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03-05-2016, 03:14 PM
Every storm runs out of rain, just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away, just like every storm runs out of rain
She didn't know what the point of her saying that was. To guilt him? Because she couldn't admit that she loved him? Because somehow this would be easier if it was his fault and not hers?
Fuck, she was selfish.
As if bonding to the bird hadn't been enough, now she had to drag Mesec down into the pit of her soul as well. Ampere had always been that way though, selfish. It was a trait she despised so greatly that she eagerly pecked at it whenever she saw it in others, as if by pointing it out it in them made it easier to live with her own.
Except it didn't, and she hated that.
Mesec didn't deserve the mess that was her heart and her life. He was too good; despite everything that ought to make him terrible, he was still this bright star shining out amid the night, defying the darkness due to nothing more than his own purity. Ampere didn't even have half the reasons he had, and yet she was something swallowed up by the night, a false glow, brief and erratic like lightning in a storm, but otherwise caught up in the shadows that it cast down. She'd thought maybe she could find salvation in him, the same way he'd turned to the Sun, but you can only save yourself.
Could she, this one time?
His admission of love brought a new wash of tears to spill down her cheeks, carving out dark stains that glistened in the right light, brief and false.
She shook her head at the sensation of them, at his logic, at his desire to leave. It tugged on the edges of her heart, a set of teeth clenched down, tight and painful and firm.
"It wasn't luck!" she managed to shout, rousing her voice from whatever depths of paralyzing fear it had sunken into. Kygo continued to waver with anxiety, a constant stream of doubt into her own pool of emotions. She wanted to blame him for this feeling, for this horrendous reluctance that made her bones heavy and her muscles stuff. It wasn't just her bond though, it was her. She was afraid of Mesec. It wasn't just that he could shift into a monster and terrorize her and her family, it was that he lost himself to that. Mesec had always been something strong to her. Not an obvious force of reckoning the way Gaucho was, but something quiet, something subtle, something constant that she had come to depend on. That he was capable of slipping away like that, it was worse than just leaving because he was stillpresent.
She was scared because she couldn't trust him, and that was the worst feeling in the world.
Her mind spun, her heart a whirlpool of apprehension that threatened to consume her. She could feel that she was toeing the line of something significant here, and yet she was immobile, unable to move forward and unwilling to move back. So she remained suspended on the cusp of something she couldn't actually define, or maybe just didn't want to. Moments don't wait for you though, they just happen.
"You're my family too," she exclaimed, reaching out for him, crossing that line with a step as he retreated. She didn't even notice that she had moved, didn't recognize that her head had lifted, that her eyes had gone dry. If Ampere was selfish, she was also determined, and safety or not, fear or not, had never stopped her before.
If you're afraid of something, it's because it matters.
In the most simple of terms, Mesec mattered to her, and she wouldn't lose him, even if he lost himself. She could be afraid of him, but she wouldn't lose him.
"DON'T LEAVE!" stronger, louder, an attempt to drown out the worry and the trepidation with force and panic. Her steps rushed forward now, her tail drifting across the line as she surged towards him with unrelenting stubbornness. She slowed as she neared, exhausted from overcoming herself, still worn out from trying to find him to begin with - the flash of light dimming back into darkness.
"I love you too," she whispered, testing out the implications and the strength of it, prodding the feeling to the surface of the vortex. Yet with that return of quietness, the shadow of the storm, returned that sickening echo of terror. She loved him, but that meant he could break her, warg or not, and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to keep putting herself back together again. Don't leave... not with my heart (selfish).
"We can make this work... I fixed you once." still quiet, still afraid. She had stopped him once, but that was when his life was at risk. Did she have the ability to stop him when it was just hers, when she had to defend herself from a depth of darkness that she knew too well? She wasn't so sure about that.
Fuck, she was selfish.
As if bonding to the bird hadn't been enough, now she had to drag Mesec down into the pit of her soul as well. Ampere had always been that way though, selfish. It was a trait she despised so greatly that she eagerly pecked at it whenever she saw it in others, as if by pointing it out it in them made it easier to live with her own.
Except it didn't, and she hated that.
Mesec didn't deserve the mess that was her heart and her life. He was too good; despite everything that ought to make him terrible, he was still this bright star shining out amid the night, defying the darkness due to nothing more than his own purity. Ampere didn't even have half the reasons he had, and yet she was something swallowed up by the night, a false glow, brief and erratic like lightning in a storm, but otherwise caught up in the shadows that it cast down. She'd thought maybe she could find salvation in him, the same way he'd turned to the Sun, but you can only save yourself.
Could she, this one time?
His admission of love brought a new wash of tears to spill down her cheeks, carving out dark stains that glistened in the right light, brief and false.
She shook her head at the sensation of them, at his logic, at his desire to leave. It tugged on the edges of her heart, a set of teeth clenched down, tight and painful and firm.
"It wasn't luck!" she managed to shout, rousing her voice from whatever depths of paralyzing fear it had sunken into. Kygo continued to waver with anxiety, a constant stream of doubt into her own pool of emotions. She wanted to blame him for this feeling, for this horrendous reluctance that made her bones heavy and her muscles stuff. It wasn't just her bond though, it was her. She was afraid of Mesec. It wasn't just that he could shift into a monster and terrorize her and her family, it was that he lost himself to that. Mesec had always been something strong to her. Not an obvious force of reckoning the way Gaucho was, but something quiet, something subtle, something constant that she had come to depend on. That he was capable of slipping away like that, it was worse than just leaving because he was still
She was scared because she couldn't trust him, and that was the worst feeling in the world.
Her mind spun, her heart a whirlpool of apprehension that threatened to consume her. She could feel that she was toeing the line of something significant here, and yet she was immobile, unable to move forward and unwilling to move back. So she remained suspended on the cusp of something she couldn't actually define, or maybe just didn't want to. Moments don't wait for you though, they just happen.
"You're my family too," she exclaimed, reaching out for him, crossing that line with a step as he retreated. She didn't even notice that she had moved, didn't recognize that her head had lifted, that her eyes had gone dry. If Ampere was selfish, she was also determined, and safety or not, fear or not, had never stopped her before.
If you're afraid of something, it's because it matters.
In the most simple of terms, Mesec mattered to her, and she wouldn't lose him, even if he lost himself. She could be afraid of him, but she wouldn't lose him.
"DON'T LEAVE!" stronger, louder, an attempt to drown out the worry and the trepidation with force and panic. Her steps rushed forward now, her tail drifting across the line as she surged towards him with unrelenting stubbornness. She slowed as she neared, exhausted from overcoming herself, still worn out from trying to find him to begin with - the flash of light dimming back into darkness.
"I love you too," she whispered, testing out the implications and the strength of it, prodding the feeling to the surface of the vortex. Yet with that return of quietness, the shadow of the storm, returned that sickening echo of terror. She loved him, but that meant he could break her, warg or not, and she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to keep putting herself back together again. Don't leave... not with my heart (selfish).
"We can make this work... I fixed you once." still quiet, still afraid. She had stopped him once, but that was when his life was at risk. Did she have the ability to stop him when it was just hers, when she had to defend herself from a depth of darkness that she knew too well? She wasn't so sure about that.
Ampere
The Mother of Companions
Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, aside from death.
