Like a dam bursting open, emotions flood back into the leviathan - and once they start, they don't stop. First, there is fury at his dragon for interfering; the red receives a great stab of the stallion's mind for his troubles as he wheels out of the way of the mare's buck. Do I look like I need your help, Vérzés? You do not interfere unless I command it! Quailing beneath the force of his master's ire, the crimson dragon retreats back into the trees, where Vadir fixes him with her superior glare and chuckles smugly at his misfortune. Second, there is frustration, as neither of the goliath's own attacks manage to find their mark. His jaws come away with nothing but a flower, and her flesh remains virgin, unmarked by his teeth. Oh, that simply will not do! His eyes blaze and his ears retreat into the sweating storm of his mane, his nostrils wide and his expression feral. Fuck, it's good to feel again! Through the bubbling, palpable rage that scrabbles beneath his skin and begs for freedom, the stallion feels relief - relief that he is still capable of such emotions. Relief that there is more than just numbness, that he's not dead inside, that Isopia hasn't taken everything from him that makes him him. He embraces his anger like an old friend, cradles his frustration like a brother, and nurtures his determination like a beloved son. Third, there is lust. But this is no surprise; his desire is the one thing that could never abandon him. Oh, how the sight of the mare's dancing body arouses him so! How her shriek is like an electric shock from ears to groin! She is a symphony of curves and sinew, a creature clearly born to taunt men like him, to draw them into her trap and strike... Her tone is sickly sweet, and the goliath cannot help but listen; but only insults spew from her jaws, and his eyes flash with liquid fire. He sees red - her attempt at riling him works, and he only manages a furious, indignant growl between the sound of blood pounding in his ears. Incompetent, my ass. Does she know that she insults something that has sown its seed in the fields of countless numbers of her gender? Does she know that he is now morally obliged to show her quite how competent he is? He is too apopletic to even quip a comeback - he will have to show her what he thinks of her comment through actions, not words. Alas, his vengeance is forced to wait, as her ploy works and draws his mind away from her attacks. He can do nothing but emit a stunned grunt as she lifts herself up and thrashes her hooves at his left side - her feet might be small compared to his, but they are like miniature bullets on his flesh as they clunk and crash into him. A deep-rooted bruise swells up on his skin where her kicks connect, just over his left ribcage. The area tightens immediately, and pain rockets like a shockwave through the goliath's body. Oh, no, this simply will not do! She has struck him twice, and he has not harmed her a jot - she needs to be taught her place, and quickly. A monstrous roar erupts from his clenched jaws and he swings suddenly to his right in an attempt to present her with his thickly muscled backside. He flings his weight onto his forequarters - finding, to his relief, that his bruised left side does not impede his ability to do this - and kicks out, hard, with both massive hind hooves. His diamond horseshoes glimmer in the half-light, hopefully adding to the damage he would cause should he hit - he aims for nowhere in particular, simply hoping to smash his back feet into her. He assumes she will have landed from her rear in the time it takes him to pivot, so he hopes it will be her sweet, tender chest that he collides with; but any part of her flesh he can bruise would be considered a small victory. It isn't like the behemoth to be quite so brutal in his fights with women, but this delicious, devious whore has his flesh itching with anger. The primal need to dominate her overwhelms everything else, and so he puts a decent amount of force behind the kick. He hopes that she will not be able to avoid him, given the close proximity of the trees, and he hardly even registers the fact that he's left his ass open to retaliation from her. He cares not, as long as he causes some modicum of damage to that glorious white flesh. ________ Teaching spar for @Orithia ! 2/3 - 796 words V O L T E R R A - V É R Z É S - V A D I R YOU'RE THE CLOSEST THING TO HELL I'VE SEEN SO FAR

image credits

ORI

That's a really good idea, feel free to ask any questions! :D

SO I really wanted to put the screeching of the dragons in the post but I couldn't quite find a way to fit it in between her reaction to vols reaction. For some reason I am having a lot of trouble letting Ori focus on more than one thing at a time as far as sparring goes - like RP tunnel vision? Do you have any ideas or suggestions for that? -- This is something I often struggle with, too, and I'm sure most other fighters do as well! Usually, I don't include every single thing that happens in a fight post. You just don't get enough words, and shoehorning stuff in can disrupt the flow of the post, so I wouldn't worry too much about not including the dragon screeches.

With the tunnel vision, again I wouldn't worry too much about this. Realistically, a character probably wouldn't be able to concentrate on too many things in a fight, and the only time you ever really have to is when your opponent performs two attacks simultaneously (like a kick and a bite at the same time). If I was you, rather than worrying about her inability to focus, I'd actually incorporate this into your posts! Write about how she struggles to concentrate on more than one thing - maybe use this as a reason some attacks hit, but also have her muse on what she can do to improve. Then, in later fights when she's got more practice, it's IC that she'd begin to improve in this aspect. That character development should go down well with the judges!

OOCly, I didn't see any issues with this in your post and you addressed everything that I thought was important, so as I say I really wouldn't worry <3

Also I'm not sure if the mood is consistent with my previous post as far as reading it goes. I think it matches up alright but for some reason, even though I had a ton of fun writing it, the post was extremely difficult and I felt like I was forcing a lot of the writing. Does it read like that? -- I actually thought her emotions in both posts matched up really well! She's a joy to read (see my squeeing below) and in both posts I definitely picked up her bloodthirstyness. I read her history after reading this post and the way she reacted is definitely what I'd expect given her past. It didn't seem forced at all, you did really well and as I say below, you definitely don't have much you need to improve on when it comes to the writing and emotional side of sparring :)

Teaching notes:

Spelling/grammar - Damn, your writing is beautiful and I have all the envies. Seriously, I LOVE how you write her. Your sentences are so poetic and flowing and truly a pleasure to read. I didn't spot any errors, and everything flowed really well.

Emotion - I THINK I LOVE ORI. I love how she insulted and riled him, and I was giggling to myself at her 'incompetent' comment. Vol be like :[ :[ but I love it! As I said, you write her fantastically, and all the way through the post I got a great sense of her character and motivations.

Attacks - 'She didn't bother to check what was sure to be a series of gaping wounds before she rounded on the stallion' and 'There was a dangerous twist to her hips as she took a step in his direction' - these statements were rather vague. In a normal thread, it wouldn't be an issue, but in a fight you want to make sure you specify every movement you make. How does she round on him? When you say a step in his direction, is that just a step to her right? As of my last post, they're stood parallel, his left side to her right, facing the same way, and as per your post she now has a tree on her left side which would restrict her movement. You then have her glance at his groin, which would be difficult given their positions - she'd have to turn her head riiiight around to the right. Overall, then, this series of movements isn't very clear - are their positions still the same, or has she tried to bring them face to face? Just make sure you refine your movements a bit more and be extra specific with rights/lefts etc :)

As for the attacks, I love the ideas behind them but I think they need a bit more detail! You say she leapt towards him, but bear in mind how limited the space between them is (so much so that he managed to touch a flower on her mane and she's also got a tree on her other side) - there wouldn't be much space for any leaping. The fact she feigns a strike for his underside (I LOVE FEINTS so this was A+) and then rears up to try and hit the left side of his ribcage implies that she's now facing his side in a T-shape rather than stood parallel, but you don't explicitly state this and so it can be a bit confusing for the casual reader to follow.

Damage taken - Although I like that you took damage from the dragon, I do think it was a bit unrealistic for her to have dodged both of Vol's physical attacks. There's only a small amount of space between them, so for her to have realised he was attacking and then have time to move out of the way is somewhat stretching the timelines. I would have liked to see more description of how she managed to get out of the way, rather than just saying she did - did she guess he'd attack like that, and move in anticipation? This would have made more sense to me than having her just manage to move out of the way given their close proximity.

I thought that the damage you took from the dragon was realistic and well-written, so that was great! With regards to the claw depth and damage etc, I've never actually thought about that lmfao but four sounds about right!

Other - I loved that you mentioned her wings, and how she'll use them (or not use them) and her reasons!