His flock, he regards them fondly, with cerulean orbs that belie how dark and distressed he feels in the hollows of his bones and the place where his soul pushed out against his canvas. They gathered closely, their kinship far stronger than Kaj could ever recall before. In the wake of darkness they came together to form their own light, and Kaj ached so profoundly to see them grim-faced but standing proud and sure before him. It broke something old and defiant in his chest, pushed aside all other failing emotions like a tidal wave as he was filled with endless bouts of love for these wonderful souls gathered before him. Were he a lesser man he would have wept, and still the urge to do so was almost impossible to ignore. They’d never had this kind of kinship when he was a WingLeader, when he recalled the unhappiness of his family back then he felt something tentative, something like pride and purpose, flower and twist round his ribs. Secure. Maybe he had taken Mirage’s child and made something good out of it. Maybe he hadn’t failed after all.

Gazing into the eyes of his people, he saw reflected in them trust. Assurance. And he thought yeah. I haven’t failed, after all. It was all worth it. The pain inside him washed away, feeling renewed, something like salvation licking at the open sores of his soul. And with an open heart and ready ears, he turned to the first voice that rose in question. One he knew, for it was Ilios who gazed back at him, the Throat on his lips. Kaj felt a rush of affection for the colt, for his selflessness and his care for others. Even if his fears were unfounded, it was further example of his personality, his virtue. ”The Throat is aware that they have our support through this time of darkness, but groups will go to all the herds regardless.” Kahlua spoke on the far end, responding to Parelia’s voiced question, and he forced himself to dull her words until they were mere bits of information. He would not so readily give up the new, brilliant feeling his herd had inspired.

Azaneen’s arrival distracted him from that possibility, and he smiled warmly at her, proud to see that even in her newness she had arrived to share in the herd’s brotherhood. He hoped that she would find friends in his home, and that she would not be left alone with only him as her intermittent caretaker and friend. She deserved so much more than he could offer her with how his kingly duties restricted his time, but she’d always have him nonetheless. They bolstered him, Resplendence’s words rising to the forefront, a further shield to the darkness that still sought his insides even while he glowed with a new radiance.

More voices rose, and he nodded with gratitude towards Jahzara and Artorius for their declared offers, watching with sad eyes when Ktulu turned and left without a word. Though he’d never lost a child, he could still recall with perfect clarity how it had felt to watch his sister take her last breath, shudder and go still. He could not take offense when her pain was so clear to him, so familiar.

And then, from the long tallsun shadows and the wilted, drooping leaves, two appeared that stripped the breath from the caverns of his lungs and left him reeling.

His face never betrayed him but for a moment, where betrayal and despair clung like sparks to his lashes and danced in his irises. Destrier and Quilyan, both whom he’d thought dead or never to return, appearing with such leisure at a random meeting that could have been any other. Were he allowed it, he would have staggered off his pedestal and sought solace, for the breaking of his heart and trust if nothing else. But a soldier he had to be, and he kept his face like granite, impenetrable. Clearly they had not placed his brotherhood with them as highly as he had. Kaj simply had to move on. His people could not see him in his weakness, not when they were already suffering as a united whole. He simply couldn’t do that to them.

So when Far’s words spoke up, he latched onto him. He was no longer Kaj in that moment, cowering behind the walls he had constructed to keep his emotions at bay. He was the Storm Bringer, the once General, the old Guard and WingLeader all lumped into one. King. ”You may go with one of the groups if you desire, to ensure their safety on the road to their assigned herd. One group of diplomats shall depart at once; the others will be restricted to the Edge until they return. Now is not a time to be open and defenseless, not with the Moon Goddess as such an unpredictable player in this game.” For that was what it was. A game. A chess match that Kaj would win if it killed him.

From the shadows, a male he knew only in association with Alysanne brought about a tidbit of information that Kaj had never contemplated before. One that was a seed sown and rooted, to grow at his leisure when the nights were long and his pain profound. He would not comment upon it, not in that moment. But still, in the back of Kaj’s mind, he wondered. To block memories…

Archibald and Kahlua elegantly closed out the herd meeting, or at least allowed it to dwindle and die with peace and poise. Kaj had little to add, and what he did felt dead on his leaden tongue, but to the others it would sound as calm and meaningful as always. ”We promise you,” he began solemnly, eyes hard like flints of etched-off glacier ice as they fell upon his people, ”that we will do all in our power to help you. To keep our family safe. She may mock our mortality and our kinship, she may label them as weaknesses, but she is blind to the fact that in our flawed states we are perfect. And we will not fall or falter. Not now.” It was all he could offer them, in the end.