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10-16-2016, 12:03 PM
By my verdict: VOLTERRA is the winner!
KIUAJI
Realism [+1]
You had good attacks but didn’t take enough damage for your 4 roll in your second post. You’re also as agile as Volterra, in fact all your stats are the same except Volterra is stronger, so though I was happy to see you utilize breed differences, you must use them correctly. Similarly hooves are not sharp unless you have an item that makes them so. Nice job touching on the heat though.
Emotion [+2]
I really loved the personality that came out, Kiuaji is hilarious and so fun to read!
Prose [+2]
You have some really great moments of writing where your imagery and vocabulary is beautiful, but this isn’t always sustained and sometimes the flow can get a bit choppy. Overall well written though!
Readability [+2]
Overall readable, but you had some typos and grammar issues. In your first post there were several instances of incorrect apostrophes, and in your second post you type “an” instead of “a”, repeated the words “from his” back to back, and had several tense swings from past to present. You also use “his” or “he” a lot, without clarifying if you mean Volterra or Kiuaji. It’d help to use their names more to make it clear for the judges :)
Finally tally: 49.5+(7*2)= 63.5 HP
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VOLTERRA
Realism [+2.5]
Realistic fighting, with proper damage and attacks. I liked your constant mention of the heat, and that you touched on breed if briefly.
Emotion [+2.5]
Oh my goodness this fight had me rolling with laughter! You did a great job conveying Volterra’s confusion and frustration.
Prose [+3.5]
Really beautiful writing with great flow and vocabulary.
Readability [+3]
Readable with no apparent sentence or grammar errors!
Finally tally: 64.5+(11.5*2)= 87.5 HP
