated, and she imagined that there was disbelief there, that this would be the moment when he would send her vague hopes crashing to the ground, when she would depart in shame to raise a foal alone in the Wilds.
"Don't apologize!" he exclaimed, and so sure was she that he would be furious that she immediately began to sputter, "I'm sor--" But, realizing the content of his calming vocals, she stopped herself and looked at him, really looked at him, incredulity on her face, hope beginning to shine in her eyes. He was dancing in place, touching her everywhere he could reach, and she lifted her wings so that he could, if he chose, touch her belly, where their child lay. Perhaps... perhaps she would not be shunned, perhaps she would not ruin this... friendship, whatever this was, with him. Perhaps he was happy, and perhaps his happiness could finally convince her reluctant glee to appear.
"You - you have?" she stuttered, stumbling over the tumultuous emotions threatening to bubble over. He wanted a foal - well, not one with her, surely, but even so, he was practically giddy. She couldn't help but giggle. "Yes," she agreed. "You're going to be a father." For a moment, she allowed herself to imagine what it would have been like, if Kaj had been the stallion that she had fallen in love with instead of Gaucho. Would it have been enough to make her stay? Would it have been enough to keep her family together, if Kaj was the father of her children?
"I - are you sure?" she asked, suddenly doubtful. "I... Kaj, I've been a terrible mother before, I don't -" she cut off suddenly, her deepest guilt surfacing for the first time. "What if I can't... what if I'm not... I don't want to fail this child," she admitted. "Or you." No, they weren't mates, and she didn't imagine that they would be in the future - but she did care for Kaj immensely, especially now, especially after his affection and support during perhaps the most tumultuous part of her life. "I just... I want..." What did she want? A family, she admitted. One that stays together, that loves and supports each other, that doesn't fall apart. "I want to be a family, but I... what if I'm just not good enough?"
"Talk talk talk."
--Astraeus.--
you give up your soul till you break down;
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@Kaj
