we heal with love,

“Oh.”

As the Moon Goddess spoke, as she slowly began to explain why, Alysanne realized just how wrong she had this entire thing.

The realization settled on her heavily, the guiding hand of the Goddess showing her the point of the quest that Alysanne had completely missed. Now she saw - knowing she would not have realized it without the help. Her wings drooped a little bit and she relaxed her stance a little bit as it settled on her mind. “I got so caught up in it, was so afraid of refusing to heal someone that needed me…” It had scared her so much, that final task, enough that she had forgotten why she was seeking further healing magic to supplement that which she was given as a Moon Doctor. The big picture had been completely lost on her, incredibly so. So much that she had practically forgotten what the magic she had sought was.

Of course one of her herd members would have helped her if Alysanne had asked - her sister would have accepted without a second thought. She had just never asked, keeping the burden of her quest secret from everyone.

“I was so blinded by my own pain, the mere thought of leaving someone with so much as a bleeding nose was too much… I’m a doctor how could I refuse them?” Even Tembovu, who she wasn’t particularly fond of (to put it nicely), she hadn’t been able to turn away from his pain. The driving need to heal him had been its own pain for her, refusing to even entertain the idea of putting her own healing needs before his. Alysanne truly thought herself to be selfless - the movement of putting herself before others came so naturally. But it was how her heart constricted at the thought of their pain that motivated her. Did that make her selfish? Wanting to ease the effect on her own soul while saving them?

She had thought it was too high of a price to pay - wasn’t even entirely convinced she could even do it now - but the uncertainty made that resolve of hers waiver. The choice of hurting one to save so many more seemed so simple when spoken in the curt (yet caring?) manner of the Goddess.

“I was selfish and short-sighted, wasn’t I? I didn't think...” Alysanne had known that she failed but the depth of that failure was settling on her as she started to understand what the Goddess had meant. Or, she thought she was understanding.

Her attention had not shifted from the Moon Goddess but she crawled out of the dark thoughts in her mind to bring up another question, finally one that wasn't rhetorical. “What do I do now?" If she was not capable enough to figure out the reason for her quest, was she still fit to be a Moon Doctor in the Edge?

alysanne