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IF IT FEELS GOOD, TASTES GOOD, IT MUST BE MINE HEROES ALWAYS GET REMEMBERED BUT YOU KNOW LEGENDS NEVER DIE Already he's sweating, thick beads of moisture leaking down the hardened lines of his body and pooling in the sunken contours between his thick muscles. This is not going to be easy. It will be uncomfortable, unpleasant, and he is quite sure he will not enjoy it as he enjoys his other fights. There is nothing to savour in this strength-sapping heat, and the goliath rather thinks that he couldn't have handled it a few months ago; constant sparring, however, has strengthened his body and heightened his stamina. Practice has added to his natural assets and he's never felt better, yet his usual confidence is somewhat lacking as he contemplates what is to come. But this momentary glitch in his arrogance soon fades away as he reminds himself who he is; the Indomitable, the beast, the budding warmonger. He can do this. He will conquer these demons and force himself to complete the fight, no matter how much he aches. His opponent soon arrives, and Volterra's eyes immediately move to scrutinise this would-be foe. At first, his stomach lurches happily at the thought that it is a woman - devilishly attractive and large to boot, the perfect size and shape to not snap beneath his weight. His trademark wolfish grin spreads slowly across his jaws as he joyously eyes the mare, thinking that there's no better way to ease his distaste of such hideous fighting conditions than the chance of some sex afterwards. The woman lacks Volterra's sheer bulk, although there's certainly muscle on that lean frame; he thinks he should have the edge in every area, but it will be a delightful challenge to face somebody the same size as himself. But then the oddly-patterned unicorn comes closer, and the giant's stomach lurches in an entirely different way as he realises that it is, in fact, not a mare. Oh. Awkward. Disgust bubbles into his throat as he realises his mistake and swiftly moves his gaze anywhere but at the feminine stallion. The male speaks, his voice womanlike and flirtatious, and Volterra's eyes nearly boggle out of his head. "Hang on...what are you? His dragons cackle in his head at the confused thoughts of their poor, befuddled bonded. "Did not think you liked dick. At least no hatchlings come if you bed him," sniggers Vadir in her smooth, cold voice. Vérzés, usually Volterra's ally against their golden sister, joins in the chorus of laughter, as their bonded's cheeks flame with mortification and his tail swings hard against his flanks. Fuck off, he tells them irritably; their laughter only intensifies. So distracted is he that he almost doesn't notice the man/woman/thing launching towards him, and by the time he realises it's almost too late. He flings his weight to his right as the unicorn approaches his left, so when Kiuaji's horns slice against his flesh, they do not dig as deeply as intended. They strike just behind his left shoulder and engrave two medium-depth cuts into his skin; painful, but not deep enough to inconvenience him. Usually, anger fuels the giant's battles; his berserker rage sees him through even the most arduous of fights, numbing his pain and strengthening his blows. Yet this time, he does not feel angry, just deeply embarrassed. It is a different kind of emotion, but makes him all the more determined to put this thing in its place. He swings his hindquarters to the right in an attempt to bring himself facing his opponent, and throws his weight onto them as he does so in order to lift the front half of his body into a rear. He flails his forehooves in an attempt to smack them into his opponent's skull - not hard enough to kill him, but hopefully hard enough to knock him out and earn Volterra a one-hit victory. His logic is that the faster he puts his foe to the sword, the less chance of his stamina being sapped by the wicked heat. This weather is not designed for long battles - he will be better served getting it over with quickly. Besides, he is quite eager to get the hell out of here and hide away with his embarrassment. The dragons bugle their amusement, so tickled by their bonded's mistake that they cannot even bring themselves to attack the unicorn's feathered companion. The leviathan growls like a caged beast, pinning his ears and blocking red and gold from his mind; he hears the unicorn ask for his name, but now really isn't the time for polite introductions. He just grunts, too focused to answer. _______________ Teaching spar for Kiuaji I laughed so hard writing this post. VOL HAVING A SEXUALITY CRISIS 1/3 - 764 words |
Spelling/grammar/prose - You had some beautiful sentences in there! Stuff like 'His feminine frame cuts a splendid vision, an ethereal mirage of sinful promises and tender caresses, curves swaying as his effortless stride takes him across the flats' was amazing, incredibly descriptive and detailed. Overall I LOVE your writing and this post was great on that front, however I did notice a couple of spelling/grammar errors:
'Helovian's are terribly weak': Shouldn't be an apostrophe in Helovians
'watched stallion's of rippling muscles and unconstrained blood': Shouldn't be an apostrophe in stallions (as it's plural of stallion, rather than belonging to the stallion - if it was 'watched the stallion's rippling muscles' then there'd be an apostrophe)
'where the black painted stallion and his Dragon's stand': Same as above, no apostrophe in dragons
Mostly though it was a great post writing-wise, it's clear that you proofread and are a really talented writer so keep up the good work on that front ^_^
Emotion - I THINK I LOVE KIUAJI ALREADY. His personality shone through in this post, especially the bits where he's having a good old oggle of Vol (but I mean, who wouldn't? ;D). I really enjoyed reading him and I can't wait to see more of him in this fight!
Attacks - I was a bit confused by the positioning that lead to your attacks. When Kiu eyes up Vol and speaks with him, it implies that they're face to face. However, you then say 'His right approaches the beast's left', which would be impossible if they were facing each other. In order for Kiu's right side to be near Vol's left side, they would have to be facing the same direction, which would require Kiu to approach from behind Vol. Here is a crappy diagram of what I mean. Rights and left can be super confusing - when I'm in any doubt, I act it out on my hands, to make sure I'm on the right lines. Sure, I look like a twit if I'm in public, but it works ;D Being clear with directions ensures that your opponent can respond properly, and also doesn't give the judge an excuse to deduct for realism or readability.
The attack itself was good, using his horns to attack Vol's side, so I liked that! Just a little bit more clarification on the directions etc would have turned it into an even better attack :)
Also, just be careful with sentences like these: 'His right approaches the beast's left'. It can be interpreted as GM/PP, so to avoid any judge deductions make sure you say 'attempted/tried/aimed' etc.
Damage taken - N/A
Other - I'd have liked to see a little bit more of Kiu contemplating their different assets (aka they're the same height, but Kiu is lithe whereas Vol's all about the strength) and also some mention of the surroundings. I've chosen quite tricky conditions, as the heat will take its toll on our poor big fellas, so you could have mentioned that Kiu has experience fighting in the heat (I'm assuming, from what I've read of Dorobo) and that this might work to his advantage.
Overall, though, it was a really good first post! :D
[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]
