I had never spoken to Ophelia at length before; never sought her counsel, or that of others (save for my Lord). It was natural to doubt that she would truly understand my meanings of love for land, and perhaps I didn’t want her to comprehend the workings of this young male mind; maybe I just wanted to be heard. “My father experienced the same--,” her rolling voice wasn’t full of reprimanding words that would kick my hinny into gear as Kri might have—nor was she overly showy with whatever amount of pity that was being given. For both I was thankful. “He gave his life to our old home, and it was torn from him.” This last statement caused my heart to quicken a beat; just the idea of losing the desert to eager marauders made my nerves quiver at their ends. It seemed impossible, and Kri almost made us believe that losing our home was just that…an impossible dream…a dream that only jealous harbors could hold. We were too strong, too proud. Too proud.

“I have never experienced this tie to a land that has driven so many.” For the most part I had been avoiding her gaze—not out of shame or any amount of dread…Yet now I glanced up as she shared a small portion of her history. Offering some light to a dark spot that I still knew little of, even after having been with Ktulu for almost a full cycle. My pools softened and for a moment there was a brush of compassion for this wayward oracle of a woman. In a way, a distant way, Ophelia reminded me of my Ma.

Questions were given, and I stood slightly by and by. Listening, holding each word and spinning it in my mind a few times so that it might sink in more deeply. The realization of this whole conversation was what I had already known to be true; she only solidified it. I wasn’t going to abandon my home, not without having it beyond my grasp; my soul knew this, Ktulu knew this, even Ophelia seemed to know this. Why for heaven’s sake couldn’t I let this simple fact sink in? Barely was this tranquil soul able to hold onto the oaths of childhood and complete my duties as a Soldier, a protector; but to fight simply for the sake selfish gain?

The creature who might have agreed to this wasn’t in existence; what stood before the pale twin was a man of heart, a throbbing one that would do and give anything to see both of his families well cared for. I wasn’t someone who traded my vows for the sake of personal gains, it simply wasn’t who I was destined to be; nor was it someone that Ophelia struck me to be. My Lord had known this (as he knew all things), and had denied me the one opportunity that might had tainted me enough to give into Ktulu’s desires.

She ends with an apology, but it isn’t needed, and I shake my muzzle mildly back and forth a few times as if to tell her that it wasn’t necessary. My energy feels crestfallen, a solemn state settles in, “Your advice is welcomed, and I thank thee for taking a moment to listen and give wisdom.” Swallowing the bitter taste of disappointment I add with mournful tone, “I fear that this journey we undertake will lead only to heartache unless one of us gives into the other…though you are right to judge in the fact that I am unable to leave my home—I harbor no desire to sell my swords.” I am unable to leave my home period. Mostly to myself I murmur, “I do love her though…how do we go about a relationship that will be doomed for failure before it can even take wing?”