V O L T E R R A IF IT FEELS GOOD, TASTES GOOD, IT MUST BE MINE HEROES ALWAYS GET REMEMBERED BUT YOU KNOW LEGENDS NEVER DIE His mortification adds fuel to the fire of his blows, but alas, they do not crunch into the other male's skull as intended. Instead, they strike his side; the pound of hooves on meat is music to the goliath's ears, but he has not landed the one-hit-KO that he hoped for. It means he will have to continue fighting in these ball-sweating conditions, and already he can feel his lungs constricting in horror at the thought whilst his muscles shudder and groan with effort. Only his steely determination to conquer keeps him going, even as his flesh heaves and reeks and his breath comes in heavy gasps. The blood, sweat and sexuality-conflicted misery of this fight will be worth it when he has his crown, when he has women fawning at his hooves and spreading their thighs at his command - he daresay he needs a mare right now, to try and erase all the confused feelings that are pulsing through him at the sight of this very feminine stallion. Why, I can be anything you want me to be, handsome. Such a sentence from the mouth of a mare would have had the black mountain quivering with need; to his great dismay, and despite the fact he knows it's a man saying the words, some semblance of lust erupts traitorously in the depths of his loins. His dragons continue their cacophony of laughter as they detect these further conflicted emotions inside their bonded's head, and no amount of mental fortitude will shut the fuckers out. "Shut up," he snarls, his temper beginning to rise. The one thing Volterra has always been one hundred percent sure on is his sexuality. Women are his weakness, his kryptonite; stallions are nothing but his enemies or, when he has a crown, his eager underlings. Stallions are not attractive. They do not make his innards squirm, they do not make his balls tingle, and they do not make him hungrily eyeball their curves as though contemplating how they will feel beneath his bulk. This horned cretin, this thing, is making him question himself. Coupled with the frustrating heat and uncomfortable conditions, the behemoth feels himself growing more and more angry with each passing second. Angry and aroused, god dammit. It is chance, more than skill, that allows Volterra to evade his foe's onslaught. He launches his weight backwards after he lands from his rear, feeling his opponent's serpentine tail whistle past his flesh, followed by a near-miss from his teeth. Then the unicorn bucks, once, twice, and the giant only narrowly escapes a clobbering by reversing another step. Those beautiful, feminine haunches and curves steal his attention, and no matter how hard he tries, he cannot snatch his eyes away. More flirtatious words leave the unicorn's mouth, words that echo deep into his loins, words that make him ache with need. What is wrong with him? His mind is fighting a bloody battle with his body; his mind knows it is another stallion and therefore not a potential lover, but his body is simply reacting on primal instinct. It is reacting to what it sees, and it sees curves, it sees succour, it sees female beauty. It sees a release. No! The giant's mental roar to himself bids his ears to slap against his head, and a great stallion's bellow erupts from his clenched jaws. He has to attack, he has to finish this fight as soon as possible so he can get out of here. He needs to find a woman, and fast. He needs to lose himself in her skin and remind himself that there is a world of difference between a mare, and a man who simply looks like a mare. As his opponent finishes his last buck, Volterra turns to try and bring himself facing his foe's backside. This isn't just about winning or losing now - he wants, needs, to utterly dominate this man, to humiliate him. If the unicorn wants to be mounted, then he will be mounted, but not in a way he will enjoy. The goliath attempts to slam his chest hard into his opponent's backside, to try and send him sprawling forwards; then he lifts his front end, trying to hook his forelegs around the hips of the other male as though he is mounting a mare. He smothers the natural arousal that comes from this position, and focuses on trying to force the unicorn's hind end to the ground beneath his colossal weight. He wants to make those back legs buckle, to send the unicorn crumpling down into a position of utter submission. Simultaneously, his jaws attempt to pepper hard bites across his foe's spine, hoping to leave bruises like broken promises in his wake. _______________ Teaching spar for @Kiuaji I want to marry this fight, and have tiny little sexuality-crisis babies with it. 2/3 - 789 words

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Spelling/grammar/prose - Flawless! I only spotted one grammar/spelling error in this post ('He doesn't quite hit is mark' 'his' mark) so good job. I always say that good writing is the easiest way to rack up points in the judging rubric, so simply proof-reading and ironing out typos can go a long way towards scoring highly. You did really well on that front :)

My one small nitpicky thing would be that, because both fighters are male, it got a bit confusing at points with all the 'he's'. Whenever fighters are of the same gender, I try to use their names a lot more, or their species to differentiate them, or even aspects of their appearance (the black male, the horned male, the smaller male etc) just so it's easier to tell who is who. This is only a tiny thing though, overall you did great in this post!

Emotion - Again, I loved Kiu here. You write him really well, and I definitely got a great sense of his personality in here. I love his flirtatiousness, and his attempts to rile Vol. That's the good thing about Helovia's fighting system - it's not just based upon your ability to be technical, it's also about how you write your character and how you make the post about more than just attack and defense. I think you did a great job in this aspect, so well done :D

Attacks - You attacked quite a lot in this post - you had the tail slam, the bite, and then the kick. Bearing in mind that a fight post is only a few seconds long, I'd have probably cut out at least one of these attacks. As it is, it's a bit unrealistic that Kiu would be able to turn, hit Vol with his tail, turn again, bite him, then turn again and buck twice without Vol having chance to react inbetween. I find that less is more when it comes to attacks - I rarely attack more than once or twice in a post, and I always have them be either simultaneous attacks or ones that're quite close together but don't involve much movement (like a bite to the face, followed by a kick by a front hoof to the foreleg).

The attacks themselves were good, but could probably have had a bit more detail just so your opponent and the judge can fully picture them in their minds. With the tail slam, you said 'His tail swept around in a teasing lash aimed towards Volterra's side as he's forced to give the brute space'. Which side was he aiming for? Then, with the bite: 'accompanied by a mock lunge toward his prey, neck extended so he could snap his teeth toward his haunches'. Which side again? Also, you say it was a mock lunge, so does he actually try to bite or does he just feint?

Buck attacks are always good, so I personally would probably have just used this attack and not done the other two, but bear in mind that if it's Kiu's right shoulder that is injured, he probably wouldn't have been able to put his weight on it in order to buck. With the first buck, where about is it directed? And with the second, you say 'Fluidly, he attempted to line himself up so that on his next buck, his sharp hooves thump and drag against his barrel, caress their own biting kiss into his all too tempting flesh.' Which side of the barrel?

You've definitely got a good idea when it comes to which attacks work best, but just try to really add more detail into them to make sure the judge can't deduct for realism. As I say, less is usually more - you don't want to over-move and risk being deducted for GM/PP, as it doesn't give your opponent chance to react.

I loved how he flashed his curves at Vol, though. It definitely incorporated his personality into his attacks, and I can't wait to read more like that :D

Damage taken - You did well redirecting the damage away from his head, but I'd have just liked to see a bit more detail when it comes to where exactly the damage was taken (his right shoulder, ribcage, flank?), and how serious it was. More detail is always better when it comes to injuries, I find. There's a lot of difference between a minor bruise and a heavy bruise, for example. A minor bruise isn't going to affect your movement, but a heavy bruise could well restrict some attacks, especially if it's on a part of your body that has a lot of muscle in it (aka a shoulder, flank etc). You simply say that Kiu took 'brushes and scrapes', which doesn't give a lot of detail about how much damage he actually took. Is there bruising, and if so, is it deep enough to restrict any movement?

With Vol's high damage stat of 8, coupled with a reasonably high damage roll of 4, I'd have probably been looking to take heavy bruising, and it should probably affect him throughout the rest of the fight as well. As a general rule, and depending on my opponent's damage stat, I usually have rolls of 4 and above affect my character throughout the fight. For example, if the attack is a kick and I take it to my character's chest, I'll make sure to say that he can no longer use his chest for slamming, and that he's also struggling to move much because it's restricted his breathing. For a kick to the hindquarters, I'd have it prevent my character from rearing or kicking out with those legs.

So if it'd been me taking damage from this attack, I'd probably have said something like 'While they don't hit his skull like intended, he can feel them kiss heavy bruises and scrapes onto his right shoulder, pounding against the muscle and ensuring he will struggle to use his right foreleg to attack with'. That just prevents the judge being able to deduct for realism, as it's ensuring that you're aware of the aftereffects of such a heavy hit. You did well later in the post mentioning the wound, so that was good!

Other - I liked that you mentioned Kiu can turn faster because of his litheness - this is definitely a good thing to include :D However, like I said above, being able to turn faster doesn't necessarily mean that you can fit in a load more attacks, as it's best to give your opponent time to react rather than bombarding lots of attacks in one post.

So far, though, you're doing really well with the writing/emotion side, it's just the more technical bits that could be worked on, but they're a lot easier to improve once you've done a couple of fights c: