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the girl
Consider your origin. You were not formed to live like brutes but to follow virtue and knowledge.
The girl listened to all Kaj had to say. She let it percolate in her mind silently, her gaze remaining resolutely on the sea. It wasn't that she was ignoring him - quite the opposite in fact. By allowing the waves to take up the entirety of her stare, it allowed her mind free reign. Her gaze blurred, the sea becoming a froth of white and blue, as she slipped into the rhythm of Kaj's phrases.
"I don't understand why Kahlua would need help. I ... I was her first offspring, and so perhaps there was an uncertainty regarding what it would be like - perhaps it was her expectations of difficulty that necessitated the need for assistance. But I have caused her no strain that could be shared by anyone else. The pain of childbirth could not have been born by you, and nor could the unfortunate need to nurse. However once that part of our lives was over, what assistance was there?" The girl fumbled for the words to voice thoughts she had had since literally the day she had been born.
For a moment the girl considered pulling her gaze away from the sea, but she did not. Instead, she exhaled softly and closed her eyes. The water which had enveloped her legs had now risen to her shoulders and flanks. Where her feathers were touched by the pulsing water had begun to disappear just as her lower limbs had.
"Then there was her apology. To Aly and Brisa. Why would she apologize to them if the two of you fought? Is there some four way bond between you? Does your relationship with Kahlua give you obligations to the rest of the herd?" Opening her eyes, she blinked hard. She was now coming to a topic that was more than just a little far out of her understanding. Love. "I have heard that you and Kahlua have ... a relationship." The girl emphasized the word so that she would not need to further qualify it with adjectives that she didn't understand. "But what I don't see, is how that relationship between the two of you extends to any of the others. Whatever it is, it is not because you are King and she is Queen, and so it should be no business of the herd. Even if Kahlua and Aly and Brisa are friends, I still see no reason for the apology."
The only explanation the girl could think of was that Kahlua was irrational. Perhaps Kaj would be able to shed some light on the subject.
"No, that's right." She confirmed, a small trace of a smile gracing her lips. The girl had never actually flown as high as the King described. The highest had been when she had found Bucephalus trying to capture the wind. The girl thought his description was fitting - from the sky, once could see so much more. That was as apt a metaphor as anything she could think of. Nodding, the girl smiled further as she pictured the King, alone and small. It was endearing somehow. "Everyone thinks of themselves as important, or special. And they are ... just not in the way they think. It is the structure that is special. Not the individual parts." Although her words might have seemed cold or hostile, they were uttered with warmth and appreciation.
The girl wrestled with Kaj's final question. Already she had formed the hunch that he was cleverer than the others, that he understood. Part of her thought that he would not be dismayed or repulsed by her odd questions or ways of thinking - he hadn't bothered to ask her if she had picked a name yet, after all. That was a good sign. But there was still doubt. For so far, the only ones who seemed to truly understand her - or at least act as though they did - were children. Aithniel, Volterra, Zero.
"It is not inherent to you, your questions, or your desires that makes me uncomfortable." She began after a pause. Her golden stare had refocused itself on the waves, and the smile had gradually fallen from her lips. "I feel as though I am different from everyone else in some ... hard to specify way. I don't think it is because of my heritage, although perhaps it is. I never knew Hototo...maybe he was the same. I don't feel things the way others do. I have no desire to make friends (here, her mind briefly flashed to Aly, and how the gentle mare had told her that she considered almost everyone a friend) and I find the topics of discussion that come up when I stop to chat with others rather boring. They aren't interested in things that are important or meaningful. They talk about the weather, or a quest that they are on.." Sighing, the girl shrugged. Maybe she had already said too much, crossed the line. But it was true! If they were only smarter they would understand it. It was like the way that adults thought children were only interested in childish things, and yet to the children their concerns were of the utmost importance. She had seen foals wail and scream when they fell down, only to be distracted by the promise of some prize, and immediately forget their woes. But to them, when the tears were streaming down their faces, their concerns were important and real, yet for the adults who watched, they obviously were not. That was how the girl felt, and yet because of her age she was never taken seriously. "I like nature better than people-" Swallowing hard, her gaze shifted to Kaj, full of innocence and guilt. "-but I think I'm not supposed to be this way."
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[O] To fuel the song that's underneath
