She crashes down next you, making you groan and grumble with the appearance of irritation, but, truth be told, you're not really that upset anymore. Your heart just isn't in it. All you want is sleep, and darkness, and peace. You want a way to drive away the creeping headache and the few flashes of your past that creep into your mind now and again, when you get a little too out of the moment. You want your blissful peace back- that gentle high that lets you slip through life, lets you repress this history, lets you pretend that you're normal. You want it back because you can't live without it.

As her head reaches out towards you, not too close but there, you feel a gust of her, her sigh, brushing your skin. And if you had a heart, if you were a normal horse on a normal day, you might have enjoyed the sensation, reveled in it, been glad to know that you have a friend in your darkest hours. But you... well, you're a little different. You want to feel that joy, you want to feel that happiness, but you think Kellian might have stolen any capacity you had to feel friendship- to really feel it. Maybe that good luck just isn't in your cards.

But she's doing her best to make you think differently, trying so hard to make you see some good in yourself. But whatever she see is is lost on you. You deserve good? How? Obviously you were never good enough for your father, for your herd, for Kellian, for Eris and Seele, for Circuta, for yourself. You've never been good enough, never will be good enough. So if you don't act like you do, at least you aren't playing some charade. At least you aren't acting like something your not. At least, you've never been good enough for happiness. All you're good for is fighting. A warrior at heart, a warrior through and through. You're good enough to be general, but nothing more.

So when she's done rambling, when she's giving you your options, you close your eyes, take a deep breath, flick your tail through the sand a few times, and finally you speak, slowly, softly, but deliberately. “Listen, Snowflake.” Did you ever really know her name? If you did, it's been thoroughly forgotten by now. “When this is all over, and when we get out of this stupid cave, I'm getting high. I'm going to get so high, that I'm going to lay on the beach for a week and not do anything except laugh at how the sky swirls overhead. And when I'm done doing that, I'm going to stay high. Functionally high. And I'm never going to get sober again. And nobody will ever know this happened.” Your ultimatum to her. Nobody will know that you break down when you're clean. “And if you ever need anyone thrashed, you can come find me.” You hope she'll read between the lines, because that's about as close to calling her a friend as you'll ever get. But hey, it could always be worse.

@[Elsa] :: OMG! Aw, Oxy finally made a friend ;-; Took him long enough!